


Inky Black Redemption

by Sombereyes



Category: Mai-HiME
Genre: F/F, Friendship, M/M, Romance, Steampunk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-29
Updated: 2013-09-29
Packaged: 2017-12-27 22:06:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 53,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/984151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sombereyes/pseuds/Sombereyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Love is not always acceptable...it is not always understood in times of conformity. Speaking her mind doesn't come easy. After joining a questionable newspaper bureau, Shizuru meets others like herself, and through her new outlet, she finds her voice, her love, and the acceptance she's always wanted. (A throwback of sorts to the era of roughly the 30's - 70's)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: So, as I sit back listening to the music of the old days, a Sinatra style of sorts, I find myself thinking of Shizuru and Natsuki, and you know, I kinda wanted to do a throwback to the past...and though I never grew up in that time, I thought, oh hell, why not...I started this fan fiction a while back, but I never really posted the idea, and instead, I decided to start posting up Symmetry. I happened to forget about this somewhere along the line, and finally, today, after having dug it up, I realized how much I missed this idea, and how much I actually wanted to give it a shot.
> 
> The inspiration for this fan fiction comes from many singers, bet lets just say, the things on my play list most seemed to be Doris Day, Frank Sinatra, Rosemary Clooney, Kay Starr, Ella Fitzgerald...well you get the idea...I just wanted to give you an idea of the sort of music that was coming through my speakers when I even decided that this was a good idea. you may see some of these oldies, but goodies, sprinkled throughout the fiction, but I don't know yet.
> 
> Anyway, please read and review. I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> This WILL be AU, and...likely OOC to some extent.
> 
> Clearly, I don't own Mai HiME.

Inky Black Redemption  
Chapter 1

The rain pattered on the busy street corners, a gloomy morning upon which, the daily lives of the good city folk continued on. Newspaper boys called from the corners, waving the next issue of the messy print that would rub off of their hands, the ink painting colors of blacks and grays, indicating the freshly pressed, and tied papers were the most recent in events. For the cost of seven cents one could have such information at the palm of their hands, and as the chants of one young boy called at the nearby gas station in hopes of finding a buyer eluded to this. Some happy go lucky teens were filling their tanks, seventeen cents, perhaps nineteen, would offer them a day of cruising, and a night on the town.

It was the days of simple joys...of hard work, honest living, and it was within these days that a woman was a woman. A mother and a wife the future many sought, as that was the dream that had been implanted in their heads from even the youngest age. A man was a husband, a father, and the head of the house. He worked hard to be the breadwinner, another days pay a victory among factory workers and the booming industries. Boys and girls would trot off to school, while the cooking and cleaning took on new meaning for the women who took pride in being the caretakers of the house. It was, perhaps, with these thoughts in mind, that Shizuru found herself raised to understand, to love and believe, that she had found herself the future she wished.

Young, and fresh out of high school, she still lived with her parents. Today, her first few steps into adulthood seemed to ring in her ears, as she held nervously in her hand a neatly written resume. Dressed as conservatively as possible, she hoped beyond all hope, that she could find work here, in the small corner office of the newspaper bureau, perhaps finding stories that would appeal to the women of such an era. It was a dream of hers, since being able to read, to be able to tell the stories many dared never to question, she, herself, an inquiring mind. So few were the articles, of a woman wishing to become something other than her title...it was after all, still a radical view upon which, the ideals of unfounded declarations catered to the masses.

It was however, frowned upon for a woman to live in a mans world, to live as he would...to love as he would.

With such an ideal at the forefront of her of her mind, she dared to do what very few even refused to dream of. She was after all, such a woman, who could not speak freely of the type of love she dearly wished to have, it was unheard of, uncouth, and simply, uncalled for. Why a woman would even want to bed with another, went beyond normal realms of rebellion. Yet, that was the type of woman that she was, and she was indeed rebellious in her own, unspoken ways. Her views impossible for some to accept, or even, to comprehend.

To be gay was something hardly uttered, even to the most open minded of people.

The world business swam in conformity. Blues, blacks, browns...even women found themselves tied to those rules more often than not. Top hats and overcoats for the men. Long skirts, and high heels for women. Proper, conservative attire for those who attempted such a trade, unless perhaps, you found yourself to be a showgirl, who's idea of modesty came at a price. Shizuru herself, had selected what she hoped would be good enough, and she kept her make up simple, and hardly there at all, the red on her lips the most noticeable, a compliment to her dark, crimson eyes.

Smooth jazz wafted from the speakers of a radio that perched upon a large, mahogany desk. A single sheet of paper shoved into a typewriter that buzzed softly, and the hum was yet another thing that she fondly held near. It was it was to the tune of such a thing, and the clicking away of they keys, the bell that told all, the melodies of putting pen to paper, that she felt most at home. She fell entranced in the ideal of doing such a thing for herself. Still, the desk in front of her sat empty, and even as one of the busy workers told her to take a seat, she did so with measured grace and elegance, even as she was offered some much needed tea.

She could smell the faintest hint of cigarettes, and found it odd that this woman was not dressed as one might expect.

In fact, it had come at great shock to take note of the gray slacks, and white shirt that this woman donned. Behind her smug smile and less than appropriate attire, lime green eyes fell upon her form in abstract appraisal. "The boss will be in soon." In short order, she walked behind the desk, taking a seat in the brown leather chair, putting her feet on the desk. "If I were you, I wouldn't be so uptight. You look like you belong in some stuffy company, kissing the butt of some wealthy man on the top floor."

"Must you insist on being difficult." A voice with a lilt chimed in. "Nao, please get back to your own work." This woman was a mousy young thing, likely fresh out of finishing school herself, her mop of brown hair messy, and attire of a proper skirt, and an attractive, conservative blue top something welcoming. Thin wire frames perched upon her nose, and the fact that they had gold lacing them made it all the more apparent of her professional status. "If you don't finish the editorial, I'm afraid Miss Kuga will be very displeased." She sighed with dejection when Nao waved her off. Instead of fighting a losing battle, she instead turned to Shizuru. "Welcome, I'm Yukino Kikukawa, a personal secretary to both Miss Kuga, and Miss Suzushiro."

In the form of a handshake, Shizuru nodded willingly. "Shizuru Fujino, I'm-"

"The new applicant." Nao cut it. "Enough with the pleasantries. You two look like idiots." As she got up from her desk she rolled her eyes. "Come on Yukino, lets see if Haruka's botched anything yet..." The mousey girl was hardly given a chance to say her farewell as she was dragged out of the room, though Nao's voice carried even once they'd left. "You know she can't do anything right the first time." The ranting carried off into the gentle monotones of emptiness. The room and the hall barren. For what seemed like hours Shizuru sat waiting.

She'd heard that this particular section of the newspaper office had an ominous shadow looming over it. This particular branch not for the normalcy of the world, but instead for those who belonged tied and gagged, as if what they had to say could be considered worthless. They were small, and unpopular, many hated them, and their radical views. This news paper company was written by women, for women...the first of its kind. It went so far as to include stocks, and various other details that would normally only appeal to men. There was also a rumor about this particular branch. A hidden secret among the feminists that worked here...it was perhaps that very unspoken detail, that made Shizuru compelled to find work in a place such as this, when she knew she could have sought work anywhere, and she would be hired without question.

Finally, just as her worries began to fall over her shoulders, and doubt began to tickle the back of her mind, a tall slender woman came walking into the room. Her stride was fast, and her body seemed frazzled.

Her eyes were like that of emeralds, and her hair cascading freely down to the middle of her back. She wore a steel gray suit, all one color, and even went so far as to don a black tie. Her shoes, clearly men's, were shined, and the scent of tobacco danced in the air. One of the little white sticks perched upon the woman's pale lips. The embers alight, sending glow to the face hidden under her hat. She seemed to be in a rush, as she snuffed out the poorly rolled cigarette in the ash tray, removing her hat, and the the steely grey jacket, showing off the white shirt underneath.

Her eyes searched the desk, in hopes it seemed, to find something of value. It was only as she peered up for a moment, that she took notice of the young woman seated across from her. "Oh..." She murmured then, trying to recall the woman, coming up short. "May I help you?" Her eyes went back down to her desk, again looking for some treasured piece of something important, seemingly curing herself when it went undiscovered. A porcelain hand came into view, and she followed the arm in her sight, catching a glimpse of the woman who was in her office yet again. "Yes?" Natsuki couldn't understand why she was here, but instantly, she felt an odd sense of obscurity fall over her like a cloak.

"My name is Shizuru Fujino." The woman of fawn began softly. "I had an interview today, so..." Her eyes fell away from the emerald that so captivated her. She held in a breath as finger tips colored from traces of ink brushed gently against her own soft digits. "I hope I'm not late." Natsuki took the papers from the younger girl slowly, and Shizuru wanted the feeling to last forever.

"No, not at all." Natsuki's words seemed unintentional, as she flipped through the think, but well constructed document. She licked her lips as she gazed up, as if fascinated by this odd young girl. "Interesting...yet not without provocation." It was a quandary, a pickle that she couldn't seem to find an answer for.

"I hope you find my resume to be to your liking." Shizuru answered back carefully, unsure what to make of this eccentric woman in front of her.

"Oh, yes it will do just fine." The woman of midnight tresses nodded. "My name is Natsuki...Natsuki Kuga." She'd finally put together the math. "You're father, he's a lawyer, is he not?" If so, Natsuki knew things wouldn't bode well, yet, even so, she found herself interested in this young woman who had been brazen enough to step foot into a place such as this.

"Yes...he is." Shizuru's slow response was one filled with apprehension.

Natsuki noticed the change in the room, and her brows furrowed in confusion as she eyed the girl in front of her. "You wish to work here?" This young woman didn't belong in such a questionable place. "Do you understand just what type of paper we run?" It was perhaps the fact that she seemed wiser than her years, but even so, the look in crimson eyes told her all she needed to know. Shame...a clouded answer most were unwilling to speak.

"I do." Shizuru said then, in the smallest whisper. "It is because of the type, that I wish to work here." She tried to keep her shoulders from slumping, it was more difficult admitting the real questions behind the lines. "I know of the rumors...they only further served to interest me."

"It isn't every day we get a woman your age in here." Natsuki said, even though she wasn't all that much older herself. "Eighteen, and filled with so much promise, and you want to work here?" Natsuki knew she belonged here, but this girl...well it seemed odd. "You do realize that everyone who works here...uhhhh..." She floundered in her words, unable to find the right thing to say. "We aren't..." She scratched her head, looking down at her desk. "Are you sure you want to work here?" She chuckled looking away from the coy look she was being given.

Shizuru nodded, trying not to smile as a blush tickled Natsuki's cheeks. "It really isn't that uncommon, now is it?"

"Actually, it is pretty out of the blue..." Natsuki said then, trying to look at anything accept the girl in front of her. The way Shizuru's legs were crossed, her knee peaked out just the tiniest bit, and Natsuki licked her lips, wishing that the dark pantyhose weren't in the way. Even so, the gesture was teasing in it's own way, and she doubted Shizuru took notice of such a miniscule thing. "I mean, most of the people here...they've come from places looking for a place they can belong." Natsuki sighed then, knowing there wasn't any subtle way to put this. "We're not exactly considered family reading. The pay here is low, and the people who work here, choose to do so, because they are accepted blindly, we come from very...questionable...walks of life." Then, a heart wrenching thought came to her mind. "You aren't a runaway are you?"

"No, I live here in this city." Shizuru said then, with some measure of strength in her voice. "With my parents...they don't know." Shame again, laced her eyes, and Natsuki sighed deeply.

"You're young. You have a future that could be ruined by this." Still, Natsuki felt as if she couldn't begrudge this young woman, clearly on a personal journey to find herself. "You qualify for what I need of you, and if working with a bunch of gays is really what you want to do..." She licked her lips, and felt herself unable to deny this young woman anything she may ever ask. "I'll hire you...you can work directly under me, if that's what you want."

"It is." Shizuru said then, signing away her fate on the dotted line, knowing this was what she truly wanted.

…

"Natsuki, when I agreed to help you, I did so under one condition." Her father sighed later that evening over their weekly phone call. "That you'd do well to keep this oddity of yours under wraps." He was a stock broker, and made enough money that he could live quite comfortably. "It's bad enough that my daughter dresses as if she's my son, but, this?"

"I'm a lesbian Dad." Natsuki felt like she's been over this with him countless times already. "I'm not interested in being a guy...I just like women."

"Balderdash, you've never once acted as a proper woman should!" He exclaimed, his daughter always a deep pool of foreboding trouble. He wished he could talk some sense into her, but he also understood that was a failing endeavor. "Either way, to hire in someone so young..." He shook his head although he knew that his daughter couldn't see it, feeling lost for words. "Why would you do such a thing, Natsuki? She isn't one of your little misguided friends."

"I know she isn't." Natsuki began, feeling truly admonished. "But when I decided I was going to do this, I knew I was taking risks." She was walking around her tiny little studio, trying to clean up a bit. "I never realized that this would happen, so I just called to warn you." Natsuki knew her father was angry, and she felt as if this was a bad idea as well, but she remembered the look in those crimson orbs. "I'm going to let her work for me." She didn't want to see those sad eyes.

"I'm glad that you did. I'm extending some words of advise. She's the daughter of a client..a very important one." Her father answered back dryly. "This isn't a risk, it's absolutely out of the question. You can't keep that girl under your employment. If my client finds out that his innocent little girl is working under you, it will upset him greatly." It didn't help that he, himself, had been displeased by this current information. "You have succeeded in provoking animosity in the hearts of those around you before, but her father, he is not one you should cross. I beg of you, take just a bit of caution with everything that you do."

That part was at least true. Shizuru had a name and at the mere glance of it, Natsuki had felt the embers of trouble lurking unseen within the pit of crimson eyes. "I don't know why I decided to hire her, I couldn't even tell you off hand." Natsuki felt drawn to that look, the quiet admission, the fear of actually saying things out loud. "But, I know that if I were her, then I'd want to have a voice...actually, I did want one, that's why I dole out paper media in the way that I do. Everyone I hire feels the same way, and they struggle within themselves. We want everyone know just how we feel...there isn't anything wrong with that."

"In your eyes, perhaps not." Natsuki's father could relent that Natsuki was trying to be an activist, the only way she knew how. It was admirable at least. "It would not have mattered in the eyes of your mother either, but, no matter what Natsuki, you must remember well, those streets are unsafe for a person such as yourself. If she stays quiet, she may be able to find a man, and have all of the joys that a woman should have...even if you don't want them, it doesn't mean that she won't. One day, she will see this is a mistake, and I'm merely looking out for her best interests, as well as your own." Then he paused, coming up with an idea that had already been rejected once before. "You should accept Takeda's offer. He is a good man Natsuki."

"Dad...I'm not marring some dude...especially not that idiot." Natsuki grumbled. "I will find a woman, one who will love me, and when I do, you'll see how happy I'll be with that person...she just hasn't come along yet."

"You'll be a spinster one day if you keep that up. You've been saying that for years now Natsuki, it's time you put that idea out of your head once and for all. There is nothing wrong with independence, but, you must be lonely, and there is no cure for that, accept to wed a man, and enjoy the life that your mother, and your grandmother before you, also enjoyed." He muttered back at her. He knew however, that Natsuki wasn't going to listen to reason, and turned back to the matter at hand. "Listen, that girl can not, under any circumstance, work for you."

"What, will you do?" Natsuki asked him harshly. "Tell her dad what's going on?"

"Now Natsuki, you know I wouldn't do that." He shook his head, his daughter a shark in a man's world, and one who would dare to take on the worst of battles. She was so unruly in that way. "I wouldn't think to utter a word, but, you must also think of her personal welfare."

"I am." Natsuki said then. "That's why I hired her."

The bickering continued for several more moments before they finally gave up, and said goodbye. The phone felt heavy in her hands as she dragged the cord along the floor, coiling it back up the way it should be. She lived in fact, just above her office, and when she realized she would be unable to sleep, she decided to give up the ideal of peace, moseying back down to the lower floor. She entered her office, but didn't dare turn on her overhead light, instead, merely looking at the resume that sat of her desk earlier. It was not the first time she'd read it, and it was likely not the last, and as she thumbed though the pages, her mind meandered back to the soft gentle smile that had at one point graced those kissable lips.

"Shizuru Fujino..." Natsuki sighed the name like a fine wine, and then, she closed her eyes, leaning back into the soft leather chair. "Just what on earth does she think she's getting herself into." Natsuki couldn't be sure, as she fingered one of the cigarettes that sat in the silver case that she always carried, pondering the addiction, even if only for a moment. Then, she closed her case and sighed, licking her lips, remembering the smooth, thick voice of intoxication from earlier. No, the girl wasn't innocent...she was the furthest thing from her outward appearance, and that in and of itself seemed enough for Natsuki. "Out of the frying pan." Natsuki shrugged then, with a tiny little chuckle, putting away the resume again.

The picketers would be outside again early in the morning, and the workers would have to listen to the slanderous barbs and insults directed at them. "Into the fire. " It was an understatement. Sooner or later, Shizuru would be discovered, and she too, would have the joy of living in vocal freedom, all the while, fearing the very society who shunned such an important ideal.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I hope you guys and gals are just as excited for this next chapter as I am. I decided not to make this into a song fiction, however, I thought I'd tell you all what song did happen to inspire each chapter. This chapter, I happened to find myself listening to the song "It's Bad For Me." Sung in a duet with Rosemary Clooney and Benny Goodman. You can find this song on Grooveshark, and also on YouTube, so if you wish to hear the song, and don't have it on your Itunes like I do, that's where you should check it out.
> 
> I hope everyone enjoys this next chapter. Please read and review.

Inky Black Redemption  
Chapter 2

Shizuru had been born and raised in the upper middle class of town, and she hadn't wanted for anything growing up. She was not of the rich, yet not at all of the poor. Quite comfortably she grew up in the loving sights of a strict mother, and a successful father. She went to church every Sunday dressed in her best, and every other Saturday, she would often sip tea with young women her won age from bible study. She could do everything her father would expect of a proper young woman, and her beauty caught the eyes of several young men, who, if given time, would be wonderful, successful men.

They surely would seek a young woman to marry. Just like her father, had done himself in his youth. Some women were happy with the idea of becoming a bride. That, while lovely and grand for some, was not the dream Shizuru had in mind. However, it was the dream her father expected, and he always had his way. A man's home, truly his castle.

A day in the life of any proper household started with a good meal with the family.

It was her father's law that every morning be spent in the company of his wife and darling daughter. His words were absolute, and his values were strictly of the roman catholic faith. He was a lawyer of the highest caliber, and thus, he found it difficult to attend dinner. It was because of this, he insisted the family surrounded the table with proper food and conversation. Always, without question, oatmeal was the main staple to the meal, mostly because he preferred it. Freshly baked bread, and room temperature butter would gift the center. Like clockwork, at six in the morning a full spread of meats and other delectable treats appeared like magic before him.

He never questioned how the food got there, or how the dishes cleaned themselves after. The women in his life, particularly his daughter, often teased him about his lunch dancing into his briefcase. She knew he had no actual idea how it got there. Fresh coffee might as well have brewed itself, and he would not have cared. As long as he didn't trifle in the affairs of the house, his wife left him well enough alone about the matter. Although, it was to great dismay that he allowed her to do the book keeping, something they bickered about relentlessly in their younger years.

He was a simple man, but an honorable one, who viewed life as a platter of the richest of food.

One who craved, merely had to pluck that which was theirs to have... it wasn't his fault if some people couldn't reach that table, now was it? He thought not, and it was with that ideal in mind, that he had raised his daughter...though, upon refection, he often wondered if he had done wrong by her. She was alike in her view, and perhaps just a little more independent that she should be. She didn't require the affections of a young suitor, and that troubled her father greatly, but it was a trouble he had looked past.

It was his view that to be a woman meant a very simple life, with perhaps the simplest of things, though his wife often disagreed with him. It was with a frown upon his features that he regarded his daughter, seeing she was once again dressed in something quite professional. He sipped his dark, black coffee, pondering this, looking at his daughter through the thin rim of his glasses. His hair, that of salt and pepper, was cut short, but appropriately. The black suit he donned was crisp and clean, and he had five others like it. He claimed a man could never have enough. He even kept one in his office, and several ties as well, just on the off chance that he might need it.

He was always the first to sit at the table, and normally the last to leave. As his wife began to clean the crumbs and plates from their breakfast, Shizuru merely enjoyed what little time she had left before work, sipping on some warm tea, butterflies dancing away in her stomach. Her mind wandering to the thought of Natsuki.

"Shizuru, you look splendid today." He said, buttering a piece of golden brown toast. "However, my darling daughter, one must question just why you've been leaving so early in recent days?" It was the last one, and he seemed intent on thoroughly enjoying it. "A young man perhaps?"

"Sorry, but I'm afraid not." His hopes would always be in vain if he kept wishing something like that. "I've found work, Father. I start today." She ignored his gaze, instead, busying herself with her the orange that sat off to the side of her plate as she began to peel it. "I'm afraid I don't have the time to help Mother with her duties, and I simply won't during the week. She said she was perfectly fine with it, but, even so, I worry."

"She should be careful, but you shouldn't trifle yourself over something such as that." He nodded his head, and his tone remained even, unconcerned with the information. He was proud that his daughter had done as expected of any honorable person, seeking an honest living. He merely wished she would occupy her time with a bit of romance here and there. "Not that I find myself particularly fond of prying, but, where exactly do you work?"

"I'm a personal secretary." Shizuru answered, though her voice wasn't committed to the conversation fully. "A newspaper bureau down town recently opened a few new branch offices, and I just happened to have my interview yesterday. I honestly didn't think I would be hired so easily, but, as they say, don't look a gift horse in the mouth."

"Yes." He said then, dabbing the side of his mouth with his napkin, after having taken quite a large gulp of his coffee. "Indeed, a very truthful statement. Never forget it. Though, if you were looking for such a position, I wish you would have told me first. I'm sure I could have been some help."

"Thank you for the sentiment, but it really isn't necessary. I wish to do things on my own. I want to know that I have the skill that it takes." She said after finishing her orange. "Though, I suppose in light of that, I really should be going. I wouldn't want to be late on my first day."

"Eager, aren't you?" He replied then, with a raised eyebrow and a smirk of amusement.

"Even if I am, is that really such a bad thing?" She asked her father. He merely shrugged, a twinkle in his eye something he wouldn't speak of, and she rolled her eyes. Surely, he had to bet getting the wrong impression.

"So, there is a young love involved in your endeavors perhaps?" His words pleasantly hopeful.

"If by which you're implying my boss, who just so happens to be tall, with dark midnight hair and dazzling green eyes, then perhaps I should tell you, it could never happen." Shizuru leaned over the table then, knowing her father couldn't possibly know just where she found herself working.

"Why on earth not?" Her father declared. "Did he thwart your advances, or is he perhaps married?"

"Father, Natsuki is a woman." Shizuru said, shaking her head then as he frowned deeply.

"Oh...well, dash it all." He all but threw down his napkin as he stood from the table. "Shame on you, getting my hopes up."

"You do that well enough yourself." She said also standing and preparing to leave for work.

…

The bureau was in a tizzy by the time Shizuru arrived. Two of the machines were down, and a few of the employees were off gathering stories, unable to be of use. Shizuru could only gape in awe, at the amount of work that went into each individual paper. As they were put together and tied by hand, there were several utterances Shizuru would never dare repeat. That labor was something the large brick of a machine usually did for them. Natsuki was trying desperately to get the large, often loud machine to turn back on, a jam in the line seemingly the least of their worries. Natsuki passed off the task to Nao after a few more moments of tampering with the machine did little in the way of improvement.

In fact, Shizuru assumed it only made matters worse...the black smoke trickling from one of the vents telling all.

Natsuki led Shizuru into the back offices, and where there had once been only a single desk outside of two doors at the end of the hall, there were now two. "I'd like you to be my personal assistant so that Yukino can go back to helping Haruka." Natsuki explained as they walked down the narrow strip. "Sooner or later, I'll probably even send you to go on interviews, or things like that. Most of the time, I can't be bothered. Trying to keep this madhouse running is normally all I can get done." Shizuru's desk was of standard make, and not nearly as finely crafted at Natsuki's own, but all of the expected utensils had found their way about her area in a neat, and very organized fashion. "The most common task you'll be doing around here, is typing up the articles we accept for printing."

With that in mind, she pulled the large box from Yukino's desk that had been overflowing, placing it on top of Shizuru's. With precision, Natsuki gave a live demonstration of just how exactly she liked the stories formatted, and during that time, some where along the line, she got caught up in the trade off...unsure of just how much this girl knew about her new assigned task. "It's okay if you need to be slow at first. We don't publish weekly like most of the others do." Natsuki said softly as she leaned over Shizuru's desk, showing her the ropes.

A blush tickled her face, as she felt Shizuru's long hair tickle her cheek. "As you know, our paper is still rather new, and since the company is in its infancy we would be better off sticking to more normal topics." Her fingers tapped away in rhythm, and with every ding of the bell, Natsuki would quickly reset the machine, and go back to typing again. "We only have two typewriters that actually reset themselves automatically, so I'm sorry that you'll have to deal with this, but even I use this method at my own desk."

"This is more than adequate." Shizuru said then, looking at those pale, ink stained hands as they continued to tap away repeatedly. "Although, I think it would be more suitable if I were to type up this article, correct?" She left herself glace at Natsuki. The woman's lower lip between her teeth just ever so slightly as she nearly stopped breathing, standing frozen still, for just a moment. Something hardly noticeable.

"Well...yeah." Natsuki averted her eyes from the gentle smile she'd received at that. "Our reporters write everything by hand, so, if you ever have a question about the article that you've been told to type up, just go ahead and ask them. Nao is a total slob with her writing, so feel free to bop her in the nose with her papers if you can't read them. Anything that you finish will go directly to Yukino, she'll know what to do."

"It sounds easy enough." Shizuru said then, complying. "I'm positive I won't have any trouble."

"It's not trouble that I'm worried about." Natsuki said then, taping her knuckles on the desk absentmindedly. She looked around the office, happy that for the moment everyone was still occupied wit the large printing machines. It was both a blessing and a curse. "We'll need a repair man, and if we can't get one, we will be behind in our work. Doing everything by hand isn't going to be easy."

"That does sound a bit difficult." Shizuru said then as she looked over the page that Natsuki had been copying, and slowly she began to pat away at the keys herself.

"It really isn't that bad, but the hours will be long." Emerald eyes watched Shizuru's lack of speed, but didn't comment. Her eyes, seemingly lecherous today, lingered for a little longer on the young woman. It was inappropriate, Natsuki was sure. She had never settled her gaze upon one such as Shizuru, and her looks were something that were both an interest, and, an oddity. Fawn hair, that was surely a dime a dozen, but her eyes, like that of reddened gems sparkled even in the dim, flickering light of the office. "I don't suppose you'll be needing any guidance then?" Even as she said this, she knew what the answer would be.

"I'll be fine." Shizuru said then, pausing to meticulously read Nao's scribble. "Thank you for your concern though."

"Don't mention it...uhh...you can take your lunch whenever you see fit." It was all she could think of to say before nodding her head and going into the other room, trying to help the others. Shizuru busied herself with the small, sloppily written article that had been edited several times over already. With deft fingers she found the task fairly easy. There was only one rare occasion that the paper decide to jam. Though she was not nearly as fast as Natsuki, she could say she was happy she was more precise. She didn't have to blot out errors as often as the dark haired beauty, that currently found herself up a creak without a paddle.

Shizuru frowned at that.

She didn't know why, but the idea of Natsuki's difficulties seemed to mount up as the day went on, and Shizuru got a glimpse of just how unpopular the paper was...then again, it wasn't a popularity issue...it was something else entirely, something that very few could truly understand. She paused her task on several occasions, her eyes meeting emerald through the window of the door, and there were a few times Natsuki turned away to bark orders, though, Shizuru had no idea what she had been shouting about. The patter of pebbles along the brick wall was something quite distracting, and eventually, Shizuru found herself thankful that music began to drown out the rudeness that seemed aplenty outside of their office.

The calls of angry voices alerted her senses whenever someone entered or exited the building, and she sighed in dismay, knowing that the hateful slander would be directed at her soon enough. That is, if she were ever to be found out. She'd taken to dressing in a long jacket, and even covered her eyes with a hat when she traveled. If her father ever caught wind of this, he would be displeased. With a deject sigh, her fingers that often had a bad habit of wandering, began to tap away at the metal keys, the new blank page filling with her thoughts, her words something she knew would provoke an uproar.

She often dreamed to say what she wished, in hopes that it would reach the ears of the public. Still, even as she found herself swept away, she couldn't stop the flow of words that drifted from her heart. It was only after the first few tendrils of her thoughts painted the page, that she removed it from the machine. "Well if this isn't being conspicuous, I don't know what on earth is." She could berate herself mentally at least. Sighing as she folded her little moment of inspiration, she shook herself of the audacity that she had. Her eyes went back to the article of the newest appliances out on the market, and what they could do to make the modern woman's life easier. She forced herself to struggle through it.

The much more interesting article below made her smile widely, as if she'd come across something finally of merit.

This one was a diamond in the rough, and with eagerness at the bottom of her heart, and excitement in her eyes, Shizuru saw Natsuki's signature across the top of the page. An activist, by the name of Kruger always posted slander about the judgmental communities, a sharp tongue and quick wit at the forefront of every single thing the woman printed. Shizuru held her breath, thinking often of the brilliant words drenched in toxicity. Often Kruger's words were doleful, angry at the world, making declarations that defied the very ideal of normal.

Quite happily, and on more than one occasion, she often chanted the phrase "May the gods strike me dead otherwise!" as if to point a barb at even the higher powers. Kruger was not a god fearing woman. She was soulful, and often times down to earth. She would nitpick particular venues, and often ranted about the burlesque houses and brothels that catered to the adults seeking a little fun, and perhaps, a little more. Kruger was a feminist among women, and took pride in being such a woman. She was not one to be remotely civil in the eyes of god fearing people, nor the bigots that sent rocks flying at the windows. This article, like all of her others, begged for her voice to find the wind, in hopes that it would reach the ears of even one person.

Natsuki Kuga, the gentle and shy woman of midnight tresses, who couldn't even hold her blush for a few mere moments...it had been her. She was the infamous upstart known as Kruger. With new found interest, she peered at the top of Nao's work, and her name was Julia. It stood to reason, surely, that in order to print these types of articles, one would need a good cover, a different name provided that. It was only just as she began to tap away at they keys that Natsuki walked back into her personal office, closing the door behind her without pep in her step. She seemed void of joy, and Shizuru didn't like that.

…

She had never finished a project so quickly in her life. Still, even though she had plenty more where that came from, she stood up, straitening the simple black skirt that she had paired with a frilly white top. The black matching top was tailored to fit her snugly, and as she pulled out the pencil she had been using to keep her hair in a bun, she exhaled a breath, letting herself into Natsuki's office. "May in interest you in some coffee, or perhaps some tea?" Shizuru asked softly, standing at the door.

"Oh, no thanks." Natsuki smiled then, holding up a glass bottle, soda fizzling fresh and bubbly. "I never drink coffee in the afternoon." Upon a white handkerchief a sandwich sat, with what looked to be a large jar of mayo near by. "Have you brought a lunch today?"

"I don't often find the time." Shizuru said then softly as she walked in, her hands cupped in front of her pleasantly.

"I don't see why." Natsuki replied absentmindedly. "Everyone needs to eat." Then she nodded, putting her finger up, to indicate she would be right back, scurrying behind an unmarked, gray door that stood behind her chair, reappearing a few minuets later with a small bowl of salad and a handmade sandwich in hand, the cold cuts cold, and the bread toasty warm, folded in a white cloth, much like the one on Natsuki's desk. "I know this isn't ritzy, but it's pretty tasty. Please, join me in a bite, it suits me to join in the company of others."

"So, the infamous Kruger can sweep a woman off her feet." Shizuru smiled then as she joined Natsuki at the desk. "Should I inquire just what type of company you would like?"

"Droll..." Natsuki growled. "Very, very droll." A grumble in her voice wavered into a slight purr. "I didn't mean it like that." She found the bottle opener, removing the top of a new bottle, placing it in front of Shizuru, before settling back down. "I just so happen to live alone and take my meals the same. At lunch I normally wish to have some idle banter here and there. It keeps one as lonely as myself in high spirits."

"You are a wonderful cook." Shizuru smiled then. "Where did you learn?"

"I'm afraid you're mistaken." Natsuki chuckled then. "I don't cook well at all. I was never taught my way around the kitchen, I'm afraid."

"One would never know of it by the taste of this." Shizuru said then quietly.

"We never had an honest woman around." Natsuki explained, those words saying everything inappropriate about her parents that it could. "My dad had to feed himself somehow. However, if you were to ask for a properly cooked meal, I'm afraid all you would receive is something blackened, and a fire in the kitchen."

"I'm afraid that would drive my father absolutely batty." Shizuru giggled then, even imagining him trying to cook anything. He was hopeless without her mother. "So, if you live alone, you must enjoy a solitary life. I don't think I could ever do that, I'm so much a butterfly that I still stay at home."

"It isn't quite that easy." Natsuki said then after finishing her sandwich. "It isn't that I like to live alone, however, I find that people in our situation very rarely find a kind eye. If you've discovered that I'm Kruger, think of how easy it would be for anyone else to do the same."

"Nonsense." Shizuru said then, her voice a gentle tone. "You act nothing of the persona portrayed in your writing. You write beautifully, don't get me wrong. You simply have a more wholesome personality."

"That's because my writing is something from the heart, things I can't say outwardly." Natsuki felt crimson eyes on her, a mild surprise lacing them. "My father wants me to settle down and get married...I suppose that I should. Though I think, if that's the only other fate I'd have, I'd rather suffer nights in loneliness. At least then I can spend my days doing as I please."

"I'm sure your readers see Kruger as a very compelling woman, but you see, that's only after they've looked past the surface." Shizuru shook her head, her dainty hand reaching for her drink. "Kruger comes off as a bitter woman, who's views on society and the morals they keep should be shot dead." Shizuru told Natsuki plainly. "You on the other had, don't come off quite so bitter. In fact I doubt that you are."

"No, perhaps I don't seem like it." Natsuki pondered that as she put the bottle of coke to her lips. "Tell me then, what impression do you have of me?"

"Well, I don't know you very well." Shizuru began, a seeming disclaimer about her next choice of words. "However, you spark me as a dashing young romantic, wishing perhaps, to find a suitor. Lacking a companion to share the world with, I'm sure there are moments of sadness, yet you do not seem to let that control you. In fact, I'd like to think you've let your hardships fill you with wisdom." Shizuru averted her eyes. "Your looks are quite fetching, and any man would find an interest in you. That is, if you perhaps dress as a woman should." As she looked down at her hands that were in her lap, she coyly glanced back up, as if to gauge the reaction of the older woman.

"You, my dear are a flirt, though you do not know it." Natsuki said back softly. Two could play at that game.

"What little faith you have in me." Shizuru replied back with a small grin. "I've not yet even begun to flirt, though you seem to think I have." Then she took a sip of her bubbling soda, the long pause much needed as she contemplated that one comment. "When you look at me, what do you see?"

"Well...I suppose I see many things. Although I don't-" Natsuki stopped in her tracks when Nao came into the room knocking on the door sarcastically.

"Stop fraternizing with the new girl you pervert." Nao's grin was like a devil, and as she leaned upon the wall she pointed out into the hall. "The repairman's here, but he needs your John Hancock before he he can fix the damned thing."

"You tell that greedy base-born, that I won't sign anything or even pay a penny until after I know what's wrong with it." Natsuki snarled back, shaking her head in irritated dismay. It was always something, and she hated that today, when luckily she found herself in the company of a young, beautiful woman. It seemed everything intended to go awry, and that frustrated her more than ever. "And tell Chie I want her rear back into work tomorrow, with or without that gossip composition. We're already behind in schedule."

"She's here already." Nao chuckled, with a perverse undertone. In her hands she held the written work Chie had finished. "However, since you were busy hobnobbing with the new dame over there, she got bored. I'd be willing to bet my bottom dollar she went of to bootlick. If you were to go searching for her, I'd say she'll have her hand halfway up Aoi's thigh. She so loves to make that woman a disheveled mess."

Natsuki all but tore the papers as they crinkled in her fist, having been yanked from Nao's hand. "That's just sick." Natsuki told Nao then. "Find Chie, beat her in the head, and then meet me by the machine room." Natsuki's voice gave no room to further cause a scene, and Nao, reluctantly, complied. "Here..." Natsuki said, her voice returning to her gentle, if not occasionally melancholic purr. After smoothing out the papers she handed them to Shizuru. "Type this up, and then give anything you haven't finished to Yukino. She can help you get the rest of the articles done today. Once you're done, you may clock out and go home."

"You never did answer my question." It was the hint of a whisper, filled with perhaps just a trace of longing.

Natsuki paused, having almost been out of the door herself. She turned around slowly, her emerald eyes finding Shizuru's again as she smiled. "It doesn't really matter." Natsuki said then, as she put her hands in her pockets. Mischief reflected in the corners of their mouths, a shared smirk enough of an answer in and of itself. "You're young...and perhaps a little naive. You're the daughter of a lawyer I'd dare not cross, and thus, unattainable. No matter what I think of you, it would be foolish to tell." With that, she left the room, Shizuru dazzled, and not just a little befuddled.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I hope everyone is having a wonderful start to the new year, I know that I am. I've finally had a few days to myself without parties, or cooking, or chores...or anything else work related and I feel refreshed and ready for the new year. I hope everyone enjoys this chapter. It gets deep, but from an author like me, that's to be expected I guess...it get's fluffy so I guess that makes up for it. Anyway, enjoy the chapter all!
> 
> Though, the truth is, the major fluff will be the next chapter...so much fluff in fact, that I'm sure I'm going to go crazy, because we all know I have two extremes, drama to the max, or sickeningly sweet fluffiness! anyway, please read and review.
> 
> Don't own Mai HiME/Mai Otome...

Inky Black Redemption  
Chapter 3

Natsuki awoke to another early morning with little else to do. Her tiny flat above the offices seemed lonelier than usual. She felt as if she'd had a hangover, but nothing had touched her lips, and with a parched, dry sigh, she reached out to the half empty bottle of soda that had already gone flat. It wasn't nearly strong enough to kill off the hazy feeling in her mind. In her bathrobe and bare feet, she went down into the lower floors, trying to find something to occupy her time. She was always busy at her desk when she had nothing else better to do. She thought she may be able to keep herself busy once again, the method tried and true.

No one would be working today, and the offices would be closed. Still, she herself had work to get done, and with the soft wane of the radio near her desk, she fished out a pen and paper, scratching away on her newest composition, but in short order she found that she hadn't anything better to add. She licked her thumb before trying to separate two of the pages that were stuck together before sighing briefly. She could hear the hum of the machine in front of her, a little buzz that sometimes rang in her mind even when she wasn't working...a noise that had become her entire life.

Nothing came to her...and for once she found that her mind was blank, and devoid of the usual clutter.

It had been that way ever since Shizuru had entered her office. For a week, every day petered on slowly, and lingered within her mind. Shizuru would come in to work with a cheerful mood and the day would suddenly become brighter. She would flit around the office sharing her ideas, and often times, her company during lunch. Shizuru was becoming a busy little bee, and one that Natsuki found an attraction in. With the mildest of flirtation, and the ease of any breathtaking woman, Shizuru slipped only the tinest hints of attraction from between her lips.

It was however, enough to get Natsuki's undivided attention...her efforts to ignore the little bud of romance something nearing impossible as the days ebbed onward.

It should have been blissful, but instead she found herself sighing in despair every few minuets. She couldn't get her mind to leave matters well enough alone. Her toiling must have been louder than she thought it was, because no sooner had she gotten up from her chair to pace, that a sleepy freeloader came staggering into her office. "If you must be destitute, you should at least do it quietly." Nao yawned as she took a seat across from Natsuki. Her clothes were rumpled from having slept on the sofa in the break room, her eyes dark with circles. "Well..?" She waited, but Natsuki's pensive gaze remained on the windows overlooking a gray sky and grungy streets, morning light had not yet come.

Nao must not have been able to finish her work before nightfall. She never traveled the streets at night, knowing it would be her demise if she tried to do it alone. Natsuki often offered her a place to sleep, but more often than not, the young woman refused even that, unless winter brought forth the bitter cold. "Nao...when you came to America, what did you have in mind?" Natsuki asked softly, wondering if there was perhaps something she'd missed in the grand scheme of things.

"I never really thought about it." Nao sat forward then, partaking of one of Natsuki's cigarettes, lighting it with a match. "My mother wanted to come. Everyone said it was the land where dreams come true." Everyone thought of America as such a place. "Just like a lot of people, we came here looking for something more, I guess...some reason to belong. Turns out, the dreams are just like reality...and no matter what we do, we're still cadged."

Natsuki nodded, understanding Nao's meaning. "Perhaps we are." Even so, Natsuki knew that it was still within reach. Other people had found the dreams just beyond the reality. "Your mother did remarry though." Natsuki answered softly. "She did find happiness, so ours has got to be out there someplace."

"You and your hopes...might as well give up." Nao sighed out, dejection in her stance more than her voice as her shoulder sagged. "Land of the free, what a crock."

"Nao...being gay is wrong...it's just not part of the way things should be. Even in a free land, that wouldn't be accepted without questions posed." Natsuki replied then with a shake of her head. As she stood up, she gazed down at the streets, trying to find out if the picketers had started their morning tirade. "This land is a free place, but this place is soaked in blood, sweat, and tears...if gays want equality among that freedom, they should fight for it too...I fully believe that. One day we will be accepted, we will be equal. We'll even be able to get married, you'll see."

"You dream big, but dreams aren't apart of America for people like us." Nao said then, as if that should have occurred to Natsuki. "You're a half-breed, pride for this country runs through your veins by default."

For a moment, she considered that, but she couldn't believe her ears. For a moment, she considered that there would only be one way to hit her point home. "I would still be in Japan if my mother were still alive." Natsuki said then, in perfect Japanese, her temper flared at Nao's absurd remark. She was far more eloquent in English, having had to use it more often ever since she had been a child. "However, I can not change the past. This is the place I call home now." It was rare she used her native tongue.

"If you want to dismiss your homeland, that's up to you." Nao grumbled. "But you'll be sorry for having faith in a place like this."

Natsuki could detect the hint of homesickness that lingered in Nao's voice, just as it seemed to do often in times of privacy. "Nao, I have pride in both lands. Don't ever dare question my loyalty to either country. Both of them forever my home and heartland." It was something she herself took a very deep faith in. "Land is land, and it is up to the will of the people to make things great." It was then she turned to Nao, a defiant glare, filled with strength, and a profound loyalty. "Bygones and losses are apart of that, but I'd like to think, I would have ended up here one day anyway."

"I admire you because of your blood and spirit." Nao answered back, hurt dancing across her face. "Not everyone is so forgiving of the war, and in their mind, the pain is still fresh. So many of my people are being treated like trash, but we've not nothing wrong! If you like it here, so be it, but I can't understand why everyone loves this place so much."

"See, that right there." Natsuki pointed at her with a sigh. "That's the type of hate that breeds war and death. It promotes slavery, bigotry, slander, and insanity. If you and the rest of this god forsaken world woke up and realized that, we'd all be in a better place." Natsuki knew Nao was still young, and bitterly angry, but half of her family had been unable to immigrate. She and her mother were alone. Natsuki knew Nao's pride in Japan was strong, but she was also verdant. "The war was, and will forever be, the worst massacre I've ever even heard of. Everyone had a hand at foul play, don't think for a second that they weren't. That kind of malice doesn't breed over night, and not without deplorable action taken on all sides."

"It's easy for you to say that." Nao shot back. "I've not heard word of my family, I've no idea if they're alright."

"It matters very little." Natsuki answered then. "Nao, you're still young...if you let that hate breed within you, all you'll do is cause your mother undue stress. Not to mention that you'll give our people a bad name. No one needs anymore bloodshed. No one..."

"You're the only one I know that speaks Japanese." Nao said then, in her own doleful tongue. Her wane normally beautiful, was something dark and venomous. "Do you realize how important that is to me?"

Natsuki shook her head and smiled softly. This girl often failed to look around at those around here. "Shizuru is our kin. Fujino is not an American name." It was easy to forget that Nao could be considered a child, having never gone to high school. "There are others here, those who have the blood of our ancestors pumping through their veins. Their hearts beat with pride, and unwavering honor. America is filled with the plight of many, all of them just as heavy as your own. However, you're seventeen Nao. A young woman who needs to stand and find her way. I've known you a long time, but through all of it, I've never seen you try to learn the ways of this country. You know only enough to survive, and that will get you nowhere fast."

"I just turned seventeen get your lecherous hands away from me!" Nao pushed Natsuki's embrace away from her, and only made Natsuki grin as she ran her knuckles along Nao's head roughly. "Blasted dunderhead! I told you to stop."

"Then stop being a baby." Natsuki said then, letting go of Nao. "Listen, people care, and this place isn't so bad...it has its moments, but every place does. There is no paradise, no perfection, unless we strive to make one, and that's the American dream. To work hard, and build a home for ourselves, to raise families, and to live in happiness. This country was founded on religious freedom, but we've gained many others along the way...if we want more freedoms, we have to cry out, and let our voices speak for us...we will be heard one day, even if it isn't within our lifetime..but in order for that to happen, we have to strive, and struggle, just like those before us."

"Why did you ask me all of that, if you knew it was going to upset me..." Nao queried, fixing her hair, pulling it out of her eyes.

"My mind has been on Shizuru...I've got to wonder what type of life she's lived." Natsuki explained, though she figured Nao had caught wind of that. "When I came here, I was not yet at the onset of womanhood, but I wasn't a tot either. All I can remember is crying at the orphanage, thinking that I didn't have anyone anymore. I'd only met my dad a few times before that. Who would have thought that an American drafted against his will would end up falling in love with my mom?" It was after all, normally an unfounded idea. "I never thought he would come for me, he had to fight hard to bring me back here...I didn't want to leave Japan at first, but he told me something. Land is land, and even if you find riches, you wont find happiness. Dad really has been good to me, you know?"

"He hasn't beaten you within an inch of breath yet." Nao said, and not entirely in jest either. "That's got to be rare."

"It is, but...I came here, standing next to my dad in childlike delirium. Back then, I thought dreams could go so much further. I wanted to find something, even as a child...I feel as if, for the first time ever in my life, I've found a person who sees things the way I do." Natsuki said then as she sat back down at her desk, partaking herself a cigarette. "I know for a fact, Shizuru's father wouldn't hear of her being with another woman. He thinks highly of her, and would never accept anything but normalcy." Outside the voices of a few young men wafted into earshot. "If he ever found out what his daughter may have to face..." Natsuki sighed, knowing they may throw rocks, or try to burst open the metal door. "It would be a dismal day indeed."

"Guard your heart." Nao said then, folding her arms. "You don't need love, it's all rubbish anyway."

"Oh, but I do. Everyone does, even if they don't show it." The way Natsuki said it called for something...someone more, and it made Nao sigh.

"Then you, my friend, are fit to be tied."

…

Natsuki sighed, tapping her finger on her desk as it neared late into the afternoon.

Sitting in front of her happened to be a strip of paper with a number on it, and in her other hand she fiddled with the idea of actually picking up the phone. Lost now, for the forth hour in a row, she couldn't work, and couldn't nap. She was restless, food something that had no flavor, and the radio providing little in the way of entertainment. She thought to go see a friend of hers, who actually owned a television, but decided not to even try. Her mind would make each picture into something entirely new, she could just fathom the blush on her cheeks at the mere hint of the variety show.

She needed a distraction, but she knew the more she pushed the thought away, the more Shizuru would linger in her mind, playing trickery even in absence. A cold shower and a hot meal wouldn't save her, but perhaps, if she were to call, and take a listen to the sweet sound of her voice, all could be solved. She knew that too, was highly unlucky, but it was the best she could do, unless, she could convince the younger woman to meet her out for a day out. The very thought of a movie tickled her fancy, of which Natsuki was sure a double feature would be playing. Still, she was sure it would look odd, picking Shizuru up after having called her.

It was all out of the question...she couldn't go through with it...but, she could at least, pay Shizuru a visit. She feared she was just being paranoid, but even so, she decided to go upstairs and get dressed. She didn't want to risk her heart, or her mind, playing tricks on her.

She found a pair of Chinos that she tossed on, and then wrapped her breasts tightly in bandages before pulling on a white v-cut shirt and a black sports coat that she left open. Atop her head, mostly to help conceal her eyes from few that would dare question her, she selected a black fedora with a silver strip of cloth around it. She smirked...she was passable, but, questionable. She was sure a few people were going to comment on her long hair, or girlish face. Still, it was uncanny for a woman her age to dress like that, so surely most would leave her alone even if they knew, thinking it odd of her to do such a thing.

People tended to avoid the unknown.

With that, and Shizuru's address in mind, she exited out of the back door of her home, knowing there was very little else she could do. A few bills in her wallet, a jingle of coins, and the bright sun made her smile. Her favorite brand of cigarette hung loosely from her grin as she strut down the city streets with her hands in her pockets. The picketers outside non the wiser as she snickered at their tomfoolery. Life was good, the day was grand, and as far as she was concerned, she was off to drop in on a friend, simply because she happened to be uptown.

It was the perfect alibi, even if she would have to take the train just to get there.

Shop owners sold their doodads and trinkets to the passers by. Restaurants and corner carts gifted everything from sweet to savory, calling hungry guests. The afternoon was just right for a brisk stroll. Not not at all cold, and yet, a subtle breeze just strong enough to sway the leaves that adorn the trees. She contemplated the candy shop that wafted a sweet, inciting melody. One of freshly made chocolates, hand pulled taffy, and finely intricate sugar creations. Their cakes were to die for, and their penny candy attracted the younger crowed.

A few of the drug stores that she passed, had young drones romancing beautiful gals, buying them a soda, or perhaps sharing a float. Natsuki continued walking but in the back of her mind, she thought about how often in the past she'd wanted to do those things. To romance a young woman, one such as herself. To buy flowers, or even to kiss her on the cheek in public, to hold her hand and as they walked down the street...perhaps, she was indeed a romantic at heart, but, with a dour expression back in her youth, that she'd concluded it wouldn't ever happen. She accepted that, at the very least...

However, she found herself quite smitten with Shizuru, and for whatever reason, Natsuki didn't sway herself to resist the call of intrigue.

When she finally reached the quaint little house, she noted that flower beds were often tended. The grass was green, and the porch aged. A cozy little home, made for the comfort of a little family. Fumbling with the coins in her pocket, she knocked on the front door before she put out her cigarette, concealing the butt before the door opened. She grinned when she saw a gentleman, who she had the chance to meet many times before. "Mr. Fujino." Natsuki tipped her hat. "It's a pleasure."

"Well, if it isn't Natsuki. Still the oddity as ever I see." His words were dry, as he smirked at the girl who was not quite so little anymore. "It's good to see you. Been years since I last gazed upon such a preposterous girl." Then a frown fell upon his face. "I do hope your father is well..." It was the only reason he could think of for Natsuki to pay his home a visit.

"Dad's fine. His ticker is just as strong as it was last he went to the doctor." Natsuki said then, taking off her hat completely. Her green eyes of emerald shimmered softly, as she smiled. "Of course, if you were to ask him, he'd likely blame me for addling him."

"You do tend to do that, now don't you." The grumble was soft, but not harsh as he nodded. "So then, if your father is well, then why the visit?"

"Actually, I'm here to gossip with Shizuru." Natsuki's grin, troublesome as he'd remembered it, caused the man to shake his head. "I've got nothing better to do today, unless of course, I went out to harass the poor dressmakers."

"Oh, please don't do that...you've done quite enough of that in youthful stupor." He said thoughtfully before something Shizuru had mentioned clicked. "A woman indeed." He spoke cryptically, nodding to himself. "I thought you were a mere paper gal. I had no idea you were in the position to hire someone, let alone be the head of the bureau. Moving up in this world, aren't you, Natsuki."

Natsuki shook her head. "I'm merely a shareholder I'm afraid. I don't own the company by myself." Then for good measure she took to bowing down in weakness to the male ego. "A women couldn't possibly own a bureau as large as a dealer for newspapers, and you should know that." She wasn't about to say that the other shareholder was also a woman. It was indeed rare for women to own such a thing, but, she wasn't just a simple little lady. She had aspirations, and she was intent of following them through.

"No, I suppose not." He nodded, satisfied with that answer, it appealed to his own ideal about a woman belonging in the home. "Though, if a woman ever could own something as grand as that, it would have to be a woman such as you." He was fond of Natsuki, though it seemed that she hadn't outgrown her insistence on wearing clothes suited only for boys...no, instead she had grown from lad's overalls, into a man's Chinos. "I'll fetch Shizuru, please wait here." Something about that tickled him, thinking it amusing. "Shizuru, an odd duckling as wandered over to our door." He called for her, stepping away to find the young woman.

"This is quite the surprise." The voice Natsuki so loved to hear played in the air. When Shizuru came to the door, wearing a bright yellow dress, her hair drifting freely, framing her face, Natsuki beamed. The woman in front of her was gorgeous. "I had no idea you knew my father." Shizuru jovially told Natsuki as she closed the door behind her. A tiny handbag clasped in her palm, keeping only a select few items. "Although, you have impeccable timing, I was just off to go shopping. Any later and you might have missed me entirely."

"Lucky guess." Natsuki shrugged as they walked down the path. "As far as your father goes, Tadao Fujino is a client of my dad. They used to meet every other week to discuss investments, and he would come to visit after, normally prattling on about things that I didn't care about. They're pretty good friends, actually."

"Then, as their daughters, it would be only fitting that we also become friends, isn't that correct?" Shizuru asked, though she kept her eyes on the road ahead of her. "Well, I have a headline for you. Friends do not linger continually in the back of my mind." With a rueful little laugh, she rolled her eyes. "Father thinks I'm pining over some young man."

"Little does he know." Natsuki nodded, but then she frowned, her voice dropping to a quiet tone, so that others around her wouldn't hear. "In times like these, no one can know about something as wrong as this." There was an unspoken connection between them, and that understanding made everything even more dire. "You won't have many allies, and you could lose any of the friends that you think you may have. This...it isn't normal."

"Social butterfly though I am, I don't have many true friends. There are times I doubt if they like me at all." The first shop they came across, the grocer, was merely a quick step in and out, Shizuru merely handing the gentleman at the counter a slip of paper and a few bills attached. "Much like you, I often question the world in which we live, something Father tells me shall be my greatest setback."

"I wouldn't think that to be the case." Natsuki's eyes fell upon a mother and two little tots she was leading by the hands. They were only one group of many that seemed to pass them by. "It is with childlike innocence that we should step where many dare not, and with an adult's perspective that we deem appropriate everything that is right and wrong. However, we can only conclude such morality, when we dare to strike out and act upon it. Love is very much the same."

"The odd young man makes a point." The shop keeper said, having been listening in with half an ear. "You sir, must be a scholar." He handed the finely wrapped package over so the Natsuki could carry it, and with a wave, he bid farewell to his two costumers, unbeknownst to the smirk on Shizuru's face, and Natsuki's well hidden frown. They walked to a few more stores, and the novelty of Natsuki hadn't worn off. The shopkeepers either ignored her, or mistook her for an obscure young man, something she didn't dare correct them on, but aggravated her all the same. The final store owner that they happened to visit, a boutique, was the very last straw on a very thin rope. Natsuki all but ran out of the the store, the woman inside either quite lonely or simply crazy, and Natsuki was unsure which it was.

"Such a strapping young man, Natsuki!" Shizuru had taken much amusement to the final little debacle.

"Not another word." Natsuki retorted. "Mark my words, I'll eat my fedora before I ever step foot in that place again."

"Oh, but if you do that, you'll have to go in to buy another." Shizuru said then as Natsuki rolled her eyes.

"I don't find this the least bit amusing." Natsuki grumbled, tilting her hat to hide her face all the more. "This is why I loathe going outside."

"Perhaps, if you dressed as a proper woman, you wouldn't have that issue." Shizuru said, a low burning pity in her eyes. "You can wear things besides dresses, things that would look simply lovely on you."

"I could, yes..." Natsuki couldn't though if she wanted to be left well enough alone. "However, dressed like this, I have a chance of being with you. No one questions what I may or may not do...as a woman, well, that's all the more different." She had the perfect cover, doing only things that a man would do. She was carrying all of the boxes and bags, her attire screamed of being a man, and though she was an oddity, she had been seen around town enough in such attire. "Dressed as a man, I simply have more freedom in my speech and actions. It's a pity, really, but it is something I've learned to deal with."

"What freedom is that?" Shizuru asked then, as they reached the front of her house.

"Well, for starters, I have the luxury to ask a beautiful young woman out to dinner." Natsuki said then with a soft smile. "If you would do me the honors, I'd be happy to pick you up tomorrow evening."

"Wouldn't that be a bit risky?" Shizuru felt butterflies in her stomach at the question. "I mean, I would love to dine with you, but-"

"Don't worry." Natsuki said with the gentlest touch of her finger upon Shizuru's lips. "It'll be a double date, and I'll see to it that everything goes flawlessly. There is strength in numbers, my dear, and I've learned this game quite well by now." With a pleading sparkle in her eyes she slowly removed her finger from those velvety lips. "Now then, would you like to have dinner with me. Would you please do me that honor?"

"Yes." Shizuru said then, lost within that gaze. It was impulsive perhaps, but she just couldn't deny Natsuki. "I'd be delighted to go." Her heart wishing to feel that hand in hers, she desired so much to feel even just one single embrace.

"Wonderful." Natsuki smiled with a nod. "I'll pick you up at seven tomorrow night." Though as she looked down she remembered something. "For now though, lets get these groceries inside and put away."

"Indeed." Shizuru led the way. "Then you should join us for tea."

…

The perfectly constructed lie needed players who could thwart others easily enough, and Natsuki knew there was only one man skilled enough for the job.

She thought him to be an idiot, but he was, at least, trustworthy. He was rash in his younger years, and brazen enough to hide the truth of his feelings. He and Natsuki had an understanding between them, that no matter what, they were little more than a cover story. Natsuki, who was openly gay, still battled to keep herself a secret from those she couldn't trust. That number was actually quite large. Most of her extended family had no idea, and a startling number of her friends would never be told, for pure safety if nothing more. The man in question was much the same, and he was completely closeted from his loving, but bigoted family.

Together they played the role well of a wayward on and off couple. Many thought they simply didn't fit with each other, but couldn't seem to do without each other either.

They'd managed to fool everyone around them who didn't know of the truth. Her father had taken a liking to him instantly, but that was perhaps the perfect reasoning, and her father wished dearly that they would get married. It wouldn't likely happen, unless one, or both of them were found out. Being married to each other would be a better alternative...the only other option would be having everyone slander and abuse them...or, quite possibly worse. That wasn't a fate she wished to ever see...and so, marriage was kept in the back of their pocket, as a last ditch resort for their safety, if little else.

The truth was, they were individuals by nature, and liked to stay that way.

Her deft fingers dialed a number that she knew by heart, calling him often for things of this nature. She waited for the ringing to stop, as he abruptly picked up the phone, something he did so often, it came as a second nature to hear a curse muttered as he dropped the receiver. "Who is it this time?" He muttered, it was late into the evening, and he already knew there was only one person who called so late, his formalities lost by the notion.

"Don't be ignorant." Natsuki said then, though she took humor his plight. "Listen, I wanted to know if you'd be interested in a double date tomorrow night, at seven sharp. You and a friend could meet up here, and we could all go together to pick up my date, how does that sound?" Natsuki asked, enjoying a freshly cut and lit cigar, something she rarely took joy in, but savored the good feeling in her heart, today's events bringing her warmth. It only added to the wonderfully sinful taste in her mouth.

"I don't know..." His voice was sleepy, but Natsuki could hear there was something else troubling him. "Reito hates that we have to keep lying about things, and he's getting to be a bit frazzled."

"Takeda, trust me, I'm at my wits end here too...but what does Reito think he can do, just take off and elope with you?" Natsuki could hear her friend and his dejected monotone. Takeda was in love, and lost by what to do. "You know our lives have to be this way for a reason."

"You and I know our fate." Takeda said then softly, almost painfully saddened and defeated. "Reito however, hasn't found a good cover yet, and his parents keep pushing women onto him, it's just getting difficult. He can't stand it, and I'm floundering here. It's getting harder to support him, when I know he's being forced into dating those women. Will it always be this hard?"

"It will be...until the day when people can open their eyes." Natsuki said then. She knew one day, sooner or later purely for appearances, she may actually end up marrying Takeda, but even if it did happen, it would only be fore show, something they'd become masters of for the public eye. "He knew getting involved with you would bring every sort of trouble, but he chose you Takeda, not the women that keep coming around. You've gotta admit, some of them were lookers. He's stayed faithful, and if he could find someone that clicked with him, that could play their cards as well as we play ours, it wouldn't be so hard."

"The lie will come up one day." Takeda said then.

"And when it does, we will get married." Natsuki shot back. "Then we claim infertility and leave it at that. Life goes on, just like before. Reito just needs to find someone who can put up with that, and what better person than the woman I wish to make mine." It was, and would forever be the perfect lie, and the key to their happiness. No one would suspect a thing, but, even if they did, no one would dare speak of it, the idea merely unfounded in and of itself. "I know you'd like to make an honest man out of Reito, but dishonesty is our key to survival, and to our happiness."

"Do you think he could ever find a woman who could get along that well with him?" That was indeed the truest question.

"Shizuru could..." Natsuki said then. "She could do it, and I guarantee you, she would never fall in love with him. My eyes are on her, and hers are on me."

"What if they do?" Takeda asked then.

"I swear to all gods in heaven that they won't." Natsuki said. "But if hell froze over, and they do happen to fall in love, at least we would have saved two people from our personal hell." Takeda got quiet at that and Natsuki sighed. "One dinner out, that's all I'm asking...after that, if Reito hates her, then I won't get the two of you involved, but I really think Shizuru could be the one for me, and I don't want to lose that chance...I want to be able to love her, and show her that being in a love like ours is possible, and this is the only way I can."

"Alright..." Takeda could hear the pleading in Natsuki's voice and knew it was impossible to decline the offer. Natsuki would take Shizuru on that date come hell or high water, and the danger in that didn't sit well with him...it did, however, gift him the tiniest bit of comfort. "I'll tell Reito about dinner tomorrow when I see him at the factory. We'll meet at your place at six, and grab your gal at seven...I just hope you know what you're doing."

"I haven't the slightest." Natsuki said then. "Thank you though, for understanding."

"You can thank me by catching the tab." Takeda chuckled then, put at ease by her happy tone.

"The money will be in your pocket before we even leave my flat." With the agreement in place, Natsuki bid her farewell, a small smile on her face. Life was indeed good, but she intended on making it grand.


	4. Chapter 4

ing your support, it means a lot. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this next chapter.

Inky Black Redemption  
Chapter 4

The office was busy, but not completely hectic. Natsuki went about working on her latest and greatest masterpiece, sighing dejectedly, when she'd heard people shouting at Nao from across the street. It came not as a shock, but a disappointment that the ruckus had made her misspell a word. She found that the little strips she used to blot ink were empty, and that irked her. Stepping out into the hall, where Yukino sat pattering away on a few documents, she nodded to herself. Yukino was swimming in paperwork. By the contrast, Shizuru's desk was clean, nearly spotless and organized to perfection. It was the perfect spot to find some unused strips, though, that wasn't what greeted Natsuki when she first pulled the top drawer open.

Crumpled papers seemed to be shoved near the back, and while Natsuki often didn't finder herself one for prying, she found it rather odd that Shizuru would be hording random scraps of paper. She plucked one nearest to her, and tried to smooth out the horrifically crumpled mess. She'd expected many things, Shizuru's creativity being one of them, but this surpassed her expectations. The first few lines were something that brought her great interest. After peeking up at the hallway, she gathered the other little torn bits and carried them into her office, shutting the door behind her.

None of the entries were long, little tidbits here or there. However, that wasn't Natsuki's point of interest. Instead, her eyes focused on the things between the lines, the points when the words seemed to cut off, as if, for whatever reason, the typist had pulled themselves from whatever inward prison they'd found themselves in...forgoing even finishing the mere thought, let alone an entire page. The content was lack luster, but still a diamond, one waiting to be polished, and it was with that idea in mind, Natsuki found herself playing with the tatters, as if they were a puzzle to unravel.

Natsuki smirked at that, an idea had come to her attention. She began to place a new clean sheet of paper into the machine before setting to work collecting only the finest segments, ones that could be salvaged, or at the very least, rewritten. she took the latter and put those in a folder. It took well over an hour to put back together Shizuru's tattered array of musings, ones that seemed to be just long enough to tease a person, but short enough to be little more than blurb. She eyed the paper in front of her, and carefully sipped her soda.

If she were to propose to Shizuru such an idea as this, the woman would need protection, a solid one.

Written musings by Viola. Natsuki wrote freehand across as a pad of paper...then, she decided against it. She crossed most of it out. Viola. She liked that name, something hard to predict, hard to read...nearly unidentifiable. Viola...she wrote the name and then sighed aloud. "Viola...a woman who provokes the most uncanny of things...as if to call forth questions most of a common mind would not dare to think..." She muttered to herself before coming up with the perfect title for the segment. She filed the little number away in her desk, something to bring up in conversation later as she returned to her own staggering work.

She felt so new and invigorated that she fervently typed away at the keys as if they were her very breath. She hadn't even noticed that lunch had arrived until Shizuru came walking in with Natsuki's portion. "Someone seems a bit busy." Shizuru commented putting Natsuki's meal in front of her. "Newly inspired, or perhaps just irritated at the world?" She frowned at the the glare that eyes seemed to burn into Natsuki's compilation.

"A bit of both." Natsuki said then as she turned off her typewriter with a gentle voice. "Although honestly, I've had my mind on other things recently." Natsuki bit her lip then, tonight's date on her mind. With her judgement clouded on what to wear, she found that typing anything was beyond difficult. She knew that was particularly odd, since she was not normally the type to get so giddy over a date. Truth be told, as Takeda often took great pleasure in, Natsuki rarely dated at all. Her interest in others very select, and generally fleeting at best. "I've arranged a bit of a cover for us this evening, so don't be alarmed when a strapping young man comes to the door."

"You've taken great care into planning this little outing of ours, haven't you?" Shizuru's comment offhanded and jovial, as she contented herself with the kettle of water that sat atop a hotplate. Fresh tea at the forefront of her mind, as she always enjoyed during her lunch break. "I do hope that you've managed to get something written, in the least."

"A swing, and a miss." Natsuki's reply twofold. "I wouldn't say I've planned out all that much of our day, but it has been keeping me thoroughly distracted." Natsuki answered then, in between a bite of her meal, and clearing her desk of any papers that might suffer if she didn't. Her salad was covered in mayo, to the point that the once leafy greens had wilted. "I have regular haunts, so to speak, and it really is an easy choice. Though, since it is a double, for our own protection, I've made sure that our partners in crime are at lest good friends. Takeda, like us, often wishes he could have a night on the town, without having people stare at him."

"Then I guess it's a good thing you've invited him along." Shizuru was about to sit down, to enjoy a short natter, when Haruka's voice came bellowing through the hall like a wrecking ball. "Oh my, what happened this time?" Shizuru inquired as both she and Natsuki gazed down the long corridor, only hearing the shouting, and not seeing the cause.

"Oh, there are any number of reasons why Haruka bellows." Natsuki disregarded it. "Haruka would have come in the room spitting fire by now, if it had truly been something drastic. Nao probably said something to upset her again. It happens often enough, though, I suppose Chie could have been caught with Aoi...the two of them do tend to cause a stir." The work in her desk came to mind, Shizuru's musing, to be spoken of at a later date perched at the tip of her tongue. "I wouldn't worry, come sit and enjoy your meal." She wished she could idly discuss something of the sort. Still, now was not the time, and though her fingers rested on the metal handle of her drawer, she knew well to keep a low profile. "Tell me, when you decided to apply here, just what sort of position were you intending to find?" Still, like a kitten to water, Natsuki found herself splashing in the low tide.

"I'm sure this comes as a shock, but, I honestly didn't have a plan." She'd played with many ideas when she'd first written her resume. The mere idea of even working in any environment seemed better than staying at home. "I let my mind trifle around here and there, but in the end, I knew I'd be happy to just be hired. This place is different Natsuki, so much in fact, that I find myself amazed every time I walk through those doors." If it was Natsuki's cool exterior towards most, or Haruka's brash temper, Shizuru remained unsure. She knew there would never be an environment quite like this one, a motley set of coworkers only part of the magic.

"So, you never thought to get into journalism directly." Natsuki nodded. "Quite odd really, since you strike me as the type to want to venture out. I know you well enough by now, to know that you are by far nothing of what your resume states." No, Shizuru went above and beyond the simple words on that paper. "You remind me a lot of Nao, in her younger years. Plenty enough to say, but no way in which to say it. Though, I assume that's what makes you so interesting. Even when you first came into my office, I knew that you were of an inquiring mind."

"That's kind of you to say." Shizuru said meekly, unsure of where Natsuki's words were stemming from.

"I mean it, and not just because of my interest in you." Natsuki said then, her thumb running across the cold metal, and she wished she could say something, but she knew now, Shizuru was becoming meek, as if she could be one of those flighty writers. "Everyone here has a chance to write at least one article. We work here because we want a voice, and if you ever want to speak yours, Shizuru, you need only to ask, and I will enable you. It's what I've done for everyone here, and you would be no different."

…

The long workday finally came to an end, but not before Nao had managed to harass the picketers with some spoiled garbage, the cause for Haruka's ranting now well known. As if that weren't enough, one of the machines insisted remaining on the fritz, and being one machine down was an increasing amount of work. Some would be staying late into the night, purely to play catchup. Natsuki would usually be apart of the crew, as would Nao and Chie, the three of them often pulling more hours than all of the others. Purely out of passion, not obligation. Still, Natsuki's evening was already preoccupied, so although she persisted when others went home, there too had to come a time when she vacated her desk, leaving Nao and Chie alone.

Some would question it, most would think her stupid...but she knew well she could trust them. It also helped that she bribed them with some extra pay from her own pocket if things went by smoothly. Though for some, the pocket coins offered seemed unimportant, Nao knew that with it, she could afford her mother's medicine for another day. She'd be a fool to pass that up. She would behave and work, merely for that alone. Chie, who lived by herself, took joy in sticking her nose into details that was not her own. She did it with a spring in her step, so long as she could dish out the dirty details. Natsuki only had to promise the woman free rein on a few of her more deplorable topics, and Chie was well enough amused.

So, with the residual work safely in check, Natsuki prepared for her date...though, she found it harder than she thought it would be.

It wasn't often that she would put on a dress, she loathed the attire completely. It was even more of a rarity that she would put on any sort of makeup, and when she did, she made point to select only the minimum required amount. Still, she took pride in the fact that she could look drop dead amazing in the little number she had on, if only she chose to do so, and for Shizuru, she would. It was a cocktail dress in blue, and the heels she chose with it, while not very high, did give her calves that extra lift she'd been hoping for. She knew she was stunning, but she also knew how often that would attract problems.

There were many young men who often tried to grasp onto even just a moment of her attention when she dressed as a woman should. That was why she preferred to avoid their attention at all cost. She also couldn't deny the fact that the clothes men donned were far more comfortable. She almost didn't recognize herself in the mirror, the first gander something of a shock, and she sighed a shaky breath.

Her boggled mind was easily noticed by her companions. "You look just fine, Natsuki." Takeda told her, both in truth, and in comforting jest. "If we don't hurry out of here we'll be late. You can't keep a lady waiting, it's rude."

"Don't startle the poor girl." Both of these men were tall, dark, and handsome. Reito's charm was not only in his looks, but his princely like demeanor, something the women would fawn over at the drop of a hat. "We've got plenty of time." He was of slender build, but also a strong, gentle man, who's eyes shimmered with kindness and unfounded loyalty. His hair was jet black, and cropped short. However, he, unlike his dark features and simple smile, was indeed true gentleman.

"You drive like a snail." Takeda said then, a truthful statement. "If we put him behind the wheel, we'll never make it in time." Takeda was a strapping, brazen man, who's outgoing and forthcoming demeanor often dazzled the ladies. Unlike Reito, who enjoyed a suitable flirt here or there, normally rejected oncoming advances, his heart for one, and one alone. His hair, a dark brown, like a shadow to his deep completion, something of an oddity that gifted him many a problem. "I should drive."

"Are you daft?" Finally she found her purse and was thankful it still looked to be in good condition, considering she'd left it in the corner of her closet. "I'll be the one driving tonight, besides, I'm the only one who knows where Shizuru lives." Natsuki's words were law, as she was likely the best driver, though she herself didn't own a vehicle. It was simply out of her budget, and out of the realm of possibility, knowing she'd have no place safe to put it. "When we get to the house, Reito will go and sweep her up. To be honest I can't wait."

"I loathe being the errand boy." Reito said as he rolled his eyes, pocketing the money Natsuki had given them. "Is she at least a prim and proper young woman?" She had promised to pay for their meals, knowing that the personal friend of theirs was not a cheep place to eat, remotely. It was, however, safe...and she liked the idea of safe. "I'd hate to be over dressed." Both of the men were in suits, even if the occasion didn't quite call for it.

"Well, she isn't Nao." Natsuki replied back, a small smirk on her face at Reito's deject sigh. "Shizuru was raised in a household of good christian people, with good christian morals...and her parents want to wed her off to a proper young man...only the best for their daughter." Natsuki muttered as she led them outside and through the back door.

"So, in other words, everything that you are not. I see, though, it makes perfect sense." Reito sighed then, understanding why he would be the one doing the pick up. "I'm going to burn in the pit of hell for this." His bold declaration earned merely a snort in response and he felt at a loss. "I do hope her parents won't expect me to get jolly with her."

"Even if they didn't, I would highly encourage it, within reason, of course." Natsuki said then, her voice low as they approached the parked ford. "I really like Shizuru, and if you would be so kind as to put up an act, we'd finally be in the clear. I could properly date Shizuru, and you could do the same with Takeda. This is in your best interest, just as it is mine."

"You and your big dreams." Reito said then, though he handed Natsuki the key as he said it. "I doubt anyone could keep up."

"Reito, my love, I think you're missing the point. No one needs to keep up." Takeda's voice though deject, was filled with his version of the truth. "She intends to bring the future to us, not the other way around. Such a foolhardy woman should know better. One day, she'll be discovered, mark my words."

"I'll mark them in my blood, should it ever fall from my body." Natsuki said then, the tone honest, and slightly fearful. "Even so, I would do it with a smile, not even death would be a worthy opponent for my happiness, if I could be with Shizuru for one more day. I would regret nothing, I assure you."

"I was afraid you'd say that." Takeda finally gave in with a sigh falling from his lips as they drove through the city. "Natsuki, I implore you, please be careful. It isn't every day you find your eye caught on something, and now that it's set on a woman, I fear you may just be ill prepared."

"I don't need a lamb skin, and she isn't a concubine." Natsuki said then, a smirk on her face as she peered at the two men in the back seat. "I fail to see how I'm ill prepared."

"Natsuki...this alibi won't hold out forever." Takeda's low warning uttered in simple defiance. "Be mindful of that." It was his silent plea, and she knew it.

"Leave her to her fun." Reito said then, putting his hand on Takeda's shoulder, trying desperately to comfort him. "We've found happiness and warmth, and we also risk a great deal by doing so. You've no right to scold her, or continue to prattle on like some old buffoon." He knew Takeda cared for Natsuki, and though he would never be in love with her, there was a profound attachment that no one would dare speak of. "All will go well, you'll see."

"This evening surely will." Natsuki's voice filled with hope at that. "Everything beyond that, not even god has the foresight to see." The rest of the drive was endured in mostly comfortable silence, though she noticed the soft gleaming in Reito's eyes, something of a smirk on his lips as Takeda rolled his eyes in dismay. They were an odd pair, even she could admit that, but, she dare not say a word, her eyes focusing on the road ahead.

…

"Really father, if you'd kindly leave the window alone, I'm sure time wouldn't pass by so slowly." Shizuru said as she sipped her tea. "A watched pot never boils, you know."

"I just wish you would have told me of your date earlier." Her father grumbled absentmindedly, the thick glasses upon the bridge of his nose seeming to slip at every notice. "I'm always kept out of the loop, it's such a travesty. You're my only daughter Shizuru, and I intend that you find the care of a good man."

"Tadao dear, come sit down and read, you look like a loon." Suzume sighed as she focused on the book that occupied her eyes, though she had an urge to roll them at her husband, his antics childlike and questionable. He could be a very playful man, but to do it in front of the large window spoke of little more than trouble.

"Haven't you any bit of interest in Shizuru's young man?" The grumpy retort was met with a quiet glare and he sighed. "I'm just acting as a concerned father would." He then turned to his daughter again, curiosity tickling him, the mere idea of her finding a suitor both frightening and exciting. "You really should tell me about this boy. I haven't heard a peep about it."

"There really isn't much to tell, Father." Shizuru didn't have anything she could say to that, his questions becoming both bothersome and taxing. She needed to get creative, little white lies in the back of her mind, though she didn't want to use them. "He's kind, well educated, good looks, and a hard worker...at least, according to what I've heard." Shizuru tallied off all that she could, in hopes that perhaps she could persuade her father to leave her alone. "Natsuki invited me along on a double, and I thought it might be fun, but I'm as blind as you are." She didn't want to lie, but if he kept it up, she'd have to start.

"Of all the people to trust." Tadao sighed dejectedly. "Natsuki is a nice girl, don't get me wrong, but she is a bit..." He couldn't think of a nice way to say things, and merely shook his head. "She's a very odd little duckling, who's seemed to confused herself. She acts as if she were a prince instead of a swan." It was the nearest thing he could come up with. Even that description lacked something.

Shizuru suppressed a smile at that. Natsuki was quite princely in her own, subtle ways. However, before she could come up with a proper defense, her mother thankfully cut in. It was a rarity, but a gift, during times like this. "Shizuru is plenty old enough to make her own assumptions." Suzume said quietly as she sipped on the tea she had next to her. "She doesn't need us to do it for her. Besides, when this boy comes to the door, you'll get a glimpse of him then." It was at that, when the car pulled up. Natsuki and Takeda exiting the car to stand on the street corner, while a strapping young man dressed to impress meandered up the walkway with flowers in hand. "See there he is now." Suzume offered gratefully, returning to her book.

"Oh goody." A low rumbling laugh came from Tadao's belly. "Now I can meet this lad." The women shared a look at the jovial tone that slipped from his lips. An inward sigh they dare not breath, something they agreed upon.

"You keep away from that door Tadao, don't go making trouble." Suzume warned, not allowing for any debate.

Tadao thought about that as he took in the appearances before him. Natsuki was actually dressed as a proper woman, something he hadn't seen in all of his memory. She was beautifully dressed, and the young man next to her was of respectable people, he knew that boy's family personally. The other one, he had never met before, but still understood the implication. Tadao nodded approvingly, seeing that the boy coming to their door was properly suited to the occasion, and looking man enough to trust.

Even as he escorted their daughter out for the evening, he did so with a positive stride in his step, confidence in his eyes, and a gentle smile, thankfully from the neck up. "That boy better treat her carefully." Tadao grumbled as he watched them enter the car and drive away. "Hopefully, with any luck, she'll be home at a respectable hour."

"And even if she were to dance until dawn, you'd best not complain." Suzume finally told him, wagging her finger in a scolding manner. "You may be king of this house, but I'm still the queen, and if you so much as utter one peep at her for going out with that young man, you'll be eating your dry cleaning. I surely won't cook for a pig headed dictator."

Her husband merely frowned and crossed his arms. Such a threat, while true, was not of his concern. "You aren't worried in the slightest?" Tadao asked his wife then, genuinely curious about that aspect.

"Tadao, she's a young woman." She told him as she turned the page in her book. "Even if she dares not speak of what her heart desires, she still holds them near at all times. That's just the way we women are. We dare not have our fathers know about what we do, you know I surely never spoke to my father about us." She smiled then, the perplexed look that fell over his normally stern face something comical. "I'll fish around for details later, but only after Shizuru is willing to dish them out. Leave her alone until then."

…

"Oh you should have seem him. I thought he was about to burst." Two couples sat around the table in the back corner as Shizuru regaled them on her father's misadventure. "He kept toying with the hems of the drapes, as if that would make time go by faster. It was highly amusing. Honestly, I wish we'd have had a photographer for that one." Their refuge of choice was a place Shizuru had never eaten at, but the smells were divine. It wasn't exactly a hub for the youngsters, but, it didn't attract an older crew either. The place a quiet lounge, a safe seclusion, owned by a good friend of three of them.

"I'll bet." Natsuki chuckled then as their food came. "Then again, you should have seen it from our perspective, his jaw was nearly on the floor. I thought he was trying to catch flies."

"Father has a tendency to excite himself over the silliest things." Shizuru nodded, thanking the waitress with a nod when her small dinner salad landed softly in front of her. "You know, there could have been any number of things he could have been imagining. That meddlesome mind of his never seems to find rest."

"With all of his fawning at the window, I half expected him to follow you out to the car." Natsuki smirked then. "He looked at me as if I'd grown a second head."

"Well, I'm sure he assumed you'd be dressed in your usual attire." Shizuru laughed at the idea. "He always refers to you as some sort of confused duckling."

"That doesn't honestly surprise me." Mai barged into the conversation with an exasperated tone, continuing to serve the food. "Natsuki is odd, nearly to the point I wonder if she really is a man underneath all of her bluster."

"If I was a man, at least I'd be a better one than the coward you call a husband." Natsuki's tactless retort earned her a glare from her friend and waitress. She ignored Mai completely, and just smiled at Shizuru. Then she crossed her arms, and shook her head at fond memories that she pretended to hate. "Your dad used to make so much fun of me, saying I might as well have been a boy. I don't think he's ever seen me in a dress, since when I was younger I refused to wear them. I'll bet I gave him a fright. It serves him right, I say."

"Come now, don't be so rude." Reito sighed at the banter. Natsuki's soft barbs were in good nature, giving Shizuru a genuine smile. "I'm sure your father is a wonderful man, though, I do think he could do with a hobby of some kind." It was then, that his rich, thick steak was placed in front of him. "Ah, Mai, thank you for the wonderful food, and the reprieve." He told the carrot top waitress as she also filled up his glass with more ice water.

"Not a problem." The busty redhead shrugged. "We're closing in a few minuets anyway." Then she looked at the newcomer, and then to Natsuki. She didn't like the fact that she was hiding gays here, but they were close friends, and she couldn't deny them, even if she, herself couldn't agree with it. "I suppose you'd like the blinds closed, and the radio on?" Either way, she could hide in the back kitchen with her husband all night if she wished. It bothered her very little, as long as she didn't have to see what might be going on.

"That would actually be wonderful." They all could agree on that, though it was Natsuki who spoke up first.

Mai nodded with a sigh. "I don't want to see it, hear of it, or even think of it." Mai told them all then, as if that was her warning. "No monkeying around of any kind, least you all burn images into my mind."

"You won't hear a thing, I assure you." Reito grinned. "I'd have Takeda home well before that point." Mai didn't dare comment on that one, knowing Reito's personality. Natsuki snickered behind her napkin as the others smiled outwardly. The busty woman waved them off and left them to their meals in the privacy of the empty room. She didn't want any further part in their little scheme, and was happy to stay in the back until they decided to finish their evening.

"You'll have to excuse Mai and Tate...when all of us are in the same room together, it bothers them." Natsuki said then, taking a rather large bite of her thick beef burger. Her smirk seemed to be plastered to her face. "Mai's a good friend, but she can't understand our feelings."

"That's putting it mildly." Takeda said then under his breath. "Still, there are many people who love and support us, even if they don't understand. The only issue is, they really don't like it, and honestly don't approve. I'm sure Mai would intervene if she had any inclination that doing such a thing would work. She knows the truth though, that it can't be changed."

"It must be wonderful, hiding behind such a well constructed lie. I imagine it gifts you unimaginable freedom to act out in love." Shizuru said softly. "I'll bet it's amazing."

"Only if the lie works." Natsuki said then, partaking of the soda on the table. "To be honest, sometimes I fear that it may not, and if we're ever found out, everything we dream of would be taken away." Still as she reached out, pushing a lock of fawn behind Shizuru's ear, she shook her head, her voice soft. "Yet, I still dare to make my dream a reality, and I'll do that in whatever way I can."

"What Natsuki's trying to say, is that we'd like you to complete our little white lie." Reito said then, as he put down his knife and fork. "You see, outwardly Natsuki and Takeda appear to be young lovers, and they've managed to fool a great number of people. I myself have yet to find a woman who can compliment such a thing for me, but, my eyes are only for Takeda. I don't wish to make a dishonest woman out of anyone, when my heart is only for him alone."

"Mine is surely empty without you around, Shizuru." Natsuki replied then. "I'd like for you to be by my side, to open your heart for me alone, but, the problem is, in this world teaming with hate, there is only one safe way of doing that. Let Reito protect you, and let me embrace you. I assure you, you won't regret it." Takeda led Reito off to go dance giving Natsuki and Shizuru some privacy, and Natsuki wordlessly thanked them from across the room, a subtle glance all they needed before the two lovers got lost within their own whimsical night. "The two of them so rarely get the chance to go out, but when they do, they come here."

"They seem lost within each other. Such a perfect couple." Shizuru felt awestruck seeing two grown men dance together, flitting across the floor, both of them wonderful dancers. "There is indeed a beauty when love finds a person, regardless of who it happens to be with."

"I've always wanted something like that myself." Natsuki nodded as she went back to her food, thinking of Mai's cooking, always a treat in and of itself. "Though, I wouldn't say they're perfect, in fact sometimes I think they're both unfit for each other...you should see how they fight, it's nearly explosive." Though, outwardly, she doubted anyone would be able to tell of such a thing now. Their longing gazes something that would easily send even the most devoted lovers into a jealousy unmatched. "It's such a shame they aren't able to be truthful about their feelings."

"If they wish to be lovers, I doubt they have a choice. It must be so difficult." Shizuru's words were a grim truth, and she frowned at her own realization. "I don't know if I can go on deceiving my family either. I've never been very good at it, and, I hate the idea of having to pick between love or a family."

"Simply don't." Natsuki said as she put her hand over Shizuru's own. "It can be difficult, but there are rewards that come from this. Being able to take you to a drive-in movie, and then dine with you...well, I would call that a gift of luck. To be here with you now, where I can express in words what I would never dare say otherwise, I believe there is freedom in that, but, it does come with a price."

Shizuru licked her lips at the thought of that, and sighed deeply. "I wish this didn't have to be so hard." With the low light reflecting shadows on the walls, the candles flickered with a depth that Shizuru wished she didn't have to see. "You are a beautiful woman Natsuki. Sometimes, I wonder what it would be like." There was longing in Natsuki's eyes, and it poured out freely from her voice with every word she spoke. "However, you know as well as I, this would never work...and if they find out, it would bring nothing but pain."

"Then I would let them come at me, my arms wide open." Natsuki said softly. "My love would be a testament to all that I've lived, the slander, the hate...it could paint the street red, and I wouldn't harbor any regrets. I could be beaten and bruised for all eternity, and I wouldn't regret a single moment, because when I began to speak out in the names of many, I decided to do it with my heart on the line." Shizuru's hand was warm, her eyes were safe, and her voice was a melody Natsuki couldn't do without. "But, Shizuru, I've made sacrifices because of it, one of them being my happiness. I may dress like a man, but I'm fully, and utterly a woman. I can't be soft, I can't waver, but that's a lonely life, and I don't want to be that way anymore."

"Natsuki, don't look at me in such need." Shizuru's voice betrayed her. "I can't deny you, when you look at me with type of expression. Don't make this harder on both of us...being born this way is bad enough, without trying to hide romance. I don't know if I can be strong enough to love anyone in the shadows, and so, I'd rather just not love at all...but being with you, it makes thing so difficult, and I thought, perhaps I could find some other way around my feelings...but the truth is, I simply can't. You consume me, Natsuki, and that's a very dreadful thing."

"It was because I was born like this, with this feeling for others like myself, that I can stand up to the slander. I do it for those who can't." With her shaking fingers, she reached out to cup Shizuru's cheek, the woman dared not pull away, but her hesitant gaze grew fearful at the all knowing distance that seemed to lessen between them. "Still, I need someone who will stand with me. I know it's reckless...but I just can't be friends with you, not when you drift into my mind every day. I worry about you, care about you...and if given time, I could-"

Natsuki pulled her hand away, realizing what she was about to do, sighing deeply as she instead began to eat her food. It was a lovely night, and she had enjoyed the show at the drive-in. Having Shizuru lean into her had been the best feeling in the world, and she would dare to do it again every weekend just for that warm feeling. The dinner she was eating now, late though it was, made her understand how lonely she was every night, eating without a sound, her mornings the same. Shizuru hadn't entirely rejected her, but she saw the wavering, lingering uncertainty within crimson eyes, and that had made Natsuki feel very fragile.

"You could what, Natsuki?" Shizuru breathed, waiting for the words she longed to hear. They didn't come, and would likely never be uttered. Still, as Natsuki's warm hand returned to her cheek, an unspoken understanding wafted through them, and it drew them in, their lips a silent reverie.

"Learn what this feeling means." Natsuki whispered then, a heated truth masked behind chivalry. "Tonight though, if I may, I'd like to indulge in a dance, and hold you in my arms. That alone would be enough for me, Shizuru, because it would fill my heart with hope, and you've no idea how badly I need that right now."


	5. Chapter 5

Inky Black Redemption  
Chapter 5

Natsuki woke up to the gray hues of the morning without enthusiasm. She groaned, a glorious night had come and gone, leaving a wakeful of reality once again...a truth she didn't want to accept. In he dreams she could do so much more, and be a better person. Still, she wasn't a child, she couldn't find herself lost for hours on end, a dream simply that. Morning had come, and it was time to move on with the new day.

Still, her fingers paused at the switch of her alarm, unsure of why she felt as of something was missing.

The blinds were drawn, and and though the light tried to reach through, it failed. The room remained colored in darkness. Sleepily Natsuki touched her lips, the lingering reminders of the woman she loved, something that made her breath deeply. They'd shared many a kiss, flitting around on the dance floor, something so easy, yet, so special. It seemed as if the night wouldn't ever end, but Natsuki knew better.

They'd toyed with the idea, and splashed in the depths of hope. However, to follow onward, to reach upward, it was an entirely different matter. To come up with a lie, and then accept it, well, at first it was a guilty feeling. Then, a fearful feeling, one never truly went away. Emptiness merged with happiness... it mingled into something fulfilling, and get, so very painful.

For not the first time, Natsuki wondered if Shizuru was capable to pulling through with it.

Her heart seemed hesitant to believe something like this could be possible, but it was a perfect alibi. She bit her lip, worried, knowing she had to get ready for work, but, a giddy fog had clouded over within her head. So many things swirling around within her, something only defined as love. It made her dawdle about the room like a waddling chick, unable to focus. It wasn't like butterflies. It could never be the deepest ocean, or the driest land. She wanted so much to call, as a young lover would, and offer to pick her up for the day ahead.

If she were still a young one in school, Natsuki would be like most drones after a cute girl. Picking her up, and walking her to school, and back. Buying a malt, sharing a lunch. There were so many things Natsuki missed out on, and although she knew how to mix and mingle with the ladies, never once had she found herself with captured interest.

She never held a vested worry over any woman. Never one that she cared about...one to hold gently and softly. She found herself in a pickle, Shizuru Fujino was trouble...

A very pleasurable kiss, like honey. A slender frame, Natsuki's hand fit so well on the small of Shizuru's back, guiding her expertly in ways Shizuru had never once experienced. She was a new love, an innocent love, a pure love. Tempting, and yet, Natsuki found herself lost in that gaze so deep. As she got dressed, and looked in the mirror, she realized her flat was empty. It was void of warmth, without care, and never a woman's touch...she sighed at that.

If only Shizuru were there, to cook a breakfast and warm her little home. Then, Natsuki could play a song, and have a cigarette before work. Sharing in a togetherness that never seemed to end. She dreamed of a day when she could bring flowers home...and take a woman she could call her wife out to the theater to see a play. She would pay a pretty penny on a new dress for her, and the tickets would be grand. She wanted that...to spoil the woman she loved, and to be, what others would only call a husband.

It was her reminder...this was not permissible...she could not feel the way she felt, not outwardly.

So, though regret it, she did, she cast aside her thoughts. It would be improper, to assume Shizuru felt the same after one single date. Even if she did, those thoughts were of blasphemy. Natsuki knew she hadn't any reason to have them. They were both women, very odd women. At least, Natsuki would agree to that much as she lit herself a lonely little cigarette, and drank a cup of ill prepared coffee. If she were doomed to live like this forever, she would not be surprised. Still, she knew she would forever long to have Shizuru at her side...the woman a lovely prize, fit for a prince to be king...

Not someone like herself. "Besides, it will do little good. Addling my heart only makes me long for her further." She mentally chided.

She had no sooner entered the lower floor, through the unmarked door that she used, that there was already a ruckus in the hallway. "Chie..." Natsuki muttered looking off to the side. "Save me from the theatrics, and tell me what's going on." Fighting was normal, even perhaps routine within these walls, but never had Haruka ever thrown her personality around so viciously, her fingers in a white knuckled grip, holding Nao firmly into place.

"Oh, them?" With a pencil behind her ear, she looked up from the paper she'd been reading, a devilish smirk both flirtatious and appraising. "Nao made Yukino upset. They've been barking like that for nearly an hour. Honestly, I'm surprised they hadn't woken you up."

"I see." Natsuki sighed dryly, not in the mood to deal with such boisterous shows so early in the morning. "I'll leave them alone for now. Call me if things get heated, I don't want her to actually murder Nao."

"Sure thing, Boss." Chie then went back to doing what everyone normally did when Nao and Haruka fought. "I'll have that gossip segment on your desk in an hour." She pointedly ignored them. "Do whatever you want with it, I won't be here later though. Aoi got herself a lead for the next scoop, so as soon as I sign off, I'm outta here for the day."

"That's fine." Natsuki nodded then, turning around and shutting her office door behind her. She could still hear the shouting and though she tried to drown it out with music, she couldn't help but feel as if something was completely off. Her fingers fell upon the desk repeatedly, her mind wandering, but she knew she wouldn't get anywhere. With a snack in hand, and a sweet dark liquid fizzling away in the new bottle she opened, she decided she would set to work on her newest rant for the public eye. Her fingers danced across the keys slowly, unsure that this was such a good idea."There are often not enough hours in a day, to express the mounting exasperation I feel. Each and every time I step out to enjoy a night on the town, I find my sanctuary limited."

She didn't stop herself either though, the entry at least one for her diary, if it were indeed unfit to print. "I could spin tails of dread and deceit, however, I think I'll save that for yet another day. Instead, I find myself on the edge of something far more delicate. I've decided to skip merrily along that very fine line, morality be damned by the god fearing people who are immoral themselves."

She smiled at that. It was easy to forget. Many would find this outrageous, and yet even so, she couldn't keep her grin manageable. "So, on this one day, I gift our tribune with something a bit more than my nonsensical ramblings. I'll give you a bone to chew." It was indeed, a bad idea. Still, it was something she wished dearly to say aloud, and if the was the only way she could, to confess her joys in such a place, then, she knew she would have to try. Perhaps it would enrage her readers, but she couldn't bring herself to care. "The evening sky painted hues of color and hope for me, and yesterday, I took a chance to find myself...to seek out something, for my wandering soul. I wanted to shine just as brightly as the stars above, and to feel a warmth that I do not often bask within."

"So, last night, in search of this, I kissed a woman. A woman, the same as me." She typed carefully. "I felt happy, something so fleeting for a person such as myself. I was overjoyed, fearful, and even a little weak. These feelings are things that love makes you understand, and I've decided that I will be a sinner, when sinning feels right. I will pay the price, a toll found at heaven's gate, and not before. If I am to burn in hell for my actions, I do so with glee, something this world knows little about. I would freely give my life for such happiness. Still, the question I always ask, remains at the forefront of my staggering heartbeat. Even as I address you all, the supporters, the victims, and those who wish to see our downfall, I understand that no matter what I say, I will still be hated. Slander will still come forth easily, and I will still have to hide in the shadows." She put thought into that...

Of how many times she'd addressed the public in her writing. She was a vastly different person, hidden in the shadows, and she sometimes wished she'd had the courage to speak aloud. She wished she could speak things that she would dare not. "What a pity that you all have such a mindset. What a disgrace, that the world must turn with bigotry. Pride is lost upon all of you, giving into such a primal need. In a country filled with hopes, and dreams...in a place where blood spills like a river, a price we paid for something that so many would take away...simply because of fear." She put her cigarette to her mouth. Her scowl something of concentration, as her darkest feeling poured from her.

They always seemed to do that during her work. "In an unjustified world we will never have freedom, and that is something everyone must remember. You must hold it closely, or it shall be ripped away. Never forget that, or the dreams that brought you, and your kin here, to stand on soil etched in promises. I know I never will." During her work, she gave voice to the depth, the seething truths she wished she could say aloud. She couldn't though. One mere mention of this on the streets, and she would lose her cover, and really, that was what annoyed her the most.

"Come in." She sighed, noticing the the soft knock on the door, knowing already who it was. "I haven't got all day."

"Sorry...I'll be brief." Chie entered the room again. "I just wanted to hand in the segment." The papers were hidden inside a folder, and were well protected, tied with a bit of of string. "I also think you should take time out of the day to inspect Nao's work load. Haruka really did end up putting more on her shoulders than normal."

"Is that what the fighting was about?" Natsuki asked halfheartedly, though her eyes still remained focused on the envelope that contained front page news.

"No. Haruka just got really aggravated, and you know how she is." It was all she could do not to pry her curious nose into the life of her boss. Natsuki was strangely docile, given the fighting that had gone on in the hall. She hadn't lost her nerve, something the woman of midnight tresses hadn't often been known for. Normally if there was a fight, she would be someplace in the middle. As a mediator, or one of the combatants, it wasn't uncommon for her to be in the fray. "You should have put a stop to it." It was an oddity that had come so easily. Natsuki's change in demeanor called unwanted attention, and Chie saw through the cloud.

"I can only stop their bickering so many times." Natsuki replied with a shrug of her shoulders and a sip of the soda she had nearby. "The two of them simply don't mesh, and while I agree, Haruka can be a bit harsh on the best of days, Nao did seem to stumble on forbidden ground." Rather, she knew the fight wasn't one she could break apart, so she merely let the blowout happen. "I'll go deal with Nao later, however, let it be a lesson to her as well. Haruka is her boss, even if she doesn't accept the fact."

"Yes another change of heart." Chie finally said softly, shaking her head, lost. "Boss, you've been acting really weird, and lately, it seems like you don't care about the company."

"I care about the newspaper, this place is like a family for us. I wouldn't cast that aside, ever. I can swear to you on any good book you wish, Chie." Natsuki was tired, and her lips were dry. The parchment between her fingers seemed unimportant, and with soft smile, she couldn't help but forgive herself of her momentary lapse of concern. "Look, Nao's young, she's just a kid, really. She doesn't understand now, because she's just angry at everything and everyone around her. I can't quell that, Chie, and lord knows I've tried."

"Then you really have changed." Chie's word seemed like law, and not simply a mere statement. "For better or worse, I don't know."

"Neither do I." Natsuki nodded back. "However, we can both agree, that I have found something. I intend to follow it, and try to understand it."

"Just don't get hurt along the way." It was a knowing reply, and one cradled in soft truths Chie would never really admit. "And be gentle...sometimes, we forget how fragile they really are."

"Speaking from experience, I take it." If that were the case, Chie would have have made an affirmative move. However, she merely stood there, her eyes gleaming with something she wouldn't say aloud, but with hesitancy, she licked her lips. The thing she wanted to say most was not something she could speak of. She didn't have the liberty to do so, it wasn't her burden to carry anymore.

"It isn't so easy, to call it experience, but I wouldn't say it's difficult to see." Instead, Chie took off the hat that she normally kept atop her locks of peppery hair, placing it over her heart. "There are many things that I wish I could have done differently in my life. There are others I know I should have. Natsuki, in a world such as ours, we overlook the things right in front of us, and take for granted the people who've always been there. I was once so easily overcome by feelings, that I let one of my best friends slip away from my fingertips. Looking back, if I could have done anything, it would have been to treat her gently, and protect her from my own blindness."

"An interesting notion, when you stop to think about it." Natsuki could agree, and she understood perfectly the implication. "I'm confused though, as to why you feel as if I need such advice."

"If I could answer that, then I wouldn't have felt the urge to speak at all...but surely, even you know me well enough to have gathered that much." She put her hat back atop her head, a soft smile upon her face as she nodded, walking out the door without so much as a farewell. Work, she had much of it to get done, and not enough hours in a day.

Natsuki merely chuckled to herself as she sat at her desk, letting her fingers caress her lips. Shizuru's taste lingered there. The memory of their kiss making Natsuki's heart swim. Try as she might, she couldn't focus, and instead she let her mind drift off as her eyes closed. "Perhaps, in subtle ways, I am changing." She thought as she let her fingers run over the smooth metal handle of her desk. "However, if that is indeed the case, what concern should it be of anyone else." They worried for her, cared about her well being. "Shizuru, she is good for me, and I would expect happiness, not concern. Clearly, I've never displayed such joy in front of them before, such a pity. I really should begin to share that side of myself, perhaps just a little more."


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Oh, wow, I haven't been in the Doris Day, Bobby Vee, Diana Dors, and other oldies mood in a while...I kinda phase in and out of it...but recently, I started back in on it, (and that means updates on this poor neglected fiction) I was able to compose a short little chapter. I hope you all enjoy...there will be more to come, but just not this week... though, like I said, I'm on an oldies kick again, so it'll likely be soon. I promised Shiz/Nat fluff last chapter and here it is...though, we're jumping a tiny bit into the future for this.
> 
> The segment that Natsuki's singing in the middle of this fiction is from Bobby Vee. The song is called Devil or Angle.
> 
> I do not own Mai HiME.

Chapter 6

"This just doesn't do, thinking of her like this." Natsuki sighed as she turned off the typewriter she'd carried up to her room, for the occasion of working in the comfort of her own tiny abode. "But, then when does it do, to be thinking of her at all, really?" Natsuki knew the answer to that. "Never." She sighed aloud to herself. "She's like a doorway to pure insanity, and yet..." Longing for the scent that she craved, she found one of the notes that had been slipped onto her desk slyly during the week, misted only with the smallest hint of perfume.

The paper was wearing out, purely because the small little note had been gazed upon over and over, during the forever lonely nights. The small radio played music, but that alone was not enough to warm the empty room. The light seemed to protest as a train sped down the tracks, and did the floor, and the entire room, when the train let loose it's whistle. It was something Natsuki always expected, and when she gazed out of the window, she took note off the passing supply cars in the distance. "how often I wanted to Jump aboard and be carried away." Even now, the thought proved amusing.

She loosened the neck tie that was becoming bothersome, and turned the dial a little louder when a particular song came on. It was one she loved. "Devil, or angle, I can't make up my mind." She sang along softly, the words something, she felt were the epitome of Shizuru. "Which one you are." She did away with her shirt, tossing it haphazardly over the armchair. "I'd like to wake up and find." She did the same with her pants. "Devil or Angle, dear, whichever you are." Also her socks. "I miss you, I miss you, I mi-i-iss you." With a sigh, she shook her head, it was fruitless.

"Lovers little tunes, they aren't meant for a person such as me." She thought to herself, as she went about dressing in her nightly clothes..of which only covered her lower half. No one was there to pep, so it mattered not if her breasts were on display. "Devil or Angle, please say you'll be mine." It wasn't as if Shizuru, or anyone for that matter, could hear her. "Love me or leave me, I'll go out of my mind." Still, this song, one of her personal choices whenever sitting around, listening to the lovers lane stations, was something that made her wish Shizuru happened to be there. "Devil or angle, dear, whichever you are." She when over to the radio, slowly turning off the power, though the next line, came like a memory in her head anyway. "I need you, I need you, I need you."

"Bidding the world a pleasant dream wouldn't work either, I doubt." Natsuki mused, a bit bitterly. It had been weeks since they started dating.

It was a perfect lie, and they all played their roles well. Tea on some afternoons, dinners at least two evenings a week, and Reito played his role appropriately, charming Shizuru's family perfectly, as was expected. Still, it was a veil that was hard on all of them, in it's own small ways. Natsuki often wished she could be the one to walk Shizuru to her door...and even take it a step forward, kissing her goodnight passionately...something Reito didn't dare think to do...least he himself be personally disturbed by such a thing.

Natsuki had less of an image to keep up, thankfully, but even so, she played her part with Takeda even better, the two of them old hands at the skill of deception.

Things were getting deeper, the connection, it wasn't quite at the stage where they had to worry yet, but Natsuki could tell. It wasn't merely a fling. No, this was far deeper, and she couldn't count how many sleepless nights she'd endured recently. She couldn't wait to dive head first into her work during the day, if only to rush the day forward, so she could spend lunch at her leisure. "It's the color of her eyes." Natsuki sighed, looking at the single rose that sat atop her windowsill, in a clear crystal vase. "Shizuru, will you be in my dreams tonight, too?" Emerald eyes fell to the ticking coo-coo clock, and she sighed. "That is, if I can ever find slumber at this rate."

She rolled over, but her wall gifted no solace, it was blank, apart from the photo frame of the greater downtown area. A photo she herself had taken with Chie and Nao back in the days of their youth. The broken, run down building they had been standing upon, had long since been torn down, but, she could say that this photo, black and white though it was, held all of her youthful dreams.

"We weren't as well groomed as we thought ourselves to be, either." Dressed as young men, though they were nothing of the sort, they waved at the camera. She knew well by memory, Haruka had taken the picture, but even if she had not recalled such a thing, the way the picture slanted screamed of it.

She hadn't even been as skilled as Chie, though, none of them were as good as their peppery haired comrade. "Where have those days gone?" Natsuki hadn't an idea. "I've become nearly tyrannical since then." As if the very flower above her head began crying for her, a single petal fell and landed atop her head. "Though, I suppose that in the wake of adulthood, we'd had no other choice. That in and of itself fails to be of comfort." Natsuki cursed. "Am I really so jaded?" She plucked the petal from her hair, and looked at it, before tossing it onto the floor, huffing a frustrated breath at the momentary distraction.

Annoyed, she looked at the clock again. "If I can't sleep, what's the use in trying?" Not even a quarter of an hour had passed by.

Natsuki sighed as she tossed and turned in her bed, feeling the cold sheets as her body warmed them. "Furthermore, why even bother to try in the first place, my dreams will only be plagued." It was a delicious torture. She ached for the warmth she knew was merely a phone call away. Yet, with the moon high in the sky, she knew she couldn't possibly try. So, she found herself laying there, unable to find solace on this night, as a cigarette perched her lips, her body not nearly as covered as it should be. It wasn't as if it mattered, there wasn't anyone else to even gaze upon her, though she dearly wished that there would be. "Face it, Chie's right. I have changed." She wondered if that was the case, or if she was just in the midst of something entirely different.

She wouldn't have put it beyond herself, but she found herself perplexed, when she heard a knock at the back door. "What on this green earth?" It echoed horridly, and with a scowl, she put out her cigarette and tossed on her robe, though she hadn't thought to tie it up, instead rushing down the back steps to crack the door to the cold outside. "Where is she?" Praying that Nao hadn't gotten herself into trouble, she clutched the robe tightly around herself and opened the door all the way, finding a figure that much to her surprise, seemed lost within even herself, as she gazed down at the asphalt.

"Shizuru..." Natsuki didn't think to ask, didn't care to pry, she just stepped one foot outside, so that she could reach the woman, and guide her inside. "This is harrowing, to speak the least..." With a breath to steady herself, she took one last glimpse outside, to make sure there wasn't any danger within the shadow. "What on earth are you doing here at this time of night?" She asked, only after she latched the door shut tightly. Leaning her back onto it, she cared not that the metal handles dug into her back. She needed something to grasp onto, least gravity lunge her into a downward spiral. "She is more than just a little troubled."

Shizuru wasn't offering a peep, as if she had nothing to really gift. Still, such eyes were a bother to Natsuki. So lost, searching perhaps, for any form of warmth. Shizuru was never the sort to seem so utterly hopeless. As if a person could give up everything, and yet, cling desperately onto that thing, and Natsuki's breath caught. "Truly harrowing indeed..." Anything worth thinking, especially of this woman, was worth thinking of twice, if not thrice. "Do you realize how dangerous it is out there?" It was an exclamation etched in worry. Gifted with a long, agitated sigh. Crimson eyes however, wouldn't dare look up from the floor.

"Shizuru...hey." Natsuki said then, pulling the woman's focus away from the floor. "What's wrong?"

There were no words she could say, as she lunged into Natsuki's embrace, breathing deeply, as she was finally able to find calm. Her fingers clutched into the fabric of Natsuki's blue and green stripped flannel robe. She partook the welcome scents she had so longed to have. Natsuki's brand of cigarette, and the smell of male dominated fragrances, all the way down to the sweet, yet salty sweat that could only have come from a hard day of work, without a nighttime shower. It swirled, intoxicating her very being, and she couldn't help but cling onto Natsuki tightly. "forgive me...Natsuki." She couldn't even think anything beyond that, though. Despairingly enough, her voice simply wouldn't follow her whims, and she could not speak the words.

"Shizuru, please?" Natsuki asked then, softly. "Talk to me." She ran her fingers through fawn tresses, trying to sooth the troubled breaths that didn't seem to be easily quelled. "Please..." Natsuki tried again, her voice careful not to dance upon clearly broken glass that shined so clearly in Shizuru's eyes.

"Hold me." It was all Shizuru truly wanted. She wanted warmth, and that was it. "I'm cold."

Natsuki shook her head, and pulled out of the hug, though it took great difficulty. Then she took hold of Shizuru's hand, and without a moment's hesitation, she pulled her up the long stairwell, and into the back hallway. There was one door, and that one led into her offices, but there was another long stairwell, and that was where her flat lay away, protected. Shizuru had not traveled up this path before, and with a breath, when Natsuki opened her door, ushering Shizuru inside, she licked her lips. "Pardon the mess." Natsuki said softly. "She dares walk into a wolf's den, does she?" That was indeed what Natsuki desired. "But now that she's here, what do I possibly do remedy this?"

"Would you like something to drink?" Natsuki's asked in a confused rush...Shizuru only shook her head the negative. Why on earth did she come here at this hour? Natsuki pondered that over and over, as she showed Shizuru to her small love seat, pushing off the large stack of papers, sending them flying into the other clutter of her home. She didn't care at that moment. She sat down next to Shizuru, grasping onto her hands. Why is she shaking? "What happened?" Natsuki breathed.

"Nothing." It was the truth...nothing had happened at all. "I was just in the area and-" She swallowed back some her more confining reservations. "I thought I might drop by." She kept her fits in her lap, worrying her handkerchief between them in angry spirals. "I wanted to see you...that's all."

"It's well past midnight." Natsuki said then. "Why would you be in the area at this hour?" Emerald eyes glistened, and she found herself unable to find comfort in the fact that the one woman she longed for, was now sitting before her. "I prayed for you, but, not like this..." Her thumbs brushed over those soft hands, ones that were never as stained as her own. "The gods are indeed twisted, to gift me such a sight." She wanted to keep Shizuru from shaking, least the woman fracture to bits, merely by her tremble.

"I never went home." Shizuru said then. "I phoned home, saying I would be out with a few friends." She sighed and shook her head. "In truth, I went to the piano bar a few blocks down the street." Her fingers perched upon her forehead, and with a deject frown, she wondered why she felt so compelled. "Three beverages later, and countless songs, I felt empty, and alone." It was beginning to upset her. "Last night, my bed was cold...I refuse to be so lonely again." Yet, still, she wondered just what she could truly do. "This...it really does scare me." She closed her eyes, and she tried to steady herself. "I don't like living in fear, and my parents, when they ask me about my gentleman friend, I've nothing to say to them." Her heart clenched tightly. "It causes so much hurt, when I think of the way I deceive them."

"Does it feel so painful now?" Natsuki asked, as she cupped Shizuru's cheek, brushing away a stray tear that had slipped out from behind closed eyes.

"Not in the slightest." Shizuru admitted freely as she opened her eyes, and found herself lost within emerald orbs. Natsuki was slowly leaning in, no doubt to kiss her, and the request was granted. Shizuru wrapped her arms around Natsuki's neck as all of her fear completed melted away. She was acutely aware of her state of dress, and Natsuki's lack of it, as she caught a glimpse of soft womanly breasts, hidden just under her robes, and immediately, she pulled away, breathing heavily, when she felt those soft breasts press into her. "Natsuki, I've never..." Her eyes trailed away in shame, when she took notice of the gifts just beneath the robe. "I don't know if I'm even..."

"Ready." Natsuki finished the thought knowingly. "I don't mind." Natsuki said softly, as she looked deeply into Shizuru's crimson robs. "We can just stay together." Natsuki murmured. "If you want."

"I think, I'd like that." Shizuru nodded, melting into Natsuki, as the woman of midnight tresses embraced her again. "I don't like that we have to be untrue to ourselves." That very pang threatened to tear her apart. "I understand that this just isn't accepted, but even so." She never wanted to leave this embrace, never wished to let go of this woman. "Will this ever get any easier?"

"We have all the time in the world, Shizuru." Natsuki said then. "I imagine, there will be times that are quite unbearable." If she looked up and over her sofa, she could see her rumpled bed that had been cold before. "It would be warm, if Shizuru were to be there." Natsuki thought then. "However, I also know there will be days that will discount all of that...they will be so overflowing with joy, you'll see." That was simply the way life worked, Natsuki knew. "Shizuru, I know that you are unable to join me for the night as a lover would, but I am also not a drone." Though, she wished she was, the truth made her accept that she was not. "Within that, I would very much like if you warmed by bed tonight...even if we did little more than held each other close."

…

Shizuru phoned home as soon as the crack of dawn began to greet the sky, if only so her parents would not worry.

Her father, being the nosy man that he was, tended to get lost in his rather odd fantasies whenever he might get the chance, and upon that, he had but one great wish. That was seeing Shizuru, his darling daughter, learn the simplistic joys of a woman. One who hadn't the need to worry about what life might throw at her. He was amused by the fact she could hold her own in any place of employment, though he was also proud of such a thing as well. Still, he was a gentleman of an era when a woman simply enjoyed being around the house, and never question the man to do as he should...as such a man, it came as no surprise that he wished the same happiness for his daughter.

It was when she quietly sighed, her hand gently placing down the receiver, that she found herself at a loss. "That man will never rest, until I've been married off." Such a statement was said in good humor, but it still gave little to the imagination. "He's quite fond of Reito, and he's playing with rather uncouth jokes...I however, doubt they're truly as funny as his prattling lets on."

"That really shouldn't surprise you." Natsuki said, offering Shizuru a cup of tea that wasn't at all what she would normally expect. It was after all from a teabag, one that had been questionable, as it had come from the supply room down in the offices. "My father wants the same thing."

"Well, that's just dandy, but it does me little good." Finally more at ease with herself, Shizuru had once again become the social butterfly, even on such an early morning.

"If it did any of us any good, we wouldn't be in such a mess." Natsuki couldn't imagine life being any other way, forever, it was a difficulty. She'd rather not think about it, as the cigarette that perched her lips quickly met the ashtray. "The truth is, Shizuru, that this world is filled with such an ideal. The very land upon which we live, presumes that such a life, is the only way of life." Natsuki shook her head with a smirk as she drew open the torn bedsheets she used to cover the windows, letting the sunlight in. "Granted, for most, it's all that's desired, so that's all that's needed...and far be it from me, to judge a life in which I do not live."

"You are a very interesting person, Natsuki." Shizuru said then. "Sometimes, I wonder just what type of life you've lived, to make you think in such a way." She'd always thought so, but there were times such eccentric ways of thinking came forth unabashed. "You do tend to have quite the sharp whit, and yet, I find that your tongue is blunted, and I've no idea why...not when it's clear through the tribune, that you demand a sort of solace."

"You are Japanese, yet you are American, are you not?" Natsuki asked then, to which Shizuru nodded in reply. "I take it, you've been schooled in proper history...you know of what happened to our people, during the war...how rights and privileges were taken away during the war. furthermore, that it was taken away from those who needed their rights the most." When Shizuru nodded again, Natsuki let loose a small smirk. "That is just anther example I can give, as to why a person must question everything, even in a place where they say freedoms are given freely." At that, Natsuki licked her lips. "Think on it, do we have rights, or do we have privilege?"

"I suspect that is truly something subject to interpretation." Shizuru agreed. "Something as ironclad as that...it seemed to melt under the pressure...it wasn't exactly protection back then, was it?" Upon further thought of the matter, Shizuru came to a very simplistic conclusion. "You are, as my father says, one very odd duck...interesting, but indeed very odd."

"There is very little wrong with that." Natsuki said as she nodded. "Oddities are what give rise to new freedoms, and it's what gives passive voices some of the most frightening shouts...our dreams be damned, if they don't fit the mold." Still, even if that came to mind as something less than pleasant to think about, she didn't dare dive to such a depth. "I think you'll come to find, compliance...even as a lie...is still better than causing undue distress." Natsuki sat down on the sofa as well, taking a sip of her morning coffee, of which, was quite stale and dull. "Further more, I believe deeply, that when voices are heard by enough ears, that mold will slowly start to change."

"That will be a good thing." Shizuru said then with a smile of her own.

"Change is simply change." Natsuki reminded her softly. "It isn't inherently good, nor is it bad."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Keep in mind, this chapter does not at all, remotely reflect my views on the GLBTQ lifestyle...
> 
> However, it does reflect the mindset the people had of it, back in the early days...we have it really good now, compared to what it was back then. There were times when being gay openly was gravely dangerous. The people were judgmental, slanted, rude, crude, and everything in between. Being bigoted was considered normal, and even being a different race was something people would be completely unethical about...in America, those days were, for many utter hell, and the GLBTQ communities weren't spared for the slander they received...especially prior to the seventies when things slowly (very, very slowly, began to get better for the GLBTQ communities)
> 
> Nowadays, though we've got a long way to go before we can say we're fully accepted, we can at least think to ourselves that we're a lot better off now, than we were before...in any case, this chapter does reflect a bigoted era, but I attempted to do it as modestly as humanly possible...
> 
> I do not own Mai HiME.

Chapter 7

"But of course James." Tadao nodded as he sat with some brandy in hand, considering his broker's words. "Do whatever you can think of to do, I'm not bothered by it. Your choices have always been spot on." He always took his meetings in the morning, right after breakfast, and this meeting was much the same, as he sat in a corner office of a personal friend of his.

"What of Shizuru?" James asked as he gathered his papers up. "Would you like anything invested for her, before I start doling out shares?" He was an Englishman, his voice so unlike his daughter's.

"No need." Tadao said after a moment. "I believe I've squandered enough money away to keep her comfortable for a few years." He partook a sip of his brandy as he considered that. "She has a job now, you know. The pay seems well enough for her, but you'd know all about that, I'm sure."

"I don't believe I follow." Though, he scowled only slightly, biting his tongue. "You'll have to pardon my ignorance." It was clear Tadao knew something that might not have been the best of information for him to have gathered.

"Oh, Natsuki mustn't have informed you." Tadao laughed then, nearly feeling foolish. "I forget, she isn't very interested in gossip." At that, he merely smiled. "I knew that Natsuki worked for the press, but it seems as if she's gone up in the world. She's of the position to hire on new employees, and even requires a secretary. Odd, but, also quite interesting."

"My daughter hired Shizuru, I take it." James played along, not quite sure of just how much this man knew. "Quite a curious combination, those two."

"I'll admit, I often wondered if you were a good father to the girl, she so emulated you, after all." Tadao continued, elated with the facts of his news. "I was pleasantly surprised, that she could actually be a proper lady, she's grown so well, James...and with a man such as Takeda, you've nothing to worry about, he'll see to her future indeed."

"I do hope so." James nodded, though he was quite a bit confused. "You see a lot of Natsuki, I presume."

"Nearly every weekend, my good man." Tadao laughed as he finished his brandy. "She's introduced Shizuru to a strapping, and eligible lad named Reito. They come over for tea, and the boys often join me for gulf, wonderful, both of them. Our girls are well taken care of, I assure you. the boys are nearly brotherly, they're very good friends...so, it only makes due to assume our girls have also become quite the smitten little women"

"Brotherly..." James tasted the word slowly. It was not how he would describe matters, but then again, he dared not to speak of it at length at all. "This is the first I've heard of any of it, I must admit." He poured himself, and his good friend another drink anyway. " Regretful, honestly...but, Natsuki isn't the type to gab. I'll take your word for it..another drink, perhaps?" He believed not a word, knowing well his child was up to no good.

"Indeed." Tadao nodded, seemingly none the wiser.

…

"Natsuki, a Mr. Nash, is on the phone for you." Shizuru said, peaking her head into Natsuki's office. "Is something wrong?"

"My father." Natsuki said in the way of a simple explanation. "What does the dunderhead want now?" She thought to herself with a sigh, turning off her typewriter. "He normally doesn't bother me during working hours, whatever this is, he finds it to be important." Natsuki sighed, knowing what that really meant, as she picked up the phone, albeit with a smidgen of hesitation. "Kuga here, may I help you?"

"You could enlighten me." Her father grumbled at her. "Really Natsuki, of all the things to do."

"What did I do this time?" She asked him, leaning back in her chair, closing her eyes. "Oh, he is furious."

"You know perfectly well what you've done!" He bellowed into the phone.

"Stop giving me far more credit then I deserve." It was a dry retort. "What I've done indeed...what does he know?" Her words would have to be played carefully, and she knew it, but she was unsure of what to say next, not wanting to stumble into his traps. "What did I do?"

"Tadao Fujino is a very important client!" He told her, as if she'd lost her mind. "His daughter isn't a person with whom you should become personally friendly with, Natsuki. I've already warned you of that much before." He was exasperated that his daughter would even think to do such a thing. "You spin a fine little web, but think about what might happen when he bursts your bubble?"

"Get into a fine mess of trouble, I suppose." Natsuki admitted. "It really isn't something I want to worry about, at least not right now."

"Of all the women to make gay." Her father sighed. "I told you not to go corrupting any more girls, and just look at what you've done this time. If I were you, I'd be more than just a little worried."

"Dad!" Natsuki barked. "How many times do I have to tell you, being gay doesn't work that way." She muttered deeply. "It isn't like I can just brainwash them." She said opening her metal case with smokes waiting for her.

"Explain Nao." He grumbled. "While you're at it, explain Chie, and Haruka...and all of your other little friends."

"Birds of a feather." Natsuki sighed, knowing this was something she would never beat into his head. "They're like minded people, as you know." She lit a cigarette and took a low draw from it. "People who think alike simply become friendly with each other, that's all." She watched as the smoke twirled from the tip of the lit end, something to amuse her while he ranted. "It isn't as if I thought this would be amusing." Still, she tried to appease him, at least a little. "Trust me, my friends are my friends due to common bonds, not because we've started some zany cult...we are all very right in the head, thank you very much."

"I'd be willing to doubt that." Her father told her. "You aren't...not if you want to try to befriend a person such as Shizuru, in such a way...you'll be hurt terribly, child. Shizuru is not such a person to fall for your foolish antics, even if she would find them mildly amusing for a short time." Her father proclaimed yet again. "I assure you, she's the furthest from the sort of person that you are."

"Her actions say otherwise...in fact, sometimes they scream of it. Occasionally, she loses subtly." Natsuki smirked at the gasp her words gifted her. "I've personally experienced the type of person she is." She said to her father, to drive her point home. "I'm sure I can make my own well educated conclusions because of them."

"Natsuki... you haven't?" Her father asked in shock. "You wouldn't dare..."

"Oh yes, I have." Natsuki licked her lips and put the cigarette down in the tray, forgotten for the moment. "I would dare again too...all I would have to do is step right out of my office, and I could dare to do all that I please."

"If you were just a few years younger..." James warned her in a low, gruff voice. "Natsuki, you'd better end this quickly. I won't stand for losing a good friend simply because you're too stubborn to listen to reason. You can't keep brushing off anyone, who might actually tell you that something is wrong. Which might I remind you, this most certainly is."

"Considering that you can't put me over your knee, like you would have if I were younger, what now?" Natsuki asked then, knowing she was getting in just a little over her head. "Are you going to go tattle on me like some upset little boy...I thought you were above that."

"I am, thankfully for your little hide." He told her with a sigh. "Natsuki, please, stop doing these completely idiotic things, before you well and truly get hurt. I'm warning you well and good, that you had better do as your told this time."

"We'll see." It was all she could say to him, and it didn't appease him in the slightest. He was looking out for her best interest, and she knew that, as bothersome as that was. Still, when she hung up the phone, an action made difficult because the man she was fighting with, had just as much gusto as her, if not more. She had to agree with him about one thing, she was toying with fire...a very, very dangerous fire indeed. Shizuru was not a shy, meek little woman by any means, even if that was the way she came off, if only to appease the men around her.

Natsuki knew better, had seen proof...tasted the facts for herself, those kisses something that gave Natsuki a breath of life in and of itself. "No..." She thought to herself. "He does not understand, and likely, he never will." She nibbled the tip of her thumbnail before shrugging it off and returning to her work. "Worrying about it will benefit me very little, he doesn't comprehend that."

…

The ruckus wasn't something that ended with her father. Trouble always came in three's, the adage something that spilled over into her office on any given day. Be it Haruka's bluster, or Nao's continual need to harass picketers outside, there always seemed to be some sot of mud slinging, to which, Natsuki was normally the one to clean up. It came as no surprise that Nao was currently public enemy number one, when it came to her rather uncouth response to the protests in the streets. Many of the people holding slander that would be better left unsaid...however, due to the fact it existed at all, meant of course, that any sort of attention, was still quite the negative.

It also didn't help that Nao was the sort of person who had very little tact, unless it was to invite any and all manners of havoc possible.

All things considered, Natsuki couldn't say she was all together shocked when her offer door was unceremoniously flung open later that afternoon. "What in the blue blazes happened to her?" Natsuki questioned as Chie all but dragged a badly beaten Nao through the office doors. Shizuru was quickly trailing behind, unsure of just why the two of them looked so unclean. Pelted with what looked, and reeked of trash from the city dump. "Nao..." Natsuki said as she crouched down in front of her, waving her head, trying to get lime green eyes to focus. "Nao, say something?" Natsuki ordered, snapping her fingers.

"Bunch of bigots..." Nao slurred dizzily. "I'll get em' next time."

"Your head...it's bleeding..so is your mouth, open up." Natsuki said, seeing the red trickle down from Nao's hairline, a broken beer bottle the cause, if the tiny glimmers of glass were any indication. "Shizuru." Natsuki said then, looking to her with a meaningful gaze. "In my bathroom there's a first aid kit, and a bottle of rum, gather both, if you would."

"Yes...right away." On the job, they always remained as professional as could be, but even more than that, the urgency of the situation made both of their minds run on pure instinct, and formality became apart of that.

"How did the two of you manage this?" Natsuki leveled her eyes at Chie, who was also pretty worse for wear, though unharmed, unlike their brash friend.

"How do you think?" Chie asked as she rid her hair of dirt, coffee grounds, and whatever else stuck to her normally peppery hair, that was all sorts of sordid colors, the scents unmentionable at best. "The picketers were out in the streets again, and Nao got cornered without her knives. The back door was locked too, for whatever reason."

"That fault, is my own." Natsuki remembered clearly. "Nao, I'm sorry." Natsuki murmured...she's forgotten to unlock the metal bolt that kept it firmly locked away at night. She examined Nao's eyes with a bit of confusion, but finally sighed when Shizuru brought the kit into the room. The rum intended for drinking, Natsuki poured over a large wad of gauze. "Bite down on that." Natsuki ordered, peering again at Nao's already swollen jaw. It was after she'd given Nao something tangible to chew on, that she took a closer look at her head. "What do you mean, she didn't have her knives? That's what I would like to know."

"Mom took em' a few days ago." The redhead was beginning to sober up from the smack to the head. "She hates that I carry them in the first place." Nao said with great difficulty with her mouth full of the gauze. "Doesn't like violence."

"What the bloody hell would she call this then?" Natsuki ranted onward. "Really, she took away a few measly little switchblades?" She couldn't believe it, but then she wondered why Chie wasn't carrying her own protection. "And you, where's your gun?"

"I wasn't going to shoot anyone." Chie shook her head. "Besides, I forgot it at home...I was running late, you see."

"It's a child's plaything, Chie! It shoots little peas this big!" She made a tiny space with her fingers. Of all the times to be caught unarmed and absentminded, it had to be today, the release of their newest issue. "A little intimidation never hurt anyone, nor has a few tiny frozen peas in the rear, ever killed a man! It's merely a pop gun!" Natsuki told her pointedly, raging loud enough to even give Haruka a run for her money. "Having your thumb up your own sphincter is a different story entirely."

"It seems as if you should start being more careful." Shizuru agreed softly with Natsuki, inwardly sickened from the sight. "Who would do something like this?" She couldn't fathom it.

"You know exactly who." Natsuki said then, all too bitterly as her eyes cut to the window. "Simply look outside, they're still there."

"I'd rather not." Shizuru replied, watching as Natsuki finished cleaning and dressing Nao's wound. "It would only depress me all the more."

"It's to be expected." Chie shrugged, though she was just as outraged, she knew half of it was brought on by Nao's own actions, as well as her own. "Shizuru, we know what we're doing is dangerous, and not only a bit pretentious, but we do it because we feel the need to do it." If she only remained quiet, and obedient...if only she was a person able to stay low key, she could live a happy little life...Chie just wasn't such a person. "It doesn't mean people like it though, and hazing is something we kind of provoke."

"The trash barrels Nao tosses from the third story window on any given day, not withstanding." Natsuki muttered. "Nor our newest issue." In fact, if Natsuki were honest, she was surprised something like this hadn't happened sooner.

"Oh, just wait until they read it." Chie hooted with more enthusiasm than what was likely considered appropriate. "I'll bet they'll try to burn the place down."

"I wouldn't put it beyond them." Natsuki said as she partook a cigarette from her metal case, and then thinking about what to do next. She dialed a number that she knew by heart, listening to the ringing as she little the little stick perched in her mouth. "I'll tell you one thing, Nao can't go home looking like she does." Then, finally the ringing stopped, and Natsuki was met with a woman's voice, who she knew to be Nao's mother. "It's Natsuki, I thought I'd call to check in." She said jovially, her voice not giving a hint at all, that Nao had been hurt. "Hmm?" Natsuki's question attracted the eyes of all in the room, who watched on in awe.

"Oh, no, not at all." Natsuki said then with a small laugh. "She's been the picture of upstanding employment." That cause a few in the room to roll their eyes, Natsuki was lying through her teeth. "Ah, yes, you see that's why I called." Natsuki was playing along to a fine tune, but Chie was the first to sniff out Natsuki's half baked, but working plan. "You wouldn't happen to be having troubles with the medical bills, are you?"

"It's a good thing, that your mom thinks the world of her." Chie muttered quietly to the redhead.

"Yeah." Nao knew that well. "I'm grateful for that."

"What type of person is your mother?" Shizuru asked, keeping half an eye on Natsuki's little ruse, to which she'd begun to observe, was turning into a gabbing session more and more by the second. "Natsuki seems to like her."

"Mom babies her. She treats Natsuki as if she were like a sister to me or something...she says Natsuki's a good influence." Nao answered as she pulled the gauze out of her mouth, before taking the bottle and drinking from it, that was, before Chie took it away.

"If only she knew." Chie smirked. "Natsuki's fully to blame, teaching this one bad habits."

"Hey!" Nao whispered heatedly. "Why's you'd go and do that for?!"

"If you have a concussion, you shouldn't try to get yourself drunk." Chie explained, tapping the gauze covered spot hard enough to get her point across. "If you want, I'll go down and buy you some soda from the vender, but no more rum."

"Ah, yes...I see." Natsuki's voice pulled their attention back to her. "Yes, that would be quite the predicament...what with the way the markets are and all." It was still a frivolous conversation, but they listened to Natsuki's one sided replies none the less. "Ah, yes...I'm well aware of that...but, Nao's a good kid. A little rough around the edges, but so am I." It was only a moment later when Natsuki blushed a little then, before stammering. "W-well, yeah...I try my best and all." She coughed a bit to clear her throat. "She does too, in her own ways." Natsuki said then, softly, finally reaching the point of her conversation. She looked over at Nao's tired lime green eyes, before continuing. "I think Nao should stay with me for a little while."

Natsuki was nodded quietly, not saying a word as she listened intently, before forming her reply, and the entire time, worried lime green eyes, begged Natsuki not to say anything too damning. "I know she's been having problems at home." Natsuki nodded to Nao reassuringly, and the red head breathed a sigh of relief. "They've already reflected in her grades, and in her sour attitude." Natsuki offered before she sighed, flicking her cigarette in the ashtray nearby, before tossing Nao the metal case. "She's a hard worker, and I think we have to give that credit, when it's due...It would be better, I think, if she blew off a little steam." Again, Natsuki paused to listen. "Yes, I agree...but I wouldn't force her...you know that ends badly."

With a few moments to say goodbye, Natsuki hung up the phone. "So, what's the verdict?" Chie asked, offering Nao a lighter, the girl could use some nicotine to calm her addled nerves.

"Nao's mother is worried about her, as to be expected, but, as I also assumed, she trusts me with keeping an eye on her." Natsuki said, taking one last hit of her own cigarette, putting it out. "She'll be staying here...at least until I can send her home without her looking quite so beat up."

"We should phone the authorities." Shizuru said then, chewing on her lower lip. "They would handle this better, wouldn't they?"

"I'm afraid not." Natsuki said slowly after thinking about it. "People aren't so forgiving to the minorities, Shizuru. People have places they belong, and sadly, that doesn't just apply to people like ourselves. There's any number of reasons why they wouldn't help us, our personal preferences higher on that list than I care to think about."

"She doesn't know, does she?" Shizuru asked Nao, who just shook her head in reply, too ashamed to say anything as she curled herself into a ball.

"Her mother knows about me." Natsuki said then, as she came around her desk to kneel by Nao's side again. "She doesn't know about Nao...she doesn't think Nao could ever be gay like we are. It hasn't even occurred to her to think that way...but, she is a feminist, and the damnedest one I know at that...that's why, even if she doesn't like it..." Natsuki sighed, and shook her head. "She is more interested in my accomplishments, than my obscure lifestyle." Natsuki murmured as she stroked Nao's hair, being mindful of the shallow cut that was bandaged shut. "But, I know for a fact...she would think differently of the lifestyle, if she knew about Nao...her mom is very frail, and one of the reasons she thinks I'm...well...the way I am, is because I never had a mother, and that my father warped me, or something."

"How farfetched." Shizuru shook her head. "The things people believe, it's astonishing that they even have the capacity to think at all." She couldn't believe that this could happen, it surely never occurred up town, at least, not in the light of day, never in front of her very eyes...then again, she assumed her perception was easily naive, she tended to avoid those of more limited mindsets, finding it utterly ridiculous at best. "With as good as our education is, you'd think..." Shizuru sighed. "Well, I don't know what exactly one would think of this, but those assumptions are absolutely asinine, no matter how one might attempt to look at it."

"You know that, and I know that." Natsuki nodded then. "Even my father grasps at least some of it...but most people Shizuru..." Natsuki was at a loss. "Most people don't even try to understand." Natsuki said then, dejectedly. "Anyway, Chie, go on up and use the shower...I know it's piss poor, and small compared to the one you have at your own home, but at this rate, it's better than nothing...after that, go ahead and sneak out the back...go home for the day, and take Aoi with you."

Chie nodded. "Well then, if you'll excuse me."

"Yeah, sure." Natsuki said then, before turning back to Nao. "Hey kiddo, it'll be alright."

"I'm not a kid." Nao murmured back in a shaky, broken down voice.

"You're crying like one." Natsuki told her softly, pulling the younger girl in her arms.

"I'm not crying." Nao growled, lifting her face from her hands. "See, no tears."

"Shut up..." Resting her chin atop Nao's head, Natsuki looked at Shizuru while rolling her eyes meaningfully. "Little idiot."

"Moron." Nao grumbled back, and yet she made no move to leave Natsuki's hold.

…

It was later in the evening, while they awaited Reito to pick Shizuru up, that the two of them sat in Natsuki's office, while Nao made herself scarce up in Natsuki's flat. Leaving briefly, only for a few mugs of tea, and to check on her young friend, Natsuki returned to Shizuru's side quickly, and settled herself at her desk, frowning at her unfinished work for the day. She was in no mood to do it now, and began to clean up, all the while, taking notice of Shizuru's perplexed features. "She needs to stop doing that, before she get's lost in that mug..." That thought brought about mild amusement, and yet, even more wandering fears.

"How is she?" The question was quiet, and filled with uncertainty.

"The same as before." Natsuki shrugged. "Smoking me out of house and home. Looking up at my ceiling, cursing everything she can think of." It was all to be expected, if the truth were to be told. "She's afraid, and I think a little upset at herself. She doesn't like to show weakness, but, she's still a child, so it is to be expected."

"She's only one year my junior." Shizuru couldn't fathom seeing Nao as such a thing as child, not when she was brash, yet capable of so much. "I don't find that to be quite so young."

The papers Natsuki closed in her desk was like that of a finality, and she peered up at Shizuru then. "Don't let her fool you." It was a soft laugh, but, an honest one, that she let slip from her lips. "Nao never went to high school, she dropped out, and began working in minor laboring jobs ever since. Like me, she started as a mere paper girl, and the only reason she had been hired back then, was because of the fact that I vouched for her." Though, in truth, that was only one reason of many. "I do see her as a child. I think she has a lot to learn, and, I also feel as if I'm going to be the one to teach her...to protect her."

"You're both so full of secrets, apparently." It was meant in jest. The truth was just that it also bothered her. "You're still a quandary, even if you are willingly an open book. Nash...and yet, your name is Kuga." Shizuru said, as she swirled her mug in her hands, watching the tea twirl. "Yet, Nash is your father." So many things, she'd yet to know.

"I was born out of wedlock." Natsuki said slowly. "My father was in Japan for quite some time, though, he doesn't talk about why he was there, or what exactly he did...I only know he was there quite against his will...that, and it's a given that he slept with my mother...though, from what I understand, the relationship was a short one." She took the time to close her eyes, a quiet respect for her mother, wondering if she should say the next part at all, finally deciding that if it was Shizuru, it was okay to speak of it. "My mother told him of me in letters, but, I hadn't actually spent any real measure of time with him until after she died...I mean, I saw pictures of him, and met him a few times, when I was quite small, but, her death is why I came here."

"Do you miss it?" Shizuru asked. "Japan I mean."

"I wouldn't say I miss it." Natsuki was unsure just what she might say about it, now, while the red gaze was upon her. "Your eyes, they are not unlike the unity and symbols of our people." Natsuki said softly, taking a small breath at that. "Japan is prideful, and yet, very stern...I like that. My mother, she was also a very stern woman, but also, very kind. Your eyes, they remind me of that."

"I wouldn't know." At that, she took a sip of tea, and closed her eyes, hiding them, and taking in those words. "I have never been there. I am American born and raised...only my blood hails from there...furthermore, oddly enough, I never really took the time to learn much about the place." With that, she opened her eyes, and that glimmering stare, she often found directed at her, once again made her breath catch. "What is it, Natsuki?"

A small, little smile, graced Natsuki's lips. "It's nothing." She replied as she finished cleaning off her desk. "I was just thinking about how I might be able to keep you here with me tonight...but I also know that's futile...at least, for now. I wouldn't want your father to be suspicious."

"No, I suppose not." Shizuru agreed. "But, I'll be able to see you tomorrow...surely we can manage a few hours."

"Oh, I can manage it." Natsuki agreed then with a quick scoff. "I just don't want to...I hate waiting."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

With Nao hiding away from the outside world, shunning the very ideal that acceptance could be found anywhere, Natsuki found herself discontented. In a poor attempt to ease her troubled spirit, she had gone out for a drink one evening after work with a few friends. They needed the fresh air, the calm space, and the lively music...they needed to feel alive, and apart of a world that would never understand. Somehow, through the sadness and worry that their paper seemed to evoke, laughter also permeated their bleak existence.

Droplets of liquid truth were not unlike tears, and still, there was an abstract beauty to each and every joke they told. Every story, mishap, and even insults, were laced with soothing chuckles. When it became not enough to go to their usual haunt, they'd even dragged Mai and Tate out for a night on the town. Strength in numbers, but also, a couple who was unlike them, seemed to be a comfort.

Out of their little flock, it was Mai and Tate who were not the birds of same feathers. They were in fact different, and that was a comfort.

The trumpets played through the music hall as young woman in dresses danced across the floor to the swinging beat of the drums. Young drones were trying to flirt mercilessly with the beautiful women who'd come here. Young couples out for a night on the town sat at brightly lit tables. The band on stage was hot, the music confident and loud. Such a tone was not the only thing that gifted excitement. The singing man on stage was a heartthrob. He dazzled the ladies, and gave courage to the men.

Natsuki pulled off her hat, twirling it on her finger, amusing herself as she awaited for Shizuru to return from the wash room. She wasn't alone though. One of her companions sat with her, and it was not enough to continue to sip her drink idly...no, not when the person who kept her company was already well beyond tipsy.

"Hey, Natsuki!" The slurred was nothing, if not loud. "Get a look at that sweetheart!" Chie was on the prowl while waiting for Aoi to return. "A goddess with angle's eyes. I tell you, take a lookie at that." She pain no mind as her hand was forced back down onto the table, but her eyes stayed glued to the fanny of a woman who's face she couldn't see.

Natsuki took one look at the woman across the room, sighing at the realization before plucking away Chie's drink. "That's Mai you're ogling." If that were not enough, to know Chie was staring at Mai's butt of all things, surely didn't settle well with her that her friend practically shouted it for all to hear.

"Is it?" At first, Chie didn't believe her. "Oh, yeah, you're right!" She chuckled as she lowered her hat that sat atop her head just a little bit. "Who's that she's dancing with?"

Natsuki cocked an eyebrow, taking a closer look. What was momentary interest melted into a stupor. "Her brother." Natsuki grumbled, in disbelief. "I invited you out to help me entertain the ladies, not so that you could get schnockered."

"I am quite amusing, I assure you!" The woman of salt and pepper hair told Natsuki just a little louder than she should have. Without thinking, she lifted a bottle, not exactly considering that it wasn't her beer. Natsuki doubted the woman could even read the label in the state she was in. "What kind of service is this?" She grumbled about the fact that the cap was still on. "Who the hell puts a piss poor bloody mary in a bottle anyway!"

"Chie, that's ketchup." Natsuki warned her, but to no avail.

"Couldn't have told me that before I drank it?" Squeamishly, she put the bottle down. "Well, that's one way to drink yourself sober."

"Drink yourself sober?" The idea was an unfounded one...nearly impossible. "Idiot." Natsuki growled shoving the woman's beer back in front of her. "Here, have that. I'm sure it'll taste better than the condiments." At that, one of the songs ended, and a slower song began. "If there were every a reason to drink, this song would be it."

Some of the couples left the dance floor, and others entered. Closely together, they swayed to the music. When Natsuki saw Shizuru from across the room, Natsuki couldn't hold back any more. "To hell with it, I'm not sitting here like a bump on a log." She muttered, putting her hat on top of her head, no matter how rude it might have been as she kept it low to hide her face. "I'm having this dance." She told Shizuru, when Natsuki took hold of her hand, whisking her away, and onto the wood floor.

With respectful confidence, Natsuki didn't let her hands wander as they gracefully followed the sway to the beat. "Where did you learn to dance, Natsuki?" The surprise was a welcomed one, at least at first.

"Oh, here and there." Natsuki offered offhandedly. "I know it may not seem like it, but I tend to enjoy living my life, closeted as it may be." The people on the dance floor gave them space. The weary looks Natsuki revived was enough to set the ball rolling on that fact. Shizuru couldn't help herself, the stares of confusion were getting to be far more than she knew how to handle, and her composure began to slip. Natsuki noticed it. "They think me an odd man." Her voice was little more than a comforting whisper. "Don't be afraid...ignore it, and they'll soon tire of watching us."

They never did.

Late into the night, well after twirling about on the dance floor, and enjoying a few drinks among friends, Shizuru still noticed that eyes were on their table...most notably, the strangers were watching Chie and Natsuki, who were not quite men, but couldn't possibly be called women either. Chie's tie was a rumpled truth to the fact, and her laughter was not one that was gentlemanly at all. Not a low enough voice to be considered male...yet, not possibly feminine enough to be considered female. It was a quandary, and the many eyes watched, as if afraid to ponder the notion. Not wanting to be rude, perhaps, they kept their distance, but the eyes burned all the same.

Finally, Shizuru could take no more.

She felt the need for air, and although she wasn't normally claustrophobic, right now she'd not have a snowball's chance in hell to prove the claim true. "I'll get her." Reito told Natsuki as he put the napkin down on his plate. "Allow me to avert the stares...then, you may escort her home."

Natsuki knew there was nothing she could do here. Following Shizuru would only draw attention, and that was something the woman didn't need. She stayed seated, watching as Reito played the part of a doting lover. In truth, he was merely making a scene all of his own, a ruse. Soon, because of his presence, the prying gazes seemed to forget all about Shizuru.

Natsuki felt poorly about it, but this was a life she was used to.

Reito played the game well. His wink at Natsuki was enough of that fact, a hint it was time for her to make her leave as he escorted Shizuru away from the dance hall. Bidding her friends goodnight, Natsuki followed the implication, and the two people several paces in front of her into a dark alleyway. At that, Shizuru all but lunged into her arms, and Reito nodded his goodbye.

"It's alright." Natsuki said, holding Shizuru tightly in an embrace. "You'll get used to it, we always do."

"I shouldn't have to, Natsuki." Strained, and ill-prepared for all that her life seemed to be becoming, she had no one to truly confide in. Reito, though a good friend, was not a person she could get advise from. The mere idea was improper. Aoi and Chie were not the ones to go to for help, and Yukino was not a person with whom she shared a strong bond. "I don't think I'll ever be able to."

A soft chuckle left Natsuki's lips. "I'm sorry Shizuru." In the darkness that should have felt unsafe, it seemed Shizuru had found her sanctuary. It was uncanny to Natsuki, and quite odd, but that was because she feared the darkness of the unseen. "I like to pretend...to forget that the world views us differently. It's true I rally to be seen as equal, but it is also true that I want to sometimes forget about that." After Shizuru had calmed down considerably, Natsuki began to walk her home under the cover of night. Occasionally, her hand would finger the switchblade in her pocket, and her mind would trail to Nao...a reminder of the dangers.

"Natsuki, do you suppose...that what we share is worth the difficulties the future will no doubt hold?" It was something Shizuru had pondered about ever since she'd spent the night in Natsuki's flat. "Is it worth all of the suffering, honestly? Is it worth lying about? Hiding over?"

"Can't say." Natsuki shrugged, though, she did grip onto her blade a little tighter, looking over her shoulder just a little bit before calming down. "I really don't know, Shizuru." She wanted to walk hand in hand with this woman, and had dressed as a man to do so. Natsuki sighed, her entire life was a farce in so many ways, and it bothered her. The price for safety was a costly one for those who lacked conformity. "Hardship is the greatest gift, because it welcomes strength...but, I can't say ours is justified...not when others are the ones that make it so difficult."

"Why do you think it is?" It was a difficult question, and one that Shizuru had always wondered. "Why is it truly wrong?"

"Well, that would be your first problem." Natsuki finally said after a moment to ponder. "You believe that this is right, or rather, that's what you'd like to believe." With a sigh, Natsuki merely smirked at that. "We want to believe it's right...and most people want to believe it's wrong. The truth is, it's not either one." She pulled a smoke out of her pocket, and lit it, taking a long draw, watching as she made a cloud in the air. "There are plenty of reasons why this is just not a logically sound thing to do...on the other hand...there are plenty of reasons why a man wouldn't be suitable for me...but, those reasons are my own."

"I wish this was easier." Shizuru sighed.

"I don't." Natsuki said, just a little defiantly. "Everyone else couldn't possibly understand the way we feel...expecting them to do it, would be like expecting you to fall in love with Reito...that kind of thing doesn't work."

"Natsuki..." A pause froze them both under the dim city lights. The window to a flower shop was the only thing behind them. Shizuru turned to view the ones that sat in a vase, and then looked across the street to a bridal dress only a few a few stores down. If there was ever a night she felt so withdrawn, and as if she didn't belong, tonight was undoubtedly it. "Even your name is something so beautiful, but I will never be able to say that out loud, will I?"

"You just did." Natsuki swallowed the lump in the back of her throat. "Come on..." Natsuki finally managed after her heart stopped skipping beats. "We have to get you home. Your father will worry if we don't."

They'd walked through the city streets, neither one of them able to find their voice ofter that little outburst. Natsuki dared not say anything out here in the open, and Shizuru was taking notice of every little detail. Everything she'd ever wanted in her life came down to one simple fact, she would never know the joys of a woman able to speak freely of her whims. While her many friends gabbed about the men they loved, Shizuru had to sit quietly, playing at coy hints that weren't exactly lies...but, they weren't truths either. Every house they passed, she realized they were families. Men with wives, and children.

The ideal that everyone around her felt so compelled by, was the one thing she didn't want. She didn't want a man, she didn't want to be told what to do. She wanted Natsuki. Like never before, her heart throbbed when she thought about that fact. She wanted to cry out when she reached her doorstep, but still, she knew that even if Natsuki were a man, she wouldn't be permitted to sleep over. The entire idea was uncouth, and it bothered her to think of it. Lewd thoughts hadn't even come to her mind, and yet, she wanted Natsuki's embrace.

Even with their farewell, and outwardly platonic one, Shizuru could see the reflection in Natsuki's eyes...she didn't want to leave, any more than Shizuru wanted to allow her to. The night would be a long one without the embrace that would protect her.

Pinning for a lover was all well and good, but it didn't put breakfast on the table, nor did it calm her at all. She got up earlier than normal to help her mother prepare breakfast, only to find that an unusual client would be in need of speaking with her father. He would not be at the table, and that was a rarity. What she sat with her mother in comforting peace, she contemplated escaping to be with Natsuki on their day off...wondering if Nao was still curled up someplace in Natsuki's flat. With a lick of her lips, and her eyes pensively gazing at the paper her mother was holding, she sighed. "You do know just what it is you're reading, correct?"

"I can hazard a guess, Shizuru." The elder woman put down the paper, and took a sip of tea. "I must admit, I grew interested in just what it was that so consumed you. Now, I believe I understand." With a soft smile, she leveled her eyes at her daughter. "My child, a working woman, and a proud feminist. There is nothing wrong with finding your voice...I can honestly say that you've found a prosperous life ahead of you."

"Thank you." Guilty, she averted her stare for a few moments. "Mother, do you think I'm suited to be a proper wife?"

Taken aback, her mother gawked momentarily. "Yes, of course I do." The thought that her child would be anything less than that startled her. "You would make a suitable wife, and a wonderful mother...has something happened to make you assume otherwise?" Immediately, she jumped to what she believed was the most logical conclusion, worried for her daughter. "Did something happen with Reito?"

"Something happened." Shizuru admitted. "However, it was not with Reito." With a sigh, she pulled her fawn tresses away from her face, and looked down at the table that needed to be cleared. Every speck, every crumb, was more than enough to get lost in. "I wish that it was so easy...that I could become a normal woman...and find a man that catches my eye...but I know deep in my heart that I can't." Keeping her eyes closed, she held back her tears. She wanted Natsuki's embrace, and she wanted it now. "I can never be a normal woman." She excused herself from the table, tears falling from her eyes.

There was nothing she could say to her mother, who attempted to halt the retreat, to no avail.

…

Days went by, and Shizuru didn't go to work, she refused to come out of her room.

Natsuki was clueless, unsure of what exactly was going on. She called, and received no greeting from Shizuru. She wrote a letter, and yet, even that didn't gift a reply. A week went by, and finally, Natsuki could take no more. She had tried to allow Shizuru time and space, but now her worries gathered at the brink of all Natsuki understood, and so, on a foggy morning she showed up on the doorstep. The household was one she knew better than to play games with.

"Natsuki, thank goodness." The gentleman that Natsuki expected, was frazzled and worn...this man was obviously concerned, and Natsuki could only see worry in his eyes...worry for Shizuru. "Perhaps you can be of help. Shizuru is acting very strange, and she won't tell me why."

"Where is she?" Natsuki asked bluntly.

"In her room." The solemn reply came. "She refuses to come out, nor will she take her meals in the dinning room. She's becoming very much a wallflower, and even skipped on tea." He had no idea what to do, and so Natsuki seemed the perfect answer. A friend who would come in Shizuru's time of need. "Reito refuses to see her, even though I've begged him too."

"That's because this isn't Reito's problem. It's mine." Natsuki told him. "Damn, I knew I should have come sooner." Natsuki pushed past him, fully aware of the shock on his face when she did so. She went up the stairs to the only closed door. Inside, she could hear the soft sobs.

"I understand." She said, placing her hands on the wooden barricade, trying to force her voice to reach Shizuru. "You're petrified...I see that now." She could tell by the sounds of foot falls that Shizuru's parents were behind her, but that couldn't stop her. "You're scared, and you think you can't be happy...that you'll be hated." With a sigh, she couldn't help but rest against that door. She pulled out her pocket knife. "You saw Nao get hurt, and you think fighting is wrong..." With a sigh, she slid the tip into the keyhole, breaking the lock. "You don't want to be cast aside."

When she pushed the door open, she saw Shizuru sitting on her bed, wide eyed. She turned to look at Shizuru's parents with a sigh. "If you have to hate anyone, hate me..." With that, she stepped through the threshold of Shizuru's bedroom door. She took the woman in her arms, caressing Shizuru's cheek before leaning in to capture her lips. The world around them stopped. It had just been shaken violently. Tossed upside down, and torn asunder. When Natsuki broke the kiss, no one dared to breath. There was no denying it, no running away from the truth.

Finally, with the shock still in his voice Shizuru's father managed to speak. "What in the bloody hell was that?" He whispered, quite unsure of what he'd just witnessed.

"You know exactly what you saw." Natsuki said then. "If you cant handle it, that's up to you, but Shizuru can't take this secrecy anymore." Her emerald eyes fell to those of glistening crimson. "She can't have her own happiness when she's worried about everyone else...and I can't be happy if she hides from me." With that, Natsuki held her a little tighter. "I won't allow her to hide anymore from anyone..and I'll protect her no matter what."

"You think this is well, that this is good?" Tadao felt dizzy, and in need to a drink as he leaned heavily on the door frame. "Shizuru is my daughter, and I did not raise her to be...to be..." He couldn't fathom the words.

"You raised her to be an adult...to be independent...and to be an America, worthy of freedoms." Natsuki closed her eyes with a gentle sigh as she lifted herself off the bed. "To be in love is a liberation, and to enjoy that love is a civil right...we aren't hurting anyone...it's everyone else who tries to hurt us." As if to prove her point she leveled her eyes at Tadao. "Such a look across your face. Are you really that bothered by it? If so, you are no better than the ones who slander us in the street." With that, she took the woman's hand in her own. "Come on, Shizuru. This isn't any place for you...not anymore."


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry, this one isn't very Natsuki/Shizuru centric...mainly because there are other things to cover first. I make the statement first, that yes the USA was founded on religious freedom, directly speaking, Christianity. This does not reflect my beliefs in anyway...even though I was raised Lutheran, I myself am more...well...middle of the road...I'm still finding myself as far as that goes...but even so, even on our money today, you still see the remnants of our past there... after all it does say the words "In god we trust" on our money...
> 
> That said, don't think I'm trying to cram things down your throats or anything...everyone has a right to any spirituality, faith, creed, and belief that you have.
> 
> I don't own Mai HiME/ Mai Otome.

Chapter 9

With everything that was heavenly about earth, the people in it, and even the hell it could strike down around them, Natsuki had always viewed things with a particular level of indifference. She had no other choice. After all, it was those that feared god who were the most unable to see beyond the simple morals written in the little books. They called her wrong, blasphemous to what was good, right, holy...proper...the very foundation of the country she lived in, founded itself on religious freedoms, and even the notion was crammed down her throat by the bills in her pockets.

In god we trust.

The very idea was one of many that irked her, but not because of the fact that it was an ideal...it was the fact that the ideal in question was blindly followed. She had no problems in hopes, dreams, and prayer..the scriptures were something she took an interest in, and, in some ways, also found sanctuary. Still, everyone was a sinner...right down to mixing fabrics...even that was a sin. Still, unless one truly followed their faiths to the letter, they were all sinners in one way or another.

The very book itself stated that no one was free from it...and that's what bothered her. The people would hide blindly behind such ideals, but yet, it was those very same people who occasionally let themselves slip from the brink. She firmly believed that many who seemed to cast slander for any reason, were merely condemned people themselves...rejects among the masses.

After all, what savior would save a man who killed heartlessly? What protector would protect the strong, who needed no help? Who could possibly allow such a thing? She had no idea, and never claimed to. Still, when it was her father, going on about the fact, she could only sigh. It was a long running argument she wouldn't let him win.

"That may indeed be the case." Natsuki was playing it cool, but she wasn't very calm at the moment. "Either way, it isn't any of my concern."

"How can you say that?" Her father was much the same. "You ungrateful little base-born, you listen here, and listen good. I warned you before that getting mixed up with the Fujino's would be you're undoing!" He was livid, but also quite worried. "I'll ask you one last time, where is Shizuru?"

Natsuki looked across the room, she knew exactly where she was, but wasn't about to give details. "She's safe." That was all Natsuki dared to offer. "She's out of the public eye as well. Dad, we can keep this quiet, as long as her father doesn't lash out."

"Natsuki..." She could almost imagine him shaking his head, detesting the thought. "That isn't the point." He wanted to yell, but even that wouldn't soothe his boiling blood. "You can not do this! It's impossible, take that girl back home, and forget you even knew her!" Even so, he knew that in truth, there was nothing he could do...not unless he wanted to put his own daughter at risk. "Tadao is worried." James told her. "He's very, very worried, and he cares greatly for his only child. Don't try and rip her away from them."

"Dad, you don't understand a thing." Natsuki muttered then. "We haven't done anything wrong."

"Don't argue with me, Natsuki." James sighed, wishing that she were still just a few years younger...at least then he would have maintained some level of control. "Take her home, and let her be with her family. Let her live the life she is intended to have."

"How about you follow your own advice?" Natsuki shot back. "Why not let me live mine?"

"There will be consequences!" He shouted.

"To hell with them!" Natsuki roared back, slamming the phone down onto the receiver.

Rashness was a problem of hers. She knew it, and she accepted it as what it was. Though she was quick to get snippy, she was even quicker to be docile, and even though she'd all but dragged Shizuru out of that tense situation, she'd no idea what it might mean for the woman in question. That house had been her only home for so long, and she hadn't wanted to take Shizuru away from anything. Still, the world was not so forgiving, and not even a person's parents could always be kind. There was something unsettling about that fact, a fear that nipped at the back of every peaceful thought...it toyed with the light of hope, and shadows of regrets.

Thankfully, she hadn't long to ponder about that while standing over the stove. Soon the door to her flat opened. "That was a fight, if I've ever heard one." The voice was like a placebo, and one Natsuki greatly took as a sign of comfort to be had.

"You know how he gets." Natsuki shrugged, stirring the pot of veggies and tasting it, before adding some more pepper. She could taste the flavor of something burnt in the cooking process, and lamented inwardly at her lack of skill when she needed it most. "We can't ever be civil, it goes against our nature."

"We've noticed." Chie nodded, and still as she said this, she was very calm. Perhaps a bit saddened. "He speaks only the truth, and you have to admit that."

"I know." Natsuki was worried for exactly that reason. "I can see I'm walking on a thin tightrope. No one ever needs to remind me of that." The disapproving glares had bothered her. She couldn't put aside the fact that clearly, Shizuru's parents didn't approve. "This isn't over, but for now, I'm taking this one slow."

"Not charging into a verbal war zone...that's a first." Chie could feel the air around them shift horribly, and it was more than she wanted to accept. "Natsuki, just what are you trying to accomplish?" Everything seemed so conflicted, so troubled, that even Chie felt as if she wouldn't ever be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

"The same thing I always accomplish when I set out to do something." Natsuki looked up from her cooking. "It would be best not to concern yourself about it...don't get in too deep, Chie. You won't be able to get back out again." Natsuki didn't want to wait for the hammer to fall, and so, avoided the entirety of the debacle by leaving...running away. "I would regret it, if you or Aoi were hurt by my actions." She wasn't proud of cowardice, and hated it at every turn...still, it was the only thing she could think of to do. "I'll let things simmer down, and then I'll decide how to deal with it."

"I'm already in too deep, Natsuki." Chie told her. "I've come bearing gifts."

"Thanks for this." She had to defuse the situation somehow and it didn't help that the storm had only just begun. " Chie, I mean it. You really don't need to get involved." While Natsuki didn't like to completely lean on others for every little detail, she also couldn't very well deal with this problem on her own, either.

"You can't do this alone, don't even pretend that you can." Chie muttered as she unpacked a brown paper bag of groceries, a box of smokes, and a new bottle of rum. "A fine mess to get into, good job." Chie smirked as she looked at Natsuki's flat, not at all about to comment on the lack of cleanliness to be found. Her happiness dwindled into nothingness at the defeated look on her friend's face. "Is Nao even still breathing?"

"If she's smoking, she's breathing." Natsuki muttered.

"Either that, or she really is a demon." Chie finally sighed, ruffling the red tresses atop Nao's head. "What's the matter squirt, don't want to say anything?"

"Get your ugly mug away from me." Nao growled weakly.

"Nope, it's not a demon." Chie finally said. "Just Nao being grumpy."

"Come on, stop harassing her." Natsuki finally let it show on her face. She was anxious, she was tired...and she had no idea what to do. "I'm doing the best I can with what I've got." Even she hadn't come down to the office in days. She was busy, and had other concerns. Shizuru claimed she wasn't hungry, and Nao was blasted, muttering obscenities that didn't make sense anyway. The entire room was in shambles.

It seemed as if any willpower was slowly draining away.

Nao was resting on the sofa, smelling as if she hadn't bathed in days, sitting in the filthy space she claimed as her own. Ashes were everywhere, but she didn't care if they made her dirty. She just kept smoking, kept drinking, and could hardly walk to the toilet. She'd taken to vomiting in the trash bin when her stomach rebelled about her consumptions. If that were not enough on Natsuki's plate, Shizuru was acting far more stoic than she should have been. She took to resting in Natsuki's bed, and though much more well kept than Nao, even she was a sad state of affairs.

Chie sighed, putting Nao's arm around her shoulder. "Alright ya little pisser, come here." She hoisted Nao up, and then looked to Natsuki. "I'll clean this one up...you deal with that one."

"Thanks Chie." it was a weak smile, but it was at least a step in the right direction. While Chie dragged Nao into the bathroom, Natsuki sighed deeply. She had already ladled the soup into a small bowl, hoping to coax her lover into eating something. "You should call them." Natsuki said softly as she put the food on the nightstand to cool a bit. "Haruka says they've been calling the office like crazy looking for you."

"What could I possibly say to them now?" Shizuru wanted to rest, to just fall asleep in Natsuki's arms and have some real sleep for a change. "Natsuki, I'm sorry." She took one of Natsuki's hands in hers. For the first time Shizuru noticed there wasn't ink under the tips of Natsuki's fingernails. Her hands were pale and normal colored. In that truth, Shizuru knew Natsuki hadn't worked properly in a long time. "I don't mean to be so weak."

"Well you won't talk to them." Natsuki shrugged. "Still, it's been several days, and as beautiful as you are...I doubt you want to hide under my blanks wearing only my shirts and pairs of underwear." She reached for the wayward tendrils of fawn that cloaked Shizuru's face, brushing them away. "Chie's going to go get your things." Gently, she added her final thoughts. "My dad doesn't like it, Shizuru...but he doesn't hate me. Even if you can't face them right now, you should still call them."

"I'd rather not." Shizuru was tired, but even more than that, she was perplexed. "Please, I just need some time." Her life had just been changed drastically, and while she regrettable nothing, she also couldn't say she was at peace with it. All she could think of was the displeasure that had splashed itself across her father's face. The disappointed look found within her mother's eyes, told her that this hadn't been a welcome surprise. "I know I'll face them sooner or later, but until I can even think about how to explain myself, what point is there to try?"

Natsuki didn't have an answer for that valid point. She didn't have a clue, unknowing of what Shizuru could say to rectify this situation. Instead, she just nodded, and they both sat in the quiet.

…

"I don't understand." Tadao sighed, shaking his head, letting the weight fall onto his shoulders as he pondered. Nothing was clear anymore. "Why Shizuru, of all people? Why must it be her?" Vexed, he'd done the only thing he knew to do, he called Natsuki's father. Over warm tea, they thought the situation over, but nothing came to mind.

"I wish I could tell you." Emptiness was the only thing James felt, as he licked his lips. "Natsuki keeps her distance from me, and though I can phone her all that I'd like, she doesn't listen to reason." The most he could do was apologize in his daughter's steed. "She has always been stubborn, but, I'm sure if you'll forgive Shizuru, she'll come to her senses." Even that seemed not enough.

"Shizuru has always had a firm head on her shoulders." Tadao agreed, though it helped him very little. The memory lingered in his mind, a tormenting echo. "She's never strayed off the proper path, not even once." He looked to the ceiling, where he knew there were people packing away his daughter's things, and he wondered why Shizuru had kept so quiet, demure, even if she was such a willful person. "In fact, I don't recall her being anything less than an upstanding individual, even as a child, she always followed expectation."

"That could be it, my friend." Jame finally sighed. "I'm not parenting expert, but, it could just be that Natsuki and her little friends are merely that...a passing interest...a way to rebel for once." He pondered it carefully, hoping that was the case. "Natsuki's always been a wildfire in so many ways, I can't hope to contain it." With a careful glance, both meaningful and well placed, he admitted his own failures. "She gets everyone caught up in her whims, and though I knew she was intent on amusing herself with Shizuru...I thought your daughter wise enough to steer clear of her.

"Well, not only has Shizuru gotten caught up in it, she intents to flee away from the very family that raised her." Bitterly, he couldn't help but be angry, and hurt at the same time. "This is not a forgivable situation. It is not a tiny defiance."

That much, while apparent to both of the men in the household, seemed to be an area of uncertainty for Suzume. She had kept respectfully quiet, and in the kitchen. She needed her own space, but as she came in to deliver a simple meal, she couldn't help but pause at the coffee table. It was not often she spoke out of turn during a time like this, because Tadao was very rarely a stern person, unlike James. "If I may, I don't believe this is as unexpected as we presume."

"Don't tell me you agree with this?" Tadao's glare spoke of everything. "Shizuru is not one of them...she will never be such a person under my roof!"

"You're correct, she won't." Suzume told him softly. "She's under Natsuki's roof and won't even speak to us." The fact that there were two women to cart away their daughter's things made that all the more apparent. Suddenly, the tea lost its flavor. "You can't blame her for hiding from us, it is as you say, she's never strayed."

"So, now suddenly she decides to frolic where no one dares to step!?" He roared, angry at himself, and at his inability to understand just what had gotten into the women of his family. "She's chosen to be a sinner, Suzume...this is so wrong on so many levels. How could she ever be happy with another woman?" Suddenly, he became weakened by his own lack of control. "Who could ever be happy in such a position?"

"I haven't a clue, Tadao." Suzume told him, before looking to James. "However, never once has she been defiant. The fact that she wants to be now..." It was a mess, Suzume had to agree, and it made not a bit of sense to her. "She must believe in it, or she would not have gone with Natsuki."

"How do I know that?" Again, the fire began to build in Tadao's eyes. "How do you know for sure that this isn't some brainwashed scheme of Natsuki's?"

"It wouldn't be the first time she's turned a woman...well..." Jame's dared not say it, and sighed. "Not that Shizuru is, mind you."

"Precisely my point!" Tadao's hand slapped the table. "How are we to know?" Frustrated, he could do nothing.

"She cowered in Natsuki's arms, Tadao." Suzume sighed. "Her fear was aimed at us, not her." If anything at all confused her the most, it was that. "As sickening as this all seems...that is the fact that makes me the most ill." She sat down in the corner, deciding to work on some embroidery. "Shizuru, terrified of us? That is not right in any manner of speaking. I don't know what she's thinking, but this insanity needs to stop."

"She needs to come home." Tadao said.

"I doubt she will." Suzume sighed.

"Natsuki is not a bad person." James settled down his thoughts, addled though they were. "She is a bit lost in the head, occasionally, I will admit...however, her choices bring her happiness." His conclusion a rather forthcoming one. "I don't understand how, or even why, but they do." He often left such a matter well enough alone. "Within that, I know there are others such as Natsuki. If it is an illness, or merely a whim, I've no idea." He'd always wondered, but always came up short. "What could a woman possibly want with another woman is beyond me...but, Natsuki has always had that interest."

Their conversation wasn't merely for their ears alone, and soon, they found themselves with an intruder among them. "You know, this is exactly why I haven't gone home." Nao wouldn't go back to her family, but, she couldn't stand seeing Shizuru cry either, so she'd come here with Chie. She needed the fresh air, if nothing else. "You guys are sick...thinking that somethings wrong with her...no shit, she's not coming back!"

"Enough." Chie sighed, putting her hand on Nao's shoulder. "This isn't our place."

"No!" Nao yelled. "I'm sick of this!" She pushed Chie away, her fact twisting into a scowl. "Why go to a place you'll be questioned? Why be in a place where people don't like you?" She spat at them. "Twisted assholes, you don't even understand any of it!"

"Nao, stop!" Chie grabbed her by the shirt collar, and pulled her out of the room, and ushering her back upstairs to pack boxes. Then she turned back to the living room, gifting a sad smile for those who suffered Nao's outburst. "Forgive her, she's got her own fair share of difficulties on similar matters."

There was a stunned silence in the room, and Suzume couldn't bear it. Never before had she seen or heard such angry words from a mere child. Never before had she noticed a girl so fearful come at her with such a response. That didn't occur in a proper household, but she noticed it...the hints of bruises. A child in a proper home wouldn't have been beaten so badly either. Something was horribly wrong with that girl, and Suzume had no idea what. Still, numbly she stood from her chair, going upstairs.

Chie was standing outside of Shizuru's old room, a cigarette to her lips. She'd been listening to everything. She didn't say a word to Suzume, she just stood there mutely. Nao was still angry, and she paused what she was doing, if only to send daggers at the woman eying her.

"Never before have I been spoken to in such a manner." Suzume told Nao, with every step she took, she could see the waiting. "What gives you such a right? Who are you to speak to me like that?" Under the stern gaze, Nao flinched and didn't say anything, as if waiting to be hit. Guilt flooded through Suzume at that. It was like watching Shizuru all over again, and with shaky legs, she sat on the vacant bed. The quilt she'd made when Shizuru had been a baby rested there, and suddenly, she felt lonely. Her nest had been emptied, her child was no where to be found, but, she was not so little anymore. "What could I possibly have done?"

"She'll be okay." Chie finally spoke. She couldn't bear to watch this anymore. "I know it may not seem like it, but we gays gotta make a family for ourselves too." She thwacked the back of Nao's head, still not happy with the way the redhead had lost her temper before. "This little self proclaimed bastard has been a problem of Natsuki's ever since I can remember...and even I've got something to prove...we all do." She went back to packing boxes. "The city isn't safe, but we don't care. We'll live our lives, and be who we want to be...even if that means losing families over it."

"Reito is a good man, what could Shizuru possibly see in Natsuki?" Suzume asked desperately.

"Reito's a great guy." Chie agreed. "It's like you said, he's a man..." With a shrug, she put out her cigarette. "They're closer friends than anyone would ever admit, so it looks like they make the perfect couple...but she doesn't love him. She isn't able to love him...she loves Natsuki."

At that, Suzume felt ill again. "What about you...you're one of them, aren't you?"

"I have a girl of my own, yeah." Chie shrugged. "It's more common than you think, but, we can't say it to people. If we did, we wouldn't be accepted...in some cases, we might even be killed." With a sigh, she put down the box that she'd just finished. "To be honest...I would be even more concerned for Shizuru if she wasn't afraid of you." She pointed a thumb over her shoulder, aiming it at Nao. "I wish that one, and Natsuki, would learn some fearful respect sometimes. Instead of just doing what they please, it would do them good to remember who they are. At least then, they wouldn't have to carry knives around all the time."

"Shizuru shouldn't have to be afraid." Suzume replied. "We can fix this...somehow. There must be a cure."

"That's why she's afraid." Chie had no more comfort in which to give. "She's not broken, she's in love...but you'll break her really good if you keep that up. Honestly, we'll never let you near her again, if that's what you think." Her eyes soften then. "You can't cure it. You can't fix it. The only thing you can do is live with it...and try to become happy." At that, she sighed a little, thinking about her own family, and the lacking of togetherness she had with them anymore. "Let me ask you something..."

"What could a person like you possibly have to ask me?" Suzume wondered aloud.

"People don't live forever." Chie said then. "Shizuru isn't going to have the luxury of having mommy around for eternity. She's going to need a family to rely on...warmth at night, a roof over her head, and food on the table...but more than all of that, she's going to need to be at peace with herself...otherwise, there isn't any point to keep on living." At that, she let a little bit of her own bitterness show through. "If that's the case, and you know we all care...that we are our own family...all of us, can't that be enough?"

There was no answer in which to give...or rather, the answer Suzume wanted to say would have been a selfish one, and so, she didn't say anything at all.

…

Natsuki may have wanted to stay at Shizuru's side all day and night, but that had to be put in the back of her mind, at least for a few hours. She had mouths to feed, and the only way to feed them was with money. That meant being ready to send out the paper on time. It didn't make all the riches in the world, only enough to get by. It was a tight, but comfortable living for one...for two, it meant little extravagances were less likely to be afforded, but three offered little room for failure. With Nao rightfully out of commission for the time being, they were short handed...Shizuru wasn't in any condition to be working either.

They both needed time to cope, to rest, and to find themselves.

What Chie had told her, gave her hope. Natsuki prayed this would all blow over...but the look in Nao's eyes told her something different. She felt lost, because she could understand both sides of the fence. Nao was angry, Shizuru was fearful...and Natsuki could only feel unsure about what to do next. "I shouldn't have taken her out of her house."

The message was cryptic, and Chie sighed. "They're better off with you." She told Natsuki. "Nao will probably loiter around, you know how she is...she's a little misfit. She'd be lost without us." Still, about Shizuru, that was a different matter entirely. "Don't take this the wrong way, but Shizuru's parents do care about her...they're just...well you know how it goes."

"Yeah, I know." That's what bothered Natsuki the most. "I took her out of there so they didn't start trying to save the world." In all honesty, Natsuki knew they had good intentions when they called the office, but there was only so much even she could hear. "I understand that they care about her, that's not the problem. I just don't want Shizuru to have to put up with it." With a long suffering sigh that told every detail about that matter, she smiled a pained smile. "When a parent tells you that you're wrong...or that you can be fixed...or even that you need to be..." She looked away, and out at the picketers that walked circles in the street. "It's hard to let that roll easily off of your back..."

"I wish there was something more we could do." Chie just didn't know what else she could do to help.

"There is something." Natsuki said then, her hand resting on the handle of a drawer. It was one she hadn't opened in a while. She wondered if now was the time to provoke it, to test her theory. Her hand felt not yet strong enough to pull it open and her resolve weakened with a sigh. "Shizuru has to be able to speak...to address all that she feels, and the only way she can do that, is to announce it. The masses will find it offensive, I'm sure...but, I think it's time to introduce a new columnist to the team."

"I don't follow." Chie believed in free speech as much as the next person, and went so far as to test the limits of it often. This, she feared would be a bit more than Shizuru could handle. "Why have her speak publicly when she can't even say a word privately?"

With a scowl, Natsuki nodded. "That's exactly why." She up out her cigarette in the ash tray and licked her lips, leaning back in her chair as she considered that notion. "She may not be able to say the things she wants to say yet...at least, not as Shizuru...but, give her a place she can hide, a cover so that she's not the object of attention, and that just might change."

"She any good?" It was the only thing Chie could ask with a raised eyebrow. Natsuki was intent on this...and there was no swaying the look in emerald eyes.

"A little rough around the edges...very dry...but not at all bad." Natsuki said with a huff, pulling at the drawer, grabbing the file she'd shoved the torn bits of paper in. Instead of pulling those out, however, she pulled out the page that she had been able to type, having salvaged the work Shizuru had otherwise dismantled. "I wouldn't put this in the paper, clearly...but I have a feeling that there's a lot more where that came from."

Chie accepted the papers. "In fairness, anything would read bland when compared to our tribune." After glancing at the typed page, Chie became hesitant. "I don't know about this, Natsuki."

"Shizuru treads lightly." Natsuki offered. "I think we could break her of that easily...teach her that there really is no limit to what she could likely do, with the right mindset."

"That isn't what I mean." Though, Chie assumed that would be a failing endeavor. What she wanted to say seemed off kilter. "A little dry, like you say...but alright." Still, there was something about it, and Chie couldn't put her finger on it. "I don't think Shizuru is the type to take solace in this like we do. We get a thrill, and then a comfort from doing what we do...I just don't think Shizuru will be the same way."

"Maybe not." Natsuki finally sighed, hiding the work back in her desk. "The only thing we can do, is try and see how it works...but even so...it isn't comfort she needs the most...it's her voice."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

"There's something to it." Natsuki said more to herself, even though Shizuru was sitting next to her. "Something in the way the ink glistens when wet. The way it mucks up a page. Not to mention, when you just spill it, it'll ruin clothes and the like." Natsuki shrugged as she smeared her dirty hand all over her overalls. They were already full of oil and other impurities from her earlier repair work on one of the machines. "Still you can see something in it...almost like the way a child turns their head to the side, taking a look at something they don't understand." Natsuki wasn't much bothered by it, but, she hoped Shizuru would be.

That something, anything, would invoke some sort of reason for actually taking a stand. However, Shizuru wasn't like that. "That may be all well and good, Natsuki, but what does any of that have to do with me?" The woman of fawn tresses avoided confrontation to the best of her ability, and for what it was worth, she was highly skilled in the art. "It isn't as if I could possibly make amends."

"Swallow your tongue if you do." Natsuki told her with a sigh. "Don't think you're the one at fault here, Shizuru." Natsuki told her, leaning on the large printer that hummed with life once again. "Never believe you're the one that has to think twice about anything. Never if it concerns your own happiness."

"Easy for you to say." The work room wasn't a lonely place to be by far. Not with Chie spending her time bundling papers. "You've never given a dime where a penny will do. That said, you're willing to spit venom at a moment's notice, innocent bystanders not even given a second thought. That goes for everything, including your own rhyme or reason to do something." With that, the woman pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose, continuing with her work. "She's right, Shizuru, don't get me wrong. However, such a boldness will only be found at the cusp of your own desires, not the pressure of what others want from you. Natsuki can't expect that you'd react with anger the way she would."

"I'm livid." Shizuru murmured, her gaze fixed on the window, watching the morning sun rise. "That's the entirety of my problem." The hues of gold splashed into the darkness beautifully, soft and tranquil, even though the sky itself seemed endless. "I'm angry, even when there's no point to be. I'm hurt, but without any need to be." With a sigh, she just shook her head, unable to meet the people who eyed her with concern. "Even with as annoyed as I am, bothered by all that I know, I can't say that I hold any sort of grudge." Her shoulders slumped at that, her lips thinning into a tight line. "Maybe this is how it was mean to be."

Aoi sighed, looking to Yukino who nodded in agreement. It wasn't often that either one of them stuck themselves into the middle of situations that weren't their own directly. They could see it in Shizuru's eyes. She was angry, it was boiling quietly. Still, even beyond that was her own sense of failure. Wherever the anger was aimed, it wasn't someplace that could be reached. Shizuru wasn't able to lash out, not like Natsuki...and unlike Chie as well.

In the room, the air seemed thick with that truth, that no matter what Shizuru did, it wouldn't give her solace.

With the assessment being what it was, Yukino was the person to step forward first. "You can't think of things like that." She put a hand on Shizuru's shoulder. "We don't look a threat, and we can conform." She told Shizuru gently. "We can blend in, and look distinctly as we need to, so we don't have to worry about it." Then she looked over to Natsuki. "Some of us aren't as forthcoming as the rest of you, that's why we stay in the shadows the way we do."

"It isn't as if I want to resort to cowardice either." Shizuru told her then, finally finding a reason to meet Yukino's eyes. "I have no problem taking a stand if I must, whatever the reason may be." Still, the reasons she had were not enough for her. "The problem is, that I've no reason to kick up a fuss about this, nor do I have any right to go back and speak with my parents. Even if I wished to to that, I already know they will not approve, nor support this style of life."

"Most wouldn't." Aoi agreed. "Still, there are some people few and far between, who are still willing to see beyond it. Even if they are baffled by the mere idea, and sickened by the implication it further invites...even beyond that, they still attempt to see us a human beings."

"At the end of the day, it would mean nothing." Shizuru sighed deeply then, standing up so that she should look down from the window. Into the streets, where the picketers were at it once again. "Writing my feelings down means very little, especially when aimed at only a hand full of people." She nibbled on her lip as she closed her crimson eyes. "It isn't worth the effort to pour out such feelings."

"How is that?" Aoi asked, though she had to admit, she was quite the little chatter bug herself. "They have to go somewhere, shouldn't they be given to people who should hear them the most?"

"Not at all." Shizuru shook her head. In that, she was her father's daughter. "It isn't worth the time, nor the energy, to trifle in matters that will only yield to problematic outcomes. A Fujino lives life to the fullest, as if life were that of a dinner table, filled with only the richest of ingredients." It was something her father said time and time again. A notion he lived by, and so too, did she. "It isn't my problem if he can't see the gifts placed before me. It's only my job to take that which makes my life meaningful, as I have."

The withdrawn statement left something to be desired. The conviction was solid, Natsuki couldn't deny it. Even so, Natsuki could tell exactly who truly believed that statement, and it wasn't Shizuru herself. Sure, there was truth to the matter. A endowment of realities a parent would gift a child, only to find their words used against them later. Natsuki had done that several times before to her father's own face. The bitterness was forthcoming, as the was the refusal to acknowledge the pain that seeped into such a melodic voice. Shizuru was attempting, and failing, to push aside how she truly felt. A stone wall in the best of times, a puzzle broken beyond repair at worst, and Natsuki was worried.

"Those are good words, for a man, Shizuru." Natsuki said then, softly, trying to reach through the barrier that separated her from the emotion Shizuru refused to let through. "Hell, those are words a person like me might take to heart, and be okay with it." Still, she could see it in the slightest quivering of Shizuru's hand as it rested on the dusty glass. "Those words, that life, those are not ideals made for a person like you." If anything, Natsuki believed that the most. "This is a land of dreams, but those things are only going to be fantasies if someone doesn't reach for them...searching, and failing, within every endeavor." With that, Natsuki had to admit her own realization. "To get what we want, we will also hurt others...our family, our friends, those who had dreams for us will be shattered...we aren't without our own faults, and even though the picketers could be nicer about things, we make asses of ourselves too."

Only then, did she catch Shizuru's attention. "When you were born, I'm sure your mom and dad had things they wanted for you...hopes they put into you. It's okay to break those things." Natsuki told her gently. "However, you can't deny it's also selfish. We're humans, we're selfish creatures. It's okay to be that way, but even when I act out, I know there are things I can't hope to change. I don't mind...just because I can't stay quiet about it, doesn't mean others are obligated to listen to it, or like it, or even accept it...Even still, I don't do it for those people...I do it for the people who can be at least a little skeptical, and think for themselves."

"I know what you're saying, and I can even see the merit within it." Shizuru couldn't find her own strength for it. "I simply can't see my own vision. I have no idea what I would like to say. There are things I should offer, apologizes and such, but even that is lackluster. I am not alright with halfhearted gestures." At that, she felt disappointed in herself. "I could never be such a person and be at ease, and so, I'd rather not say anything at all."

Natsuki sighed, and nodded her head. She left the room only long enough to retrieve the folder she'd hidden in her desk. She came back, putting it on the table with a loud slap. "You don't seem halfhearted to me." She could see the sense of being lost, and knew well that it was a forest only Shizuru herself could wade through. "You are not halfhearted, you never have been, or I doubt you'd be here now. You wouldn't have come with me if you wanted to hide behind half truths and false repose." She let her head hang low, bothered by that thought, knowing there was little she could do to help. "I know that you are addled, that you have been addled ever since you came to work here. There's always been something there, lurking, things you want to say, but just can't."

"It isn't that I can't say them." Shizuru's finally told her. "It's that I don't wish to...that the things I would say would be little more than a venom that seeks to be purged." She shook her head again. "Assuming I did that, what good could it possibly do?"

"I wish I could gift a clue." Natsuki became calm, eerily so. "I don't have an answer for that." She hated feeling powerless. "I wish I did, but I just don't. You won't have one either, unless you give it a shot and find out for yourself."

…

The page sat blank for hours. The machine hummed, but she couldn't bring herself to find the right words. She'd tried, wad after wad of paper met the trash with vigor, since nothing seemed right. It all seemed empty, and Shizuru realized, no matter how much she loved Natsuki, she could ever see the world the way hopeful emeralds did. Her eyes were different from the woman she loved. While it was true, she wanted to be able to say things freely, she was not the type to start a rucks that would grace the eyes of all who might happen to witness her. So instead, she sighed, feeling the weight settle over her.

The flat was confining, incredibly so.

She wondered how Natsuki could even bear it, but as she looked around, the answer was also clear. Natsuki stayed here because it was safe. She could toss herself into her passions without recourse here, there would be no one to tell her otherwise. This place was suited for Natsuki, but, Shizuru couldn't say the same. Natsuki, for her part, was already scribbling away another article, and even though her face seemed tranquil, the pen screamed otherwise.

It scratched on the paper, a shouting roar that could only be Natsuki's.

"It's true, I don't want a normal life." Shizuru said then, her voice cutting through the room so suddenly, Natsuki bolted upright with a jolt. "However, it's also true that I am not the type of person to thrive in the shadows." She clicked off the machine and stood up, trying her darnedest to keep her wits about her. "I need more than this could ever afford me, but, I require you at my side...you're the one person I could never do without."

"I never expected that you would find this place comforting." Natsuki replied then, more offhandedly than anything else. "To be honest, I like keeping away from the outside, most of the time. It keeps my mind from filling with trivial things." Even as she said it, putting down her pen, she found herself askew from her normality. "I also like the city, because I know the city." Watching Shizuru begin to pull things out of the cupboards, she wondered just what exactly Shizuru could require. "I know you aren't the same way." It was no secret, Natsuki liked her solitude. She liked to keep up appearances if only so that she was left well enough alone. "It's alright for you not to be."

"What does that mean?" Shizuru asked then, exasperated. "What action could possibly see a positive outcome?"

"Reito would appease them." She lit a cigarette and crossed one leg over the other, taking a long draw. "He would amuse it, if you required a particular level of respect among peers." At that she looked over to the drawer, a ring sat in there, to use at her own behest whenever she needed things to become that way. A face, a lie, but one she would use if it gave Shizuru more freedom. "It's an option we have, Shizuru. Don't discount it, as well as others."

"I really don't want to think of that." Shizuru told her, trying to push the matter away. "It won't fix anything."

Natsuki knew otherwise. "If you told them you were to be married, they'd drop all of this within a heartbeat." It was a factual statement only, her dry tone offering the displeasure Natsuki would otherwise keep bottled away. "Our world is filled with that type of impracticality. They like the pretty lies, not the dark truth." Natsuki just shrugged, that was the worst case scenario they'd all agreed upon. "Either way, my hands are tied. If I get involved deeply, it would only push you and your parents further apart."

"I can't see how you could possibly dig us any deeper merely by existing." Shizuru's words brought along a chuckle, scornful at the world. "You'll have to forgive me, but I don't feel ready to accept the easy way out."

"I think you misunderstand." At that, Natsuki's face pulled into a scowl, her gaze far away. "I think you have the idea backwards." Contemplative at best, and angry at worst. "Getting married would be much harder. Even if you don't love Reito, you still care enough about him as a friend to consider his feelings. I feel the same consideration for Takeda." Natsuki considered it already. Going forward with the plan was a move she could make, but the more she thought about it, the more it bothered her. "They would feel the same for us, there would be a lot of uneasiness if we were to go through with it. Even if they are gay, they would be our husbands, Shizuru."

"We would be their wives." Shizuru nodded, though her eyes were on the cutting board. "I suppose a few responsibilities would then be required." That implication was clear, and along with it, and entire slew of problems. It sent a chill down her spine even thinking about it, the mere thought appalling her. "My parents would expect grandchildren, of that I'm positive."

"Takeda and I already know how we would deal with that." Natsuki told her through another long drag. "In either case, the fact remains, getting married is the harder option. Though, unless you plan to cut your parents out of your life entirely, you really should say something."

"They've seen enough." She didn't know if it was the onion she was slicing, or the fact that she felt guilty. "I shouldn't have to say what they've already seen." Her eyes burned. "I wouldn't even know what to say." She wanted to suppress her emotions, to push them away, and somehow, before she knew it she'd got lost in the motions her hand made. "Or even how to say it." She was so tense as she gripped the handle of the knife that as soon as she felt Natsuki's embrace from behind, her entire body felt like it had uncoiled. "I'm a failure as their daughter." Her hand went slack as the knife fell mutely onto the board. "I don't fit into their ideal, and I've always known that." She let go of it, but Natsuki hadn't let go of her.

"They may see it that way...and I know we would both understand...if they really did think that way." Natsuki couldn't gift false hope. "Either way, it wouldn't change much." She had wanted to pretend everything would be okay, that it would be fine and life would continue on, but she knew the truth. "I would still love you." Voids were voids regardless, and she didn't want Shizuru to walk down that path unnecessarily. "Even so, I don't like thinking that you're so willing to turn your back, without knowing the real truth. Are you that afraid?" Natsuki already knew that answer...had seen it since the first day.

"They may never want to speak to me again." Shizuru was petrified of being a disappointment. "There isn't a good way to pursue this."

"You're right." Natsuki said then. "Still, we need to find out for sure. We need to know what stance they have, what they see when they look at us. I can face that, no matter the cost, so I'll go in your steed." Natsuki told her. "I'll find out for the both of us...and if they hate you, so be it...but at least then we'll know."

…

It didn't really matter...

That's what she told herself as she walked through the streets with her hands in her pockets. This was either a means to an end, or a way to open up a window to escape despair. The inkling reminders of what a real family was, had always been a distant thing for a person like Natsuki. She'd tried to understand it. What a mother was, and who a father should be, but, neither was conventional. Not in her mind at least, where only one parent ever stood as her entire world. Maybe the rumors were right, perhaps lacking a mother had made her think she was a man, even if she knew otherwise...it didn't bother her to think in a lot of the ways her father did, nor it trouble her to stick her nose up at him either.

A mother, a father, and children...that was proper, righteous, and good...it was normality.

It was just that Natsuki had never really understood the concept. She hadn't experienced the upbringing that Shizuru had, so, she couldn't claim she knew how things would go. The thought should have been frightening, but only indifference danced in her mind. As long as she didn't have any clue, she also couldn't be bothered. Even ringing the doorbell was a thing she did with numb fingertips. Children were playing stick ball in the street, laughing with glee, so when no one answered the door, Natsuki watched.

Seeing the things she could not understand.

Her world was filled with industry. Big business was the ruler. Financial records were the way to a prosperous life. Inner city schooling had been her daytime commute and buses that ran along on set paths. Trains that carried far and wide. She saw things with money and practicality in mind. She always had to fix things. Covered in oil, or ink...splattered by hard work, sweat, and tears. This was not a sight she was used to seeing often, and never as a child. Natsuki's world was a man's world...her father's world. She didn't go to church, or know well of the good book. Her home was always just a little unkempt growing up, so her adult life welcomed much the same.

Awed by the spectacle that it was for a person such as the woman of midnight tresses, she unaware of the fact that she was attracting attention to herself. She knew somewhere along the line, Shizuru's mother had come home, and had been standing next to her, there was just nothing to say. Not even a greeting could be found, and yet, something had to be said.

"The place where I live is small." Natsuki found her voice first, withdrawn. "She can't be happy in a place such as that." She wouldn't make eye contact. "Yet, she'd rather be there, than be here."

"I suspect Shizuru has always been such a person." Suzume told Natsuki, shifting the paper bags in her arms a little. "I have no doubt that she will continue to be such a person." Awkwardly, she wondered if she should invite Natsuki in, but instead settled for putting the bags near the door for the time being. "I am no stranger to odd things, and even as inconceivable as it may be, I can understand that aspect, at least." Looking down at her feet, she smoothed the wrinkles in her dress, and sighed when she was finally ready to face Natsuki. "I'd like to think I know quite a bit more about a woman's happiness, seeing as I am one myself. Still, you are one thing I could never understand, try thought I might to figure out some sort of insight."

"Don't try." Natsuki said then pulling out a cigarette from her metal case. "It'll be easy for you that way." She glanced at the flame as she lit it, and then returned to watching the children play. "You're the same to me. Just an answer I don't have, and probably never will."

"How is she?" The question was strained, and Suzume almost regretted it.

"Getting by." Natsuki said then licking her dry lips. "Listen, I've been told I look like mom, but the older I get, she becomes a fading memory to me." It was one of her far off looks that lingered in emerald orbs. She tried to see herself as a suburban child. One who knew nothing of hard work, of long hours...one who could just quite literally play in the street without worry of oncoming traffic. "Maybe I've spent too much time with dad, maybe everyone who chews my ear off is right...and lacking a mother, I've turned into him...or that I've tried to cross over boundaries that I never should have done."

"If you know they could be right, then why do you do it?" A chiding tone, quite disapproving graced the air by a motherly tone.

"Because, even if they are right, where is any of that my fault?" Natsuki asked then, the question clear as a bell. "At that point, aren't I just the victim of circumstance?"

"Are you a victim?" Suzume asked then with a raise eyebrow.

"No, but that's not what I'm trying to say." Natsuki murmured quietly.

"Just what exactly are you doing here, Natsuki?" It was like a knife, cutting to the core of the matter. Silence fell over both of them. The sounds of the children echoed.

"Just like I said, maybe I am a man in some ways." Natsuki told her, before taking her last hit of the smoke and putting it out. "Maybe I have learned to do what a real man might do, if his woman was as troubled as Shizuru is...but if that's the case, it's not my fault." She put the butt inside of her case to discard later. "I will take care of Shizuru. I know she's young, and may not fully understand the implications yet. I haven't put a hand on her, and I won't until she's ready."

"Is that some way to comfort me?" Suzume asked harshly. "Some way to negate the damage you've caused? It won't work, I can't accept that."

With that, Natsuki's eyes softened a bit. "You and I both know the life she wants to try to lead will not be an easy one...in a few years she may decide to leave me, and if that's the case, I'll let her go." Still, Natsuki was unsure of what she was about to ask. "I'll disappear if that's what she wants, and I'll never burden her again." Her breathing became shallow, filled with nervousness. "For now though, she's my family...she's the nearest thing to a wife she can be for me. I would marry her if I could, but I can't." With a deject sigh, she found her question. "So, for now at least, can't you just amuse us?"

Suzume frowned, shaking her head only slightly. "I have no idea why on earth I should do that."

A bitter smile graced Natsuki's lips, a chuckle filled with mirth at the tip of her tongue. "If I had been born a man, with the job I have now, with the personality I've got...the conviction I've got, and asked her father for Shizuru's hand in marriage, what do you think he would say?"

"Yet, you are not a man." Suzume told her. "Still, even as irrelevant, and hypothetical as it may be, you know he would never deny her wishes." She bit back the ill feeling in her gut. "I am not saying we are happy about this, nor am I agreeing that you are suitable for Shizuru. All that I am saying, is that Tadao can not, and will not abandon his only flesh and blood. He doesn't have it in him, nor do I. Even if this is not the life we've envisioned for her...he will cave, eventually." Still, Suzume wasn't eased by it. "Make no mistake, it is difficult to overlook the facts of your relationship."

"Yeah well, I'd like for both you and your husband to join us for dinner tomorrow." Natsuki was almost begging. "I'd like for you to see how Shizuru will live her life. The friends she has, the family she's making. My father will be there too, with bells on, if he knows what's good for him."

"I suppose we can afford that much." Suzume agreed. "We shall be there."


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

If the sun setting wasn't enough to make her squint, the sight before her could most assuredly be the culprit.

Natsuki gulped hard to steady herself when she saw what Shizuru had chosen to wear to bed that night. "That's a work shirt." Who knew such a thing could send a fist of need to slam at her gut in full force. She closed her eyes, putting her hand over them. "Do you really have to wear that?" She asked, in truth she already knew Shizuru enjoyed the feel of the soft, worn cotton. Still, it did nothing to calm her, in fact, it only served to bother her, letting her mind play with the image.

She'd never lived with anyone before, at least no one she took romantic interest in. Natsuki knew that Nao would do the same thing occasionally, when she had nothing else to wear. Nao, at least in Natsuki's mind was a child to protect. She was not a woman, not like Shizuru. Natsuki's shirts would pool over Nao's form, covering her quite well. On Shizuru, the effect was quite another matter. "I find them more comforting than my own nightgowns." Shizuru told her. She had to admit, Natsuki's shirts weren't baggy, in fact, they could be considered quite small. "It isn't a problem, is it?"

"No, not really." Natsuki told her, even though Shizuru could have done with a house coat to go over herself, least her breasts be put on display further by the tightly fitting shirt. "Could you at least wear a pair of my pajama bottoms too?" Natsuki offered then daring to open one eye, only to slam it shut again.

"It's alright, Natsuki." The woman of fawn tresses had already slipped under the covers. "I don't mind it this way."

She had to intake a breath, hearing those words. "It isn't that I mind either." Natsuki tried to push away the image that had greeted her, the thoughts of running her fingers along those shapely exposed thighs made her world spin upside down. "It's just a lot to take in." While it was true she had enjoyed many shows at the local burlesque house, secretly eying the scantly clad women who took a pride in being ogled, she had ever any intention of acting on her desires like that. "Besides, I've made a promise I can't break." She muttered then, holding out a pair of bottoms she retrieved from the closet.

"A promise?" She took the offered garment, but hesitated to put them on. "Nao isn't going to be sleeping on the sofa again, is she?"

"She's staying with Chie tonight." Natsuki shook her head. "This is something I promised your mother directly. I can't break it."

Shizuru's brows furrowed and she looked away. "My mother?" It was then she felt the urge to put them on. "I thought you were going to speak with my father."

"He wasn't home." Natsuki told her as she sat on the edge of the bed. "Your mother was, and we had a little chat." She recalled the harsh, but not uncaring words. "It's true she doesn't like that we're together, but at the same time, I know she was trying her best." With Shizuru's legs properly covered, Natsuki felt much more at ease. "I told her that I would keep my wits about me, until you were sure about us being together."

"That's a very bold conversation, especially for a person such as my mother." Shizuru was not at all please with the result. "You spoke with her freely on such a topic?" She didn't know if she should feel angry or ashamed that her own personal feelings were spoken about in her absence. "That's more than just a little uncouth."

"This is why I kept the matter to myself when I arrived home." Natsuki replied sternly. "I knew you would be unhappy about it." She could see it again. "It was unavoidable, to be honest." A young woman, very much fearful of her feelings being spoken of. It was easy to forget just how fragile those crimson eyes could be, and how much protection Shizuru's heart still required. "She's worried about you, and I couldn't avoid it."

"It isn't as if they would understand my feelings." Shizuru's voice was willed with it now, that insecurity she hated having in the first place. "That isn't something that they should be worried about, nor something you should promise them." Feeling weak and dizzy, she gripped the covers just a little bit. "Besides, it isn't as if they're going to know about every little thing we do."

"Even so, Shizuru you're younger than I am. It's my job to look after you, to see that your needs are being met to the best of my ability." She pulled one leg up, so she could rest on her knee. "Parents like the idea of a daughter being well taken care of. That she won't want for anything. I'd like to appeal to that side as much as I can." Natsuki hoped that even if the idea wasn't very well understood yet, she would at least get Shizuru's parents to see things her way. "While it's true they won't ever like the idea of you being with another woman, they're smart people, they know a good thing when they see proof of it."

"Then why don't they see it now?" Shizuru asked then, which only made Natsuki chuckle.

"They've never had to deal with it before." She reached out, pushing some fawn tresses behind Shizuru's ear. "Not only that, but how are they to know if I can properly run a home?" Natsuki asked her. "Most women could not support a family on their own, it just isn't logical."

"I'm independent enough to earn my own keep." The truth, sent another wave of anger though her. "Do they think I'm that inept?" Shizuru asked quietly, rage at the back of her voice, well hidden, but there none the less.

"My point is, you shouldn't have to." With that, Natsuki sighed, needing to ward away a headache. "Shizuru, think about this from a withdrawn view...that the people aren't your parents." Natsuki told her. "In the types of households they understand, a man works. He brings home the money, and the woman raises the children...but I'm not a man, so they're really judging me, not you." Shizuru's mother had made that apparent, glaringly so. "The fight their making isn't only about my gender, though that is a huge part, it's also about my capabilities."

"It shouldn't matter!" Her voice rose then and as soon as it did, Natsuki pulled her into an embrace. "This shouldn't even be their concern." She buried her face into the crook of Natsuki's neck, hiding her eyes. "So why does it? Why are they being so difficult?"

"Life is full of difficulties, ours are just found in different places." Natsuki sighed pulling away to look at Shizuru, cupping her cheek. "Still, it doesn't matter either way, because they are your family. Blood ties should never be undone." It was with her usual hesitance that she pulled Shizuru in for a kiss, even if it was something they'd done often enough before. It made her heart flutter in odd, but pleasant ways. It also did horrible things to her mind, as it skipped merrily along paths she dare not cross, and that was often why she was careful to limit her contact.

Still, as Shizuru clutched onto her shirt, a dire need flowing through her, Natsuki knew she couldn't be complacent, nor could she disregard her promise to Shizuru's mother either. It was a true fear of hers, that Shizuru may indeed leave one day, and that reminder made her tighten her hold just a little bit, even when she pulled out of the sweet maddening kiss. She fell backwards, holding Shizuru protectively as their heads crashed onto the soft feather pillows. "I won't touch her in dubious ways, I promised that." Natsuki thought to herself as she bit her lower lip. "Though, I never said anything about just holding her as we slept, either."

…

"You could have told me earlier." Shizuru called so that Natsuki could hear her.

"I wasn't going to add more pressure than you were already under." Natsuki was busy getting ready, so she didn't spare any time to let herself become worried. "You aren't the only one cooking for this banquet, and even if it is going to be lacking in privacy, it's the best thing I can offer." She hoped it would work. "I have a lot to prove, and I'm hoping that this way, I can."

"Natsuki, please reconsider." It was troublesome. "I don't see why you insist on this." It was a bad idea, and the fact that Natsuki had all but sword upon it, made the matters all the more agitating. "It won't change anything, they'll still be irked by merely the thought." Shizuru was cooking, but even as she did it with an acidity to her, she kept that much of her temper in her mind only. "Do you wish for them to see us as a couple so badly?" Still, she was an obedient person, when such a person was loyal and deserving. Natsuki was that, at least. Even now, her actions were seeded with good intentions only.

"I do." She told Shizuru as she looked at the clothes she owned, thinking of what would be best to wear. "I want them to see, so forgive me if I'm selfish." She had dresses and skirts, but they bothered her. "We've got to break them out of their shock somehow." That would go further into the grain, and fuel denial. Instead she chose a three piece suit. "Filling the room with gays might at least help them to crush some of their insane notions, if it does nothing else."

"Or, failing that, alienate them." Shizuru told Natsuki dryly.

"It's a charity benefit, Shizuru." Natsuki sighed then. "It occurs every year, and although the people who attend don't look it, most of them are the same as us." In the bathroom, her voice echoed off the walls. "Again, we have ways to network. Silent majority will always be the uncounted, and thus the unknown. Still, even they need a chance to breathe freely among their peers." She peaked out for a moment, while tucking her shirt into her pants. "These people are successful, and it wouldn't do for them not to have strong allies. The world we live in is very judgmental, between what color your skin is, and who you date, you may have several things that already set you apart."

"You could be right." Shizuru had to admit, she was interested in seeing what it would be like tonight, seeing the main floor of the building done up with necessary arrangements. Most were either cooking, or decorating. A small few were shopping at stores for anything else that might be needed. "Just what sorts of people come to an event like this? Surely it can't be advertised."

"Word of mouth is a very strong thing." Natsuki told her. "Many live an alternative lifestyle, even if they aren't open about it. As I've said, race means nothing to us, so you'll see all sorts of couples. Many are like us, but, many are not. There is a fight for equality among the masses, and each of them are looking for different things." A mere shrug was all she found willing to offer. "In due time, you'll see what I mean, though I apologize now. This will be work for me, more or less."

"Somehow, I doubt that's the case." Shizuru smiled softly, amused by Natsuki's earlier antics. "You are quite excited, aren't you." The joyful laughter on the first floor had been a spectacle, and even Nao was beginning to get into high spirits, a rarity as of late.

"On the surface, it's merely a charity benefit." Natsuki reminded Shizuru. "There is networking involved too, that's correct...so there is some level of work in this." Still, she couldn't help but send a grin in return. "I'd be lying though, if I didn't say that you would see plenty of idle bantering as well. I'm dressing to impress, but you'll see many more dressed in less than fitting attire, after a long day of work they'll have little time to return home."

"Who'll be at our table?" Shizuru asked then, remembering that Natsuki had been the one to set out the place cards.

Natsuki considered that. "Each table seats eight comfortably." She replied, fixing her tie. "Your parents and my father will be seated there along with us, of course, so that makes five. Nao will have to sit with us, since it's the only way I can ensure that she behaves. Reito and Takeda will be there as well, so our table will be all good company tonight."

"How on this earth do you find such confidence?" Shizuru asked as she stirred a big metal pot.

"It isn't confidence." Natsuki was finally happy with her manner of dress. "Sure willpower alone is the only thing that will get me though tonight." She walked into the small kitchen kissing Shizuru on the cheek before stealing a taste of the soup Shizuru was preparing. "I've got to go down and make sure Mai hasn't been given a heart attack yet. Even though I promised she could use the kitchen, I didn't promise she would be left alone."

"It's nice that she was willing to help out, but that poor woman will be driven to the brink of insanity." Shizuru agreed while shaking her head. "How do you think she'll cope?"

"Like she does every year, I suspect." Natsuki said with a smile. "A good bit of brandy, and hiding in the kitchen."

…

Are you sure you wouldn't like this table in the social hall as well?" Mai asked then as she dressed a much smaller table in one of the unused rooms, near Natsuki's office. "It would seem odd if you didn't attend your own gathering."

"I will attend for a while, but tonight I also have my own important matters." She thumbed though a few crisp bills, before handing Mai the envelope it was to come in. "This means a great deal to me, Mai." Then she sighed and opened her wallet to give some money from her own pocket. "I need to try to gain the acceptance of her parents, and as you know, that is no easy task." The bill she pulled out was much larger than it should have been, but she couldn't put a price on the necessity that tonight would bring. "For the first half of this evening we will enjoy a private dinner. After, if they wish to join is for the party, they'll be most welcomed."

"You don't need to bribe me." Mai groused, hesitantly accepting the offer.

"Don't think of it as a bribe." Natsuki told her. "Think of it as a bonus, just ensure my dinner goes uninterrupted, if that's at all possible."

With that, she exited the double doors that led into the machine room, and then took the stairs down into the first floor. She looked around, in hopes to find something, anything, that might be out of place. The decorations were splendid and nothing seemed to be amiss. With only a few hours to go, she helped finished what was already underway, making sure every table was perfect, every glass crystal clear. She eyed not only the china, but also the cutlery. Every fork, spoon, and knife without water spots.

The cloth napkins were given one final eye for detail. After Natsuki was pleased with the outcome, she then had only a short time to worry about the others. Everything was as it needed to be, and with a sigh to steady herself, and pulled her fingers into tight fists, breathing deeply.

"You are worried, aren't you?" Mai asked as she did away with the imperfect utensils, least they be seen cluttering the bins in the hallway. "You don't seem like it, but I can see it. You think they'll hate you, don't you?"

"Well, I'm not one for first impressions." Natsuki smiled then, a bit roguishly at that. Mai was well aware of Natsuki's lack in poise. "I've made a bit of a mule of myself, and I'd be lying, if I said I expected the best outcome." With that, she broke eye contact with the carrot topped woman who was fixing to put on a new apron. "Maybe I'm being more pushy than I should be."

"Well, you're a foolish person anyway." Mai shrugged. "If you had any good sense, you'd simply acknowledge Takeda."

"If he'd ever lost his mind like that, I'd knock his block off." Natsuki grumbled, more to herself than Mai. "Besides, you know he only see's Reito."

"He's lost his good senses too." Mai sighed. "Though in truth, he never had much of them to begin with. Having intellect does not mean a person has sound reasoning."

That pulled a chuckle from beyond worried lips. "You could be right." Her spirits lightened from Mai endearments made her feel at least a little better. "I never have thanked you." Natsuki said quietly. "You've always stood by our side, even though it's a danger for you, and your husband." She met violet eyes, a sincere smile all she could offer. "I am grateful, you know."

"You should be. One day, all of this will bite me in my rear end." Mai also smiled in return. "Anyway, don't thank me just yet. I'm making Nao and Chie help me with the dishes."

"Damn it all." Natsuki sighed, hiding her face in her hand. "Don't let them flood the faculty kitchen!" Natsuki yelled as Mai made a hasty retreat. She shook her head, still uplifted, comforted. Mai was the proof she needed, the hope and the reality. Not everyone hated her, even if they didn't like it. The busty woman was a good friend, and that wasn't at all something to question, even with her nagging aside.

Natsuki stood, observing all that she could, in hopes to keep her anxiety down.

There was a calmness that had fallen over the party room, as Yukino helped bring pots of food, still covered and warm. Haruka was delegating, loud and obnoxious as ever, her shouting echoing off the walls as she bellowed. Chie was going over her speech one last time, and Nao was off in the corner, likely harassing Mai. Aoi was probably at the door, where Natsuki knew her father was already making idle pleasantries with the young woman. Everything was as it should have been, and with that in mind, Natsuki went back upstairs to be sure Shizuru was quite alright.

…

"When they come to the door, Aoi will lead them to the small dining room I've prepared, and there we can share in a quiet meal." Natsuki said as she helped Shizuru slip on her shall. "I know you don't want to face them, but, I think it'll be alright, somehow."

"What if they insist I go back home?" Shizuru asked then, it was a fear of hers. "Or what if they don't make the offer at all? What if they don't even want me around anymore?" She scowled at herself, damning her weaknesses. She could see herself in the mirror, and hated how fearful she looked, how cowardly she appeared. "This is why I didn't want to see them. I don't believe I can't deal with it, especially if they try to separate us."

"It would be pointless." Natsuki put her hands on Shizuru's shoulders, trying to ease some of the tenseness out of them. "They wouldn't try to take you away from what you love the most." Though, she wondered just who she was trying to convince of that. "I doubt they would do anything with an intention of hurting you."

"Maybe not." Shizuru agreed. "But what about trying to protect me?"

Natsuki closed her eyes, nodding. She knew that was a possibility. "They might." She offered as her gut flipped in response to the horrible thought. "People often do painful things with the best of intentions." At that, a knock came from her door, and she gave Shizuru's shoulders a steadying squeeze before she went to answer it. "Hey, dad." Natsuki told him in greeting. They didn't hug, didn't do anything, as a gap seemed to stand between them. It was always there, a comforting void. "Did you have a good talk with Aoi?"

"Why yes, in fact I did." He said, nodding in greeting to both his daughter, and Shizuru. "She's a bright young woman, and I truly wish she would have become an accountant. She has the qualities of a broker, just my firm needs."

"Dad, stop trying to recruit my employees!" Natsuki warned him, though her voice was a bit more playful than it was inherently mean. "She doesn't belong with a bunch of boorish stiffs anyway."

"No, instead she belongs with an unruly lot such as yourself." He shot back, a troublesome grin on his face as well. "Go on, teach her to roll in the mud like swine. It's what you know best."

"Pompous old fart." Natsuki growled at him. She grabbed the tall man by the tie to pull him into an embrace. "I missed you."

"I know, Natsuki." He didn't show it in his face. It stayed as stone cold as ever, but his embrace was warm. As a father and daughter, they were so much alike, they had no idea how to talk nicely to each other. It was like a raging inferno, about ready to explode at any point...even still, their fights were muted by the truth. They were the only blood left, the only tie that bound them together. "I'm sorry." He wasn't around often, and that lack of his presence in her adult life bothered her. Aggressive reactions were softened by times like this. "You've bitten off more than you can chew, child. You are still naive, even now."

"Don't think me stupid." Natsuki fired back heatedly. "I know what I'm doing." She pulled away from him roughly. "I've got everything under control."

"Yes, you're harboring two young girls who know nothing of the real world." Her father told her. "On top of that, Nao is very much a child, and her mother worries constantly."

"I've got Nao under control." Natsuki told him quietly, crossing her arms. "I'm looking out for her, and I know what I'm doing." There was a shared sternness between them. Both of them daring the other to falter. "Her mom is sick anyway, she can't keep an eye on Nao. I can, and I understand what Nao's going through a lot better than anyone else could."

"That may be true in Nao's case." James replied relenting the facts surrounding Natsuki's young friend. "How about Shizuru?" His eyes cut across the room to the woman in question, and she averted his gaze. "Why amuse this...romance...of yours any further, Natsuki?"

Shizuru could see it. Natsuki's love for her father, even if she never said it...even if she would never admit it. Their bond was a strong one. She envied it, and that envy gave her the will to speak. "I'm alright." She offered shyly. "Natsuki cares greatly for me, as I do her." It still felt a little strange to say openly. "She has not let any harm come to me, nor have I gone hungry."

"Your parents are worried about you." James told her, as he put one hand in his pocket to fish out a flask of brandy. "To be honest, I am too." He twisted off the top and took a sip to wet his lips. "I can not even imagine what it must feel like to love a woman, when you, yourself are a woman." It boggled his mind. "Natsuki seems strong and robust, and she often thinks she is a man." He shook his head to prove otherwise. "It would be best if the two of you considered just who it is you want to confront." He looked to Natsuki directly. "You can't expect them to accept this."

"I don't." Shizuru spoke up instead. "I don't conceive this to be a good idea." It bothered her, hearing such a thing, hearing it aimed at Natsuki. "I highly doubt it will work." The woman she loved. "This dinner, it is merely to make a statement." She was terrified, but also, her rage burned deeply in he heart. "If they can not accept me, and the person in my life, I will shun them as well." Her voice shook, but she was confidant in that. "I am prepared to do it, if I must."

"Are you so foolish?" James asked her. "Would you really cast them aside?"

"Why haven't you tossed Natsuki aside?" Shizuru asked him, unsure of what she might hear.

He stood quietly, a frown on his face. He had often been on the receiving end of the question. It was always an answer he could shrug off, but this time, he was unable. This was not merely about having an illegitimate daughter. This was not about bringing her here from a country they had been at war with. This was not even about her mother, a person thought by many to be a mere concubine for the lonely men. He felt pained at that, knowing how horribly his child had been misunderstood at even a young age. When she could not speak English well, and he knew very little Japanese.

Their lives had been very difficult, and even as a child, Natsuki relied on her independence. She had to, in order to survive a world that knew nothing of her words or actions. He recalled when as a child she used to slap at him, or scream to get her point across...it was all she could do. There was a loss between them for many years, and schooling her early on had been no easy task either. People thought him insane, trying to raise a child on his own.

This was yet another misunderstanding, and little more. He found his answer hadn't changed. "She's my blood." He told Shizuru. "My child even now." He looked over to Natsuki, and once again, he questioned himself. He wondered if it was truly a good idea to have taken her under his wing, wondering if she would have grown to be a proper young lady, if she had stayed at the orphanage in Japan. "No matter how irritatingly irresponsible she is." Yet, he was the one who took her...who plucked her from the world she knew, and plopped her down in a place she'd be forced to learn and understand. As exasperating as it was, he could not turn away from that act. "Her mistakes are my burdens...I don't have the right to cast her aside."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

The admission of Natsuki's father was something that hung in a delicate balance. Shizuru didn't have time to muse about the way his eyes seemed stern and powerful, or the way Natsuki looked away at his admission, muttering shyly at his forthcoming honesty. As soon as the signs had been there, they washed away, fleeting at best. Her breath was caught between them, a father looking after his only daughter. Some might have found it touching and heartfelt, but Shizuru sensed it was less out of pride. Instead, it seemed laced with pretentiousness, more out of guilt than anything. She would never understand it, and the two of them seemed very pent up about the subject. He was a man of his honor, taking in and raising Natsuki, as he intended he would...the rest of it would likely remain unknown to anyone else.

So, it made sense that even now, he would not entirely abandon her.

Shizuru wished it would be the same for her own family. She prayed for the chance to find and latch onto a tiny speckle of hope. If there were any, they were to be found in his words. His unwavering sense of fathering his child, who was not exactly small enough to hide behind him anymore. Still, if there had been trace of encouragement at all, Shizuru knew he hadn't meant for it to be detectable. "I understand that it will not be easy." Shizuru told him then, trying to form herself into a pillar of strength. "I do not expect that they will approve." She didn't want to worry Natsuki. "I'm even more unsure that we could be a family after this, it may all just be fruitless anyway."

"Knowing that, you'll still go through with this dinner?" James shook his head. "A Fujino indeed." He sighed deeply.

"I shall." Shizuru nodded carefully. "Simply put, it is the only thing I can do." It was that fire in her eyes. "If I will only be allowed a family by blood right, I do not want such a right." It sparkled with so many things as she turned to face him. "I will not have chains tying me down." James saw it, and knew exactly what burned there. "I will not dream for what I can easily achieve...I will reach out for it instead."

He knew not how, or even why it seemed to be set alight so easily. "If that is your desire, and what it must be, I understand." Still, it was the light in her eyes, a desperation morphing into determination. "If you are as foolhardy as to believe that a man could never make you happy, you are indeed a lunatic." Even so, he couldn't hold back his laugh. "Still, it is those types of minds that pave the way to greatness." Waves of amusement shook him, and his companions seemed to have missed the joke. "If you truly believe what you say, you belong with a person such as Natsuki." He could accept that, an answer gifted to him by fact and not rebellion. "I won't dispute the matter further, Shizuru, if you are entirely sure of this insanity." He felt felt like a sinner now, amusing the mockery of a relationship as he was about to do.

…

His words had not been a comfort, but, they had been a welcoming breath of air.

For the first time, in a long time, that faint hope seemed brighter. It was with such a thing nestled in the pit of her heart that she sat at the dinning table, uneasy, as she awaited a hammer to fall. A verdict to be cast down upon her was imminent. She could see the disapproval, shame that was not usually aimed at her. She wouldn't fault them, she promised that to herself. Still, when the pleasantries died and no laughter or idle banter befell the table, it was Shizuru's mother who sighed the deepest. It was a tense meal, and the flavor of Mai's wonderful cooking could not help to quell the low boil.

"You look well." Her voice was terse, strained by what she knew. "I suppose I should be grateful." Trying to be kind failed her. "Still, all that I can feel seems to be the greatest sense of unease." She could see Natsuki's protective gaze, and she was not unknowing of where Natsuki's hand was currently, even if obscured by the tablecloth. "I have no idea what to say about this, it is no joyous occasion that brings me here." Still, as bothered as she was by the knowledge, she was even further provoked by both men in the room, who'd yet to comment on situation. "You should come home, Shizuru. It is as Natsuki says, this place is not meant for you."

"The flat upstairs?" Shizuru asked, looking to Natsuki for a hint of what might be coming. "You're right, it is rather dark up there." She found nothing but a stern glare in emerald eyes, fierce, but quiet...protective and yearning. She could feel Natsuki's fingers drawing circles thigh, a reminder that no matter what, they would be together. With the encouragement, she felt just a little safer. She turned back to her mother. "There are no shops nearby, and to make matters worse, we have very rude people who come to picket every day." She kept the ire out of her voice. She was tired of a lot of things, hiding being one of them. "It would be nice to belong in a place that was more accepting, but, I fear that won't happen, not in my lifetime."

"You could have a happiness of a woman, Shizuru." Her father, though careful with his words, seemed less withdrawn, and not quite as bothered as Shizuru thought he would be. "If only you'd come home."

"What happiness would that be, Father?" She asked him, trying to see how opposed he was.

"Well, I suppose the happiness any woman might have." He shrugged, to him it was obvious. "There are things only a man can give."

"I see what you'd like for me to have." She sipped her water. "Marriage, children, waiting for a man to come home every night only to serve his every demand." She shook her head, she wanted no part of it. "Going to church every Sunday, only to hear how I'll burn for my sins?" Nothing, it was old and maddening. "You'd like for me to relinquish the things I desire, and for what? This preconceived notion of yours that all women can only be happy with a man?" Any more slander would consume her. "If I may be so bold, just what in the hell is there to be happy about?"

The table was quiet, her admission heartfelt, and it was with a sigh that Tadao looked to his wife, unsure of what kind of reply to gift. "Many things my daughter, many things." His wife felt as empty as he did, a blankness he couldn't seem to overcome slipped over his features, and he sighed. "I'd like to think that such a future would befit any young woman." He put down his knife and fork, he was no longer hungry, though he hadn't felt in the mood to eat before, either. "I also would like to believe that you'd come home. If for no other reason, you are my child." It the natural order, or so he liked to think, but it didn't help clear his mind. "Even if you do love a woman, running off as you have is an unfounded, not to mention immoral, thing to do."

"If I were you, I wouldn't dare to start that discussion with me at the table." Natsuki finally said, she'd had enough. "This world is filled with ideals that cause pain for others." She couldn't bear to hear it, couldn't watch this play out in the way it was currently. "There is nothing I can do, nor anything I can say, that make this any easier for anyone." Still as she said this, she stood from the table, going over to the liquor cabinet. "The fact remains simple, I am a woman...and I'm in love with a woman." She poured three glasses of the finest brandy she had. "I wonder what it would have been like, if such a difficult thing hadn't loomed over our heads."

With care, she gave Tadao one glass, her father the other glass, and she kept the third for herself as she sat back down. "I now shall pose a question, and I require your answer." With that, she took a knowing sip of the amber liquid. "Why am I not suitable?" The question lingered in the air. "It is not only due to my gender, is it?"

"You make it sound trivial, Natsuki." Tadao shook his head with grief. "It's not quite that simple."

"How would you know this?" Natsuki asked him. "Have you ever loved another man?"

"I would never even think of it!" Tadao rose his voice. "The notion in and of itself is completely out of the question."

"Then, how would you know?" Natsuki asked him.

"What?" Tadao growled.

"How can you proclaim to understand the intricacies of a life that you have not lived?" Natsuki pushed the question upon him hard, sipping her brandy again. "How could you, a man of high standing, of good breeding and background, become like the bigots that run amok in the streets?" She wasn't surprised, but she let her disappointment show clear across her face. "If all you can do is hold up a crucifix, or present to me passages in a little black book, I'll question just what sort of man you are." Then she turned to look at Shizuru, mentally pleading forgiveness for her outburst, but she was not quite done. "A man of sound reasoning has more than faith, doesn't he?"

Tadao knew what Natsuki was asking, but as much as he tried, he could gift no answer. "You've proven I'm a man of faith, Natsuki." He told her as he draining his drink, quite rudely, but he had no joviality left in him. "That is no crime, and it hurts no one."

"Horse shit!" Natsuki flew from her chair in rage. "It hurts your daughter!" She roared, her hands slamming onto the table.

"Natsuki, stop." Shizuru sighed. "I knew it would come to this."

"Shizuru..." Slowly, Natsuki sat back down.

The woman bit her lower lip, not liking the feeling of truth that over came her. "I understood fully, getting involved with you would case a rift between my happy home and my desires. It was a risk I took willingly." She closed her crimson eyes steadying herself, but even so, she couldn't keep the bitterness off her face. "Natsuki warned me to stay away." Shizuru told them. "She kept me at a distance for a while, and even now, she honors promises that I would never keep." Her face fixed itself into a scowl, and she couldn't force her mask back on, no matter how hard she tried. "There are very few men who would let me warm their bed without implications...and yet, those are things Natsuki has gone without, because even now she sees fit to amuse you." Her voice slipped into an angry murmur. "Why, I'll never understand."

"I can't very well drag you back home." Tadao told her, highly displeased. "Still, I would like nothing more."

"If you did, I wouldn't blame you." Shizuru told him. "However, I would never forgive you for that, either." She'd come to her conclusion, but to say it was harder than she thought it would be. "If you can not accept me as I am, then you are free to disown me, I would willing disappear if you wished." The hope in her eyes begged otherwise. "If I am to continue to be your daughter, if we are to remain a family, Natsuki's presence would need to remain apart of that as well."

"She could always remain a friend." Tadao told her.

"My lover." Shizuru shot back. "It is not up for debate. I'm stating my position, and you may choose either side of the offer that you wish."

"I'll need...some time." He muttered to himself. "Suzume." He called to his wife as he went to collect her jacket from the coat rack. He helped her to put it on before he looked to his child, wondering where on earth this rebellion was coming from. "Shizuru, this is not something I'll take sitting down merely because of a whim. I truly think that if given the time, you'll see your error, and eventually come home. When you do, your old room will be waiting."

The footfalls echoed, and Natsuki shook her head. James had cleared his plate, and sighed when he realized that Natsuki had been hoping for some other reaction. The entire time, he'd sat quietly, and accepted all that he'd seen, so as he tapped his napkin to his lips, he put a hand of comfort on her shoulder. "Some people require time, Natsuki."

"Yeah..." Defeated, Natsuki could only nod. "I know."

…

There was not much to do since the festivities seemed dull. Natsuki couldn't shoo away the melancholy that seemed to drip into her speech at every turn. Her mind was vividly reliving the dinner that had gone so wrong. She retraced her steps, and even went back to the conversations she'd had with Shizuru's parents. She had tried so hard to find some reason why they would react so badly. Surely, there were easy answers, but, they were not enough for her. Shaking the hands and chatting mindlessly was a distraction she needed, but it also was also aggravating.

She wanted nothing more than to go comfort the woman who could not bring herself to smile. She loved Shizuru dearly, and the pained look in crimson eyes had only made Natsuki angry, at both the world, and herself. Her rage was well hidden, because Shizuru hated violence...still, Natsuki wasn't as calm as she appeared, and anyone who knew her could see the barely contained restlessness that lingered in emerald eyes. Chie was trying to help settle Natsuki's addled nerves, but it wasn't an easy task. Finally just when music from the band began to play, Natsuki could take no more, cursing quietly.

"You should be upstairs." Chie was worried. "No one would fault you for that." She hated watching Natsuki put on a brave face for those around her. "Where's Shizuru?"

"Resting, it's been a long night." Natsuki said swiftly as she was handed yet another card from some corporation owner. As soon as he walked away, the pleasantries brief, Natsuki raised her eyebrow. "Who's he?"

"He distributes antiques." Chie told Natsuki, pushing her glasses up her brow. "The first time he's attended one of our parties, though."

"So I see." Normally, she would feel a sense of joy wash over her. All she could feel tonight was a sense of emptiness, and regret. She wanted to be with the woman who was just as emotionally drained. "Looking to build connections?"

"That is the nature of why we throw these parties." Chie mumbled quietly. "If you aren't feeling well, you shouldn't be down here."

"No, I shouldn't." Natsuki agreed as she looked at her pocket watch. "Still, I can not abandon my work." She smiled, that was one thing to feel contented by, even if she couldn't be overjoyed. "We've come a long way, Che, and I intend to make this party the best one yet. I can't do that hiding away in my troubles." It was true that she had no wish to partake, but even so, she knew better than to ascend into her apartment right now. "Shizuru can't either, and she knows that. If she is to stay by my side, I can't coddle her forever." That was the weight of love. "She would blame herself if I went up to be with her...she'd think herself to be a burden."

"So, you'll let her burden you by worrying over her, where she can't see it happen...so that she doesn't believe she is a burden?" Chie shook her head, confused and a bit annoyed. "I'll never understand the two of you."

"Nor will I." Natsuki agreed in a low tone, looking for a distraction. "Ah, Haruka's parents! Let's go greet them."

…

It wasn't in his nature to meddle.

Often, he thought his child was little more than a troublemaker. He was often the first to scold her, or belittle her ideals. He did it because he worried, and Natsuki was nothing if not questionable. She drew unwanted attention and slender, and she loved it, or so it seemed. Otherwise, she would keep her head down and keep quiet. Instead, she was as rambunctious as ever. She tried to fight every morsel of truth, and set fire to every bit of logic as if it were a tank of gas. The reaction was just as explosive, it always had been, and that fact wasn't one that would change.

Regardless, Natsuki was his to fret over...and worry he did.

Greatly, trouble by the events during dinner, he could only stay a short while longer, watching the swirling of anger in emerald and devastation in crimson. Both women were young, and he couldn't deny that at the moment he resented Tadao, even just a little bit. He could never imagine being so cold to any blood, especially not Shizuru who was only willing to be the dutiful daughter, as she should be. Shizuru was not to be faulted for anything, and still, she was not so easily forgiven either. It was a thorny situation, and James knew it.

So, although he hated to put his nose where it didn't belong, he would dare it this time.

He knocked heavily on the door, awaiting a reply that came with his friend's dour mood. "James, come in." Tadao lacked his jolly smile, but that was to be expected. "Misery loves company, and you are indeed the best companion." He wasted no time shooing his wife to get refreshments while he took a seat, offering his guest a fine cigar. "You were awful quiet tonight my friend, though I understand why perfectly." He offered a light, and sat back to enjoy is own...or drown in the smoke, whatever would come first.

"Do you now?" A noncommittal shrug was all James could offer. "I apologize for Natsuki's brashness. She has many things to learn. I fear she never will."

"It is not your fault." Tadao shook his head. "I wish it was, so that I could blame someone." A weak smile lacked confidence. "Shizuru is not strong like Natsuki, but she is not a demure woman either." Tadao had always known that, even if he hated to think in such a way. "Even from a young age, I knew she was different...still, to be such a person...to love a person the same as her." He couldn't fathom it...and he doubted he ever could. "I'm unable to allow it."

"I think it would be best to start believing otherwise." James told him. "While it's true, they are partaking of foolish actions, I also believe you can only guide a person so much. Shizuru is at the age that she will need to discover on her own how best to live her...besides, we're fathers. What would we truly know about a woman's heart?"

"We knew enough, did we not?" Tadao asked, bothered by his good friend's words. "I am a married man, and a father, because I understood enough."

"Mind you, Shizuru is not her mother." James replied in kind. "Natsuki is also unlike her mother, within that she desires something different." He had no answer that could appease everyone, so he merely saw fit to amuse himself. "I was bothered at first, I'll admit, I think it is unhealthy." In the end, he knew Natsuki, he couldn't control her less than desirable actions. "What we say won't matter. Natsuki will do as she promised, protecting Shizuru and perhaps even loving her as well...though I have no idea how that could even occur...I believe it somehow has...if that stays the case, will you always have the luxury to remain so disapproving?"

"What luxury?" Tadao asked, his words as empty as the air. "It isn't as if I like keeping my thumb over my daughter." In fact, he was quite unsure how to go about it. "You're used to Natsuki's total lack of common decency." He frowned deeply. "Shizuru has never given me such a problem."

"Perhaps it's time you throw in the towel." James was unsure, and he always would be. Still, he knew well just what those girls were capable of. "Perhaps one day, Shizuru will return home...then one day she will want to marry a man. However, there is also such a chance that she will not. If she remains with Natsuki, could you really live without Shizuru in your life?"

"Spoken from experience, James?" There was little humor in Tadao's self loathing smile.

"I denied a lot of things, and pointedly ignored others." James nodded with a heavy heart. "There were even more circumstances that even now, I can't possibly agree with." Still as he took one last draw of his dying cigar, he couldn't help but feel as if the battle was already lost. "Regardless, I will not deny that our world is blinded by many things. Natsuki has always been able to pick out and identify those little discrepancies, especially the ones that most others sweep under the rug. For that alone, I have no reason to try to stop this...even if I believe deeply it will only end in heartache."

Several glasses of the drink later, a few finger sandwiches, and not nearly enough time to absorb the matter with the intensity that Tadao wished he could, he said farewell to his good friend, bidding him a safe travel that night. There was no true answer, and that's what boggled him. Still, as he looked over at his phone, watching for no short amount of time, he finally picked it up, waiting for the operator to patch him through.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This was my favorite chapter to write thus far...I know it's short, but it seemed unfitting to add more scenes like I would with the others.
> 
> I don't own Mai HiME/ Mai Otome.

Chapter 13

She couldn't lock herself away forever...

It was easy to count the seconds that passed her by, until one day, there was no need to anticipate the ticking any longer. She didn't want to acknowledge such a doleful sound, and so, the clicking typewrite became her new melody. Haphazard, and ill planned, she'd thrown away many papers in the coming weeks, unhappy with every smudge on the page. It would never be enough, or so she assumed. Nothing was adequate, she reached into the pit of her soul, finding ugliness she couldn't bear to swallow. That lump in her throat that she could never say, slipped out of the tips of her fingers as she tapped away at they keys.

One Sunday morning, she knew her toiling paid off in such a way that she could not simply stay in.

There was not a cloud in the sky that wasn't black. No place to seek sunlight for redemption as the sky roared in anger, it also seemed to cry. Life went on outside the streets, no one knew that her world was a lot emptier now. It could have rained all day, and all she would have heard was the pattering on the window. Still, loathe that she was to admit it, there was only one place she knew she had to be. A place she'd avoided out of shame, and she could no longer do so.

The walk was long, chilly, and wet...without an umbrella, she walked outside to a nearby chapel. Drenched, she sat in the back of the church, listening the sermon echo through the walls. The call of grace that lifted her heart as a child was not enough anymore, but even so, she couldn't help it...she just stayed until until the end. She knew the words to the lyrical praise, and sang them with vigor, hoping that she might find warmth...begrudgingly, none came.

She watched as every man, woman, and child left to back to their homes. She prayed quietly, when the nuns sang for just a little while longer. When the door closed the final time, when even the pastor was nowhere to be found, Shizuru sighed greatly, thinking of her transgressions. There was only a single nun in the corner, reading the black book, devote entirely to her reading. She ignored Shizuru's presence.

Restless, Shizuru could not linger in her seat a moment longer.

Stepping forward along the red carpet, her footsteps were muted, but not completely unheard. They thundered in her ears. As she clutched the crucifix that hung around her neck, she found she couldn't cry. Instead, she took it off, letting the thin gold slip away from her pale skin. "If I am indeed a child of god, may he give me mercy...allow me this solace, even if it is drenched in sin." She left it there, on the alter, glinting in the dim light. "If it is in your will, good Lord, allow me happiness." She wasn't sure why but she felt so inclined to act on her impulse. She reached out to caress the gold one more time. "Only you may strike judgment upon my soul, there is no greater king that I follow...no one better, to place my faith. Still, my faith is mine to hold, and it cannot come from your book. May your words speak to me only in the depth of my soul." Then she drew a cross down her body with her finger tips, her prayer done, and it was not a farewell.

She wanted to feel as if someone was watching over her, guiding her, however she thought otherwise as she went to the nearest street corner. She dropped the coin into the boy's hand and was gifted a paper, damp by the misting rain that drizzled over everything. Inside, she hesitantly looked, where she saw her name scrawled in thick ink. It was not her real name, surely, but there it was.

Her soul perched on the page, waiting to be heard.

If I am to burn, I will accept it with all of my being, still, I am not one to hate the scriptures. The good book protects and guides us, and still, it asks us to speak with love in our hearts. It begs for us to reach out a hand to those in need. Yes, it teaches love, and warns of trials. In truth, I shall baptize my hate in fire, and my love in the finest of wine. I shall partake of my daily bread, a gift and reminder, that I am in his image. This may be a heavy topic for a person such as I. This tribune may see little else from me, because I am uncertain. I would like to think my soul is one that's just a little kinder than Kruger's...I'd like to assume I'm not nearly as cynical as Juliet. Still, it would matter not, if I were such a person who faced such trials, because they're still standing. I would like to stand too, so, let my voice be heard...let my heart sing to you all, as I gift my soul to the world.

I am Viola, a young woman who was born and raised here, in America. My parents are Japanese by blood, Roman Catholic by faith, man and wife in love. I have always followed their guidance, because there is nothing better than a loving family. Recently, I've strayed, much to the dismay of those who love me. I shall continue to walk by my own beating heart. If that casts my faith in to total disarray, there is only one who may smite me. I've been told that life will not ease me, it will not shelter me, nor keep me warm...I have been told many things, and I will accept all of it upon my shoulders, in the end, however, you will have to face me.

Be careful what stone you throw, pelt me with them if you must, but remember that you too will face judgment on the promise day...if you are so devote to believe such a day will ever come. I would think it wise to open your heart to those you love, regardless of gender, race, or creed. I would think, those truly devout to themselves, would love thy neighbor, not because of a book, but because humanity deserves such equality, regardless of what our laws may demand.

I am a woman...I am in love with a woman...there is no greater feeling than the joy in my heart whenever I see her smile. There is nothing more agonizing than seeing her struggle...be it from pain or sadness. Come what may, this love of mine is truly a coveted thing that I hold dear in my heart, so as long as I do, I don't mind being by her side...I require that she stay by mine.

In truth, it doesn't seem to matter if you read this or not...my plea will still be here, and I will still be standing by her, even if my world ever falls apart.

Those were her words, and she couldn't deny it...the very idea sent a warmth into her heart, one filled with pride. Still, it was not a justification, and that was what she needed most. With hesitancy, her fingers trembled as they felt the rough corners of the paper. The thought pulled a sigh from her lips when she began to walk slowly back towards the place she called home. It was a fairly tall building, and as she went in through the back door, and up the several steps of stairs to her flat, she couldn't help but squeeze some of the moisture from her hair. When she opened the door, Natsuki was hunched over at the coffee table her typewriter humming merrily.

"Have a nice stroll?" Natsuki didn't look up from her papers, but Shizuru hadn't expected that she would.

"It was gratifying, to speak the least." Shizuru told her quietly as she put the paper that was most recently printed onto the low table. "Do you think they'll read it?"

The waver was a subtle one. It lingered in the air, and Natsuki paused to look up into glimmering red irises. "I think it would be best if you didn't worry about it." Her words were soft as she stood up, brushing the cigarette ashes off of her pant legs. "They'll either come around to see things your way, or they won't." It hadn't been easy, and Natsuki could feel Shizuru's restlessness. "Either way, will you falter?"

"I suppose not." Shizuru agreed, relishing the embrace that Natsuki pulled her into. "Still, a girl can dream for the best, can't she?"

"America was made for dreamers who believed in the most impossible things." Natsuki assured her, her fingers tingling in fawn tresses. "You were made for this country, and all of the dreams it can give you." She pulled away, gifting Shizuru a quick kiss on the lips. "Just be careful they don't turn into nightmares."

"What about fantasies?" Shizuru murmured then.

"Just make sure I'm there with you." Natsuki said with a smile. "I'll always be here, holding you in reality too, Shizuru. Never forget that."


End file.
